FREE MARKET FAIRY TALES

Montague & the Machine Gun

On This Day ... in 1918

At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the Armistice saw the cessation of hostilities with Germany. Peace was not finally secured until the Treaty of Versailles in 1919. Britain had lost some 888,000 men killed, India 72,000, Canada 65,000, Australia 62,000, New Zealand 18,000 and South Africa 9,300.

Smaller parts of the Empire and Dominions had also made huge sacrifices: of the 6,500 men who served during the war with the Royal Newfoundland Regiment, 1,250 men were killed, the 1st Battalion having suffered perhaps the worst casualties of any unit on the first day of the Somme, when 91% of its men were wounded or killed in just 40 minutes.

How wars are run

A fat capitalist cigar for LP for finding this one

Remembrance Sunday

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.

Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres

There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;

They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

For The Fallen - Laurence Binyon

The Afghan Bogey Man

President Obama is on the verge of making a policy decision on the future strategy of the COIN fight in Afghanistan. Before looking at a possible strategy, I think we should take a hard look at Afghanistan and sacrifice a sacred cow that we all took as gospel.

I think what is never mentioned is that the greatest empire that went to grave was the Afghan Empire itself. The British themselves smashed the Afghan Empire when, in 1837, it formed an alliance with the Sikhs in order to prevent the Afghans from retaking its former empire which went to Peshawar and Quetta. Thanks to the British, the sun would permanently set on the Afghan Empire, never to rise again.

Found by Minicapt & the rest is here

African Infantryman of the Year Competition rocked by racism allegations

The organisers of the African Infantryman of the Year competition face allegations of blatant & old fashioned racism over this morning’s entry which shows black militiamen who has "whitened up", plunging the entire series into the latest of many race rows to hit this blog

The Bloemfontein based Ex-Mercs Castle Lager Coalition have condemned the competitions organisers decision to publish the picture as stupid & offensive, while members of Johannesburg's Rand Club have added to the chorus of disapproval. Speaking from the club's Spencer Whiting Armoury, General Jannie van der Witte Aarde warned that it will cause serious offence & went on to add that it’s a throwback to an era when white mercenaries were used. He added that these days "whiting up" is considered to be dehumanising to white people & racist.

Against this backdrop, the organisers were simply cock-a-hoop to receive a genuinely non-black African nomination from one ex-Corporal Deluxe Mapatabi...

Love the African Infantryman series & wanted to send a bio of another famous African warrior, Sir Morris fford-Blanchfork in his field kit & belt order. It is arcane knowledge that European officers led the best African Regiments. As a survivor, I can sorely attest to that.

This is a faded picture taken somewhere in Africa, long ago, hopefully long enough for the War Crimes Tribunal to forget about what actually happened. My friend was an Honorary Colonel in the Kwanza Special Para-Military Police Regiment. He may have led many of those brave men so gloriously pictured in your African Infantryman contest.

Deluxe

More African Infantryman of the Year

I am delighted to be able to report that we will have several new contestants for our African Infantryman of the Year competition...

...but frankly, this mornings entry leaves me at somewhat of a loss for words save for the fact that he is unlikely to run out of shells anytime soon

Its not as if bribery & Italians go together like bribery & Italians but...

A Taleban commander and two senior Afghan officials confirmed yesterday that Italian forces paid protection money to prevent attacks on their troops.

The payment of protection money was revealed after the death of ten French soldiers in August 2008 at the hands of large Taleban force in Sarobi. French forces had taken over the district from Italian troops, but were unaware of secret Italian payments to local commanders to stop attacks on their forces and consequently misjudged local threat levels.

I actually know a very sensible Italian army officer, who was on staff in the Balkans. He told me over a proper dinner that he spent most of his year there trying to convince us bulldogs & the Americans to stop fighting & just adopt local tactics. These were show up late in flashy uniforms, fire a few shots in the air & drive off. That way no-one (in uniform) got killed, honour was satisfied & they could get on to the serious business of the day, dinner & the ladies, untroubled. His whole thesis was that if everyone should be like the Italians, that way a lot less people would end up getting killed & the world would be a better place. Difficult to argue against that one at the moment judging by the mess that we are in on the North West Frontier

Military Thursday Part 3 - Things we spend our money on

Clearly we don't need to spend the taxpayers hard earned nickle on body armour, fit for purpose patrol vehicles, helicopters or training (see todays posts passim)

Nearly a million jobs in private industry and commerce have been lost in just 15 months, the latest unemployment figures showed yesterday. But the full impact of the recession has been shrugged off in the public sector, which has seen a boom of over 300,000 in recruitment of bureaucrats. There was an increase of 88,000 in the jobless numbers in the three months to August.

At the end of June there were more than six million workers in the public sector, up by 304,000 on March 2008 when the recession started to bite.

Dear readers, I can assure you all without fear of contradiction, if I were given a mandate & enough 7.62mm ammunition, I could achieve massive spending cuts in under five working days - in fact, sod it, just give me the mandate, I'll pay for the ammo myself.

Military Thursday Part 2 - Coach goes to war

Boy's rugby coach will sadly be missing most of this season

Military Thursday Part 1 - 'Train hard' no longer

Pointed out by Bruce

The Territorial Army has been told it must temporarily halt training due to severe pressure on government finances. Drill-hall instruction, weekend exercises and all other TA training are to stop for six months, resulting in savings of about £20m.

TA soldiers serve in Afghanistan, but the Ministry of Defence said operations would not be hit as they train with the regular Army before deployment. The TA has about 1,200 troops a year in Iraq, Afghanistan and the Balkans.

In fact those are the same said deployments that have only been made possible by the Terrirorial Army

Labour was accused of risking the lives of Territorial Army soldiers last night after axing their training for the next six months to save money. Reservists across Britain will see their exercises cut or be told to pay their own way in order to save a paltry £20million.

Serving TA soldiers predicted that units will disband, thousands of reservists will quit and recruitment will dry up, rendering the TA a shadow of its former self. General Patrick Cordingley, commander of the Desert Rats during the first Gulf War, said: 'At a time when the Army in Afghanistan is heavily dependent on territorials it seems extraordinary to cut funds for training

Of course if this were down to me & sadly it is not, I'd announce that all money reclaimed for MPs over-claiming expenses would be ring fenced & used for combat training ... then lets see which MP would refuse to repay the money they have stolen from the taxpayer to pay for duck houses, gardeners & porno movies

Stuff Strictly Coming Dancing & forget the X Factor ... its African Infantryman of the Year (again)

We haven’t had an entry in our favourite talent show for some time, however late last night, I found a new contestant c/o Theo

Looking down the barrel of a rifle is never a particularly bright thing to do, especially when our contestant still has a magazine on his weapon. Not to worry, its unloaded ... yes, it is definitely not loaded ... absolutely 100% certain. Cleareasesprings....

Reference bushy topped tree, to be known as church with steeple

You know you've been Defence institutionalised (made military) when...

Lieutenant James Adamson MC

Even though Comrade Brown & his class warriors are doing their level best to flush once Great Britain into the sewer of mediocrity, we can still produce young men like this...

Lieutenant James Adamson was awarded the Military Cross after killing two insurgents during close quarter combat in Helmand's notorious "Green Zone". The 24-year-old officer, a member of the 5th battalion The Royal Regiment of Scotland, revealed that he shouted "have some of this" before shooting dead a gunman who had just emerged from a maize field. Seconds later and out of ammunition, the lieutenant leapt over a river bank and killed a second insurgent machine-gunner with a single thrust of his bayonet in the man's chest ... In a graphic description of the intense fighting in Helmand, the officer told of the moment killed the second fighter.

"It was a split second decision. I either wasted vital seconds changing the magazine on my rifle or went over the top and did it more quickly with the bayonet. I took the second option. I jumped up over the bank of the river. He was just over the other side, almost touching distance.
We caught each other's eye as I went towards him but by then, for him, it was too late. There was no inner monologue going on in my head I was just reacting in the way that I was trained. He was alive when it went in – he wasn't alive when it came out – it was that simple... one of my men, Corporal Billy Carnegie, reached us, looked at the two dead Taliban on the ground and then saw the blood on my bayonet and said boss what the f*** have you been doing?"

Flamethrower Friday Part 1: the Churchill Crocodile

After the British Expeditionary Force had been evacuated at Dunkirk, having lost most of their equipment in the process, the British Army was in dire need of replacements. This was especially so for Tanks, of which there were only about 100 in the British Isles at that time. To accommodate this, the British government pushed forward a tank design that predated the onset of the Second World War, the A20.

The Churchill had many variations, including many specialised modifications. This durability, which is really on a par with the US Sherman, Soviet T-34 or the German Panzer IV, is a sign of a successful tank model. The most significant change to the Churchill was that it was up gunned from 2-pdr to 6-pdr and then 75 mm guns over the course of the War. By the war's end, some late model Churchills had exceptional amounts of armour, which was considerably more than the German Tiger

The Churchill Crocodile varient - 800 were produced was one of the more notable Churchills and was a Churchill VII with the hull machine gun replaced with a flamethrower. The fuel was in an armoured wheeled trailer towed behind. It could fire several one second bursts over 150 yards

More here here here here

Nu Labour & the (Dis) Armed Forces

Found by Richard somewhere on the Torygraph website

As the father of a serving soldier I can tell you now, delivery of the new pikestaff has been seriously delayed along with the new longbow due to shortages of the right kind of wood from Scandinavia.

The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, last seen astride a fence somewhere in his constituency in Edinburgh, was thought to be considering sending Lord Mandelson to negotiate a settlement by ceding Cumbria and Northumbria to the Scottish Government. This would avoid widening the dispute as the Army was already stretched trying to defend the Welsh border.

At the moment I am reading...

Robert Kershaw’s excellent War Without Garlands

Kershaw has a masterpiece here, and this book will explain in graphic detail the difficulty faced by the Landser in a 6 month period, from the start of the invasion until the end of December of 1941 and early 1942.

Tired and exhausted from continual movement to support the Panzers as they encircled yet another number of Red Army Divisions, and without the infantry the pockets could not be collapsed. The trapped Soviets inside the circle would often charge forward in mass attacks in attempts to break out of this pocket, and their bodies piled up all around German machine gunners. Some would fight it out to the end and the result were companies depleted of both seasoned officers and NCO's from the brutal amount of resulting carnage.
It is a compelling tale of how the Wehrmacht far out ran its logistical reach & in the face of an enemy that just wouldn’t give up, victoried itself to death. Should you have any interest in learning more about Operation Barbarossa, can I heartily recommend this superb book to you

A tale from Afghanistan

From Michael Yon

Helmand Province, Afghanistan - A gunshot ripped through the darkness and a young British soldier fell dying on FOB Jackson. I was just nearby talking on the satellite phone and saw the commotion. The soldier was taken to the medical tent and a helicopter lifted him to the excellent trauma center at Camp Bastion. That he made it to Camp Bastion alive dramatically improved his chances. But his life teetered and was in danger of slipping away. Making matters worse, the British medical system back in the United Kingdom did not possess the specialized gear needed to save his life. Americans had the right gear in Germany, and so the British soldier was put into the American system.

Two or three weeks after the injury, I was having dinner with a British Major and several Captains. The Major talked reverently about Soldiers Angels, and then about a herculean effort that the United States military extended to save a single British soldier. I had no idea about that effort. I just heard the gunshot, saw the soldier carried away into the night, and heard the helicopter roar into the darkness. I knew Soldiers’ Angels had intervened back in Germany, but the details that followed came as incredible surprise. The U.S. military had quietly moved Heaven and Earth to save a single British “Squaddie.”

Places to have lunch in Normandy: Sainte-Mère-Église

of US 82nd Airborne Division fame

British Day 6: Posters

British Day1: SE5a

If you were to pick an iconic British fighter aircraft it would quite rightly be the Supermarine Spitfire, maybe the English Electic Lightening or possibly the Sopwith Camel. However we shouldn't forget the SE5 & SE5a. After all, they were good enough for Beauchamp-Proctor, Bishop, Mannock and McCudden...

The SE5a was considered by many pilots to be the best British single-seat fighter of the First World War. Designed at the Royal Aircraft Factory at Farnborough, the first production aircraft had the 150hp Hispano-Suiza fitted and were designated SE5. The later SE5a had the 200 or 220hp Hispani-Suiza or 200hp Wolseley Viper engine.

It was used by twenty-four squadrons of the Royal Flying Corps and Royal Air Force in France, Palestine, Macedonia, Mesopotamia and the United Kingdom, and equipped one squadron of the Australian Flying Corps and two of the United States Air Service on the Western Front

Folly?

& in the words of the late David Coleman, presenter for many years of A Question of Sport: "Errrrrrrrrrrrr.....& what happened next?"

Found by HR

Payments

Yesterday we covered the payments that HM Government is happy to make to potential illegal immigrants i.e. potential criminals & to actual criminals – those who are already illegally here. This morning it pains me how the Government is handling payments to our wounded servicemen & women...

The Government has launched a legal challenge to the level of compensation awarded to two injured soldiers which could also limit future payments to combat victims. Bob Ainsworth, the Defence Secretary, is seeking a ruling in the Court of Appeal over payments to Light Dragoon Anthony Duncan, who was shot while on patrol in Iraq, and Royal Marine Matthew McWilliams, who fractured his thigh in a military exercise

Interesting how our Government who ....

MPs decided to press ahead with a controversial new allowance that lets them claim thousands of pounds without producing receipts in defiance of Sir Christopher Kelly, head of the official sleaze watchdog

...values different people.

Yesterday our four latest dead from Afghanistan were brought home

Commandos & paratroopers

A parting shot(s) before the weekend starts

Just picking up on the Vickers MMG post of last night

During the Battle of Normandy, C Coy 2nd Kennsingstons, supporting a battalion attack fired 500,000 rounds of MMG ammunition in a day

which sounds impressive until you read this...

On 24 August one of the most celebrated machine gun actions of all time took place nearby. This was the famous barrage fired by 100th Machine Gun Company in support of the capture of High Wood.

Their target was the area behind the crest-line on which High Wood stands, through which German infantry attempting to counter-attack had to pass. According to a German prisoner, the effect of the machine-gun fire was ‘annihilating'. This barrage was of course rather out of the ordinary, both in terms of its duration and in the lavish expenditure of ammunition. Nevertheless, along with the preceding examples, it shows that by the late summer of 1916 the use of machine guns in the British army was showing signs of increasing sophistication.

Helicopter politics

The head of the Army was accused of playing politics after he flew around Afghanistan in an American helicopter and demanded more equipment for British troops. General Sir Richard Dannatt made clear that he would have flown in a British helicopter if one had been available and called for greater urgency over the supply of new equipment ... When asked why he flew in a Black Hawk General Dannatt replied: “Self-evidently . . . if I moved in an American helicopter it’s because I haven’t got a British helicopter.”

Labour seized on his remarks as a deliberate political comment on the shortage of British helicopters in Afghanistan. One senior Labour MP said: “The Army has a proud record of keeping out of party politics and the Chief of the General Staff should be very careful about his interventions.” A junior minister went farther, accusing General Dannatt of “playing politics” and saying: “This is a very difficult time and he should know better.”

I am probably not alone in longing for the day when the Army plays politics. Properly. & it takes in upon itself to gun down every Labour politician in once Great Britain. The socialists have lied & lied again & again about Iraq, Afghanistan & the lamentably shoddy equipment levels that they have provided our magnificent Armed Forces with.

Dannatt is retiring very shortly – Let hope that he takes the opportunity to open up a new front against Westminster village pondlife. Remember dear readers that the Lying Scotsman cut the defence budget by £1.4 billion in 2004, when he was Chancellor, leading to a shortfall in the number of helicopters available today

Death of a Battalion (Reposted)

While the liberal left British media crow about British & US losses in Iraq & 'The Stan', this morning I want to introduce something that your humble correspondent has little of ... perspective & yes, I have been watch Band of Brothers over the weekend.

My father-in-law, the Old Salthorse tells the story of his father, a YO with the RWF during WWI & at one point, the only officer still alive in the battalion. However, during the campaign in North West Europe 1944 - 45, units spent more time in action & suffered higher casualty rates than their counter parties did in the Great War. One example of the intensity of the fighting in the Normandy bridgehead is the fate of the 6th Battalion, Duke of Wellington's Rifles.

Having fought a traumatic battle at Le Parc de Boislande they remained to plug a gap outside Fontenay-le-Pesnel, which the SS Div Hitler Jugend was attempting to force. After 14 days of continuous fighting, their replacement CO (his predecessor having been killed), submitted the following report;

Report on the State of the 6th Bn DWR (49 Div) as on 30 Jun [1944]

A.J.D. Turner
Lt.-Col. Commanding 6 DWR
In the field, 30 June 1944

Yes the world has changed but our enemy today is just as dangerous as our enemy of 60 years ago - we a fortunate that we haven't yet suffered the same losses as our parents / grandparents. & as for the battalion, it was pulled out of the line, remaining officers & men rested before it was disbanded.

Desert issue?

It is often said that officers are issued with ‘G10’ Labradors. I suppose that on that basis, we could be considered to be currently troop trialling the new desert issue lab...

Of course, any lab worth its salt considers the dessert issue to be more pressing

Why not just give them cups of tea?

Nearly a dozen pirates armed with rocket-propelled grenades, machineguns and grappling hooks have been seized in the Gulf of Aden, after being intercepted by a Royal Navy warship.

Suspecting that they were “not innocent fishing vessels”, the frigate, commanded by Commander Tim Henry, steamed closer to the skiffs and saw that both vessels were filled with weaponry and ammunition. The ship’s Lynx helicopter was sent to hover over the skiffs while teams of Royal Marine and navy personnel in rigid inflatable boats sped towards the craft and disarmed the ten men on board. The Lynx was armed with a machinegun and snipers.

“The skiffs were equipped with extra barrels of fuel, grappling hooks and a cache of weapons that included rocket-propelled grenades, machineguns and ammunition,” navy officials said.

... & later that day, the pirates were hanged from HMS Portland’s yardarm let go, yes really, so frankly why frigging well bother in the first place – Nelson, Fisher, Beatty & Ramsey must all be turning in their graves.

However as opposed to heaping invective upon the Senior Service for being subject to crappy rules of engagement I will look for a positive: at least this time the Navy personnel & Royal Marines involved didn’t end up getting captured & paraded on television. Beyond that, it’s possibly best not to say any more

Everything you ever wanted to know about mid upper turrets

We started this week with a picture of twin mounted fifty calibre machine guns which has spurred a bit of debate about their use in Lancaster bombers. So this morning & just because, here's a little more on this particular topic...

The Martin 250 CE is a 24 volt, electrically operated turret containing two .50 calibre machine guns. Four ammunition boxes provide 1600 rounds of ammunition. It was mounted on the top of the aircraft, about mid-way down the fuselage.

This turret was used on American bombers such as the A-20 Havoc, B-24 Liberator, B-17 Flying Fortress, and B-26 Marauder. During the war, the Royal Canadian Air Force realized the limitations of their .303 calibre machine guns and took steps to switch from the hydraulically operated Fraser-Nash mid-upper turrets to the Martin. However, this modification was only included on the last 276 of the 431 Canadian built Lancasters.

Should you require yet more, its here

A spot of early morning Spitfire

& more aircraft porn here

Joanna Lumley: The next Mrs T?

30 years ago yesterday, Maggie moved into 10 Downing Street which is why, over the weekend, the papers were full of retrospectives ... well at least a few column inches covered that happiest part of our recent history: the rest of my Sunday Torygraph seemed to be devoted to dire predictions of the forthcoming flu pandemic that somewhat embarrassingly hasn’t really happened yet. Inconvenient I know, but I really don’t want to be drawn into making comparisons between killer swine flu & impending global environmental catastrophe – yes, I’m a bit of an old cynic but until the entire population of Bangladesh has been drowned I will continue to drive my Land Rover Globalwarmer. Once the entire population of Bangladesh is doing a passable imitation of the General Belgrano, it will be way too late for those tiresome Irish minstrels to hold a Snorkel Aid concert & we can send the newly reformed Black & Tans to sort of Sir Bob & Boneo once & for all. What a blessing that would be.

However to return to this mornings little theme, in the same way that Maggie (may blessings be upon her name) stormed into Westminster, for a few glorious moments last week, it looked like the redoubtable Ms Lumley might just do the same...

Given our complete lack of electoral choices, a party formed of retired Gurkhas led by Ms Lumley, standing for compulsory goat curry & promising to sort out our dumded down chav-culture with judicious use of their kukris would certainly get my unsteady tick in the box. Think of it as casting a protest vote – successive administrations have allowed once Great Britain to be overrun by just about every whinging ethnic minority load of bl**dy wogs with an open hand & a grievance you care to mention. However when it comes to those who have done nothing but loyally serve Her Majesty, the Westminster pondlife treat them with nothing but utter distain.

In fact, forget an electoral mandate, much better that Ms Lumley were to unleash both her & our anger upon Parliament, & let Johnny get well & truly stuck in. That might well help the Parliament Channel’s ratings.

We all need a bit of religious instruction from time to time....

This comes from Gweilicus & in its original form was written by a cousin on the left hand side of the pond. Your humble correspondent has Angliscised it a bit this evening but I feel sure that you lot can improve it further....

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and the Infantry. And God looked upon the Infantry, saw that it was good, and said unto them "Thou art my chosen children. Take thou dominion over the Earth; over the fish of the Sea, the birds of the Air, and all of the Key Terrain".

And the Infantry, the Cavalry and the Armour dwelt in the land therein.

And time passed and the Infantry cried out again unto their Lord saying "Lord help us, for we are weary." And God smiled again upon the Infantry, for they were his chosen. Then God took those of the Armour with butts like baseplates and breath like sulphur and these He made Artillery. But God saw that the Artillery, too, was mediocre and said unto Himself, "Oh well, garbage in; garbage out."

Humbly the Infantry abased themselves again before their God, crying, "Lord, it is of these that we are weary."

Call me an old softy, but I'm a sucker for a story with a happy ending

Pointed out by Kim

My breathing slows and I start to scan. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but two booger eaters on the far ridge, Booger eater is our new derogatory term for the enemy. Once again please don’t comment about my cultural sensitivity, I know it’s insensitive to call them booger eaters. But, I know they call us some derogatory names too. What fun is war if you can’t make up names about your enemy.

They look at me and I them across the valley; a distance of about 2 kilometers. We stare at each other through binoculars for a couple of seconds and then they move into a bunker. They seem unconcerned because of the valley separating us believing it keeps them safe. Oh, silly rabbit but I have two F-15s.

The rest, including the happy ending is here

Can't pay, won't pay?

I love the whole concept behind of this little tale from Down Under…

A failed chain of command that bungled payments to Special Air Service troops pressured soldiers to "pay up and shut up". The Rudd Government has been under pressure to resolve the concerns of SAS soldiers, returning from Afghanistan, who have been presented with debt recovery action for overpayments of allowances of up to $50,000.

Both Air Chief Marshal Houston and army chief Ken Gillespie told a Senate hearing in Canberra that no soldier would have their pay cut …Debt recovery action had ceased and those whose pay had been deducted would be repaid.

So Rudd’s bungling civil servants cock up their Special Forces pay & then try & send in the debt collectors when the boys get back from an active service tour.

Now that’only gone to end one way - sending a couple of fat knacker debt collectors who fancy themselves as a bit tasty try & serve ‘notice’ on Tom Trooper? It’s an express service to a swift centre of body mass double tap followed in pretty short order by a single control shot. Rather like my suggestion of yesterday morning to televise Jade Goody’s demise - bagsy syndicate the TV rights to this one as well

& now to our Thursday morning contestant

This morning’s entry in our African Infantryman of the Year competition is in the Junior Section. Young Bonokai here proves that just because you have bunked off from school, it doesn’t mean that you can’t spare the time to learn to tie your tie properly.

Spotted on ARRSE

Fighting knives

Over the last couple of days, your humble correspondent & our friend from Texas have been discussing fighting knives: a weighty & pertinent topic, what with the forthcoming local elections. Kukris … Messers Fairburn & Sykes immortal design & to be honest, tonight, I had a little bit of an Empire moment, what with all the talk of cold steel. Maybe I am maybe not alone in thinking that places like Iraq, Afghanistan or indeed the Gaza Strip are suitable places to re-introduce long-lost techniques of warfare. For instance, instead of cruising around in Landrovers waiting to get blown up by IEDs, perhaps the Army should try long lines of armed men snaking through the crowded bazaars. When Johnny Native tries to cut up a bit rough, the Toms could form a thin red line & indulge in a spot of volley fire. This was an infamously deadly tactic when soldiers carried the Brown Bess so replicating it with fully automatic weapons would be utterly splatter-tastic.

But lets not stop there... some good old-fashioned swordsmanship could come in handy as well. Sometimes a person will get shot & just slump over. No screaming, no fountain of blood, no nothing ... dull dull dull! Imagine the visual impact of an infedel, lopping off 1/3rd of your neighbour's head & then watching that poor sod stumble around in the street with a geyser of blood arcing out of his brutalized skull while the rest of the boys in the section push him around with rifles at the high port. Now that's how to get your message across!

Watching a 20 lb. slab of flesh fall from a fleeing looters back as he gets sliced by a sabre-wielding cavelryman would do more to put the fear of God into those people than any remotely-administered shock n awe hearts & minds reconstruction nonsense. In fact not so many years ago, a young & impressionable officer was discussing combat knifes with a very solid Sergeant. Said Sergeant, distilled 5,000 years of hand to hand combat within the context of the Cold War and gave his analysis as follows:

Well sir, you jump into a trench & stick a knife in some fooooking Roooski, 'is mate will fooooking shoot you. Get yourself an axe ... he said, tapping the hatchet he was wearing on his belt order ... you jump into a trench and lop some fooooking Roooski's 'ead off, 'is mate won't want to foooking know!

Wise words indeed !

& now let’s hear it for our Tuesday morning contestants

Continuing our African Infantryman of the Year competition we have two new entrants. Firstly in the Fire & Manoeuvre category we have Sundaygar…

Sundaygar is a firm believer that muzzle velocity is directly proportional to how hard you tug on the trigger. He also cautions his many many fans to ensure that the stock of your personal weapon is kept clear of the shoulder at all times.

Second up, & modelling this seasons Mothercare Militia-Gurl range, we have I’satta

I’satta assures us that baby body armour strapped to your chest, affords adequate protection against calibres up to & including 9mm Parabellum as well as the sorts of shrapnel & ricochets often encountered in the urban environment

Willie Peter makes you a believer

We first touched upon White Phosphorus back in November 2005 when the Septics were doling out the good news to insurgents terrorists in Fulluja. Needless to say, at that time the MSM was getting a tad angsty about its use…

Of course, comments like this wont stop the finger pointing & salacious accusations from the al-Baghdad Broadcasting Corporation.

Now as then, WP is coming in for a slating but this time from The Times

Israel is believed to be using controversial white phosphorus shells to screen its assault on the heavily populated Gaza Strip yesterday. The weapon, used by British and US forces in Iraq, can cause horrific burns but is not illegal if used as a smokescreen.

For those of you that have never played with White Phosphorus or WP, it is known in the trade a Willie Peter & it is said of it that Willie Peter makes you a believer. Ironic eh? Aside from that, it is ideal for making the most excellent smoke screens & if a few terrorists get crispy crittered in the process, so much the better.

Has there been collateral damage? Yes of course there has & civilian casualties are always regreable however the residents of the Sunset Strip are all culpable by allowing Hamas terrorists to fire hundreds if not thousands of rockets into Israel. It’s a joint & several liabilty thing: Germans & the Japanese understand.

From the beginning of [2008] until June 19, Israel was struck by 2,660 projectiles fired from Gaza. From June 19, when the ceasefire went into effect, to Nov. 4, the total was 65. From Nov. 5 to Dec. 10, 237 mortar shells and rockets have been fired from Gaza at towns in Southern Israel

That chap who runs the UN, Willie Wonka or whatever the hell his name is, keeps banging on about proportionality but I have not yet seen a table that properly shows the mathematical relationship between a Hamas terrorist’s rocket fired indiscriminately at Israeli civilians & an Izzie 1,000 lb laser guided bomb aimed back at said terrorists. Maybe Mr Wonka should confine himself to sorting out UN’s unpaid parking tickets until such time as he can come up with such a relationship.

Kapok beats denim

For this mornings entry in our competition we have to revisit the original post & in particular, this 2007 contestant

The nautical theme is ever popular as is seen by this militiaman wearing a stylish Kapok life jacket. It wont stop a bullet but it sure looks Boo-yaa!

Indeed several readers were moved to comment on the lack personal protection from small arms fire that a Kapok life vest affords. Oh ye of little faith. What probably none of us realised at that time was that said garment had clearly had the full Ju-Ju man treatment, because our hero is just fine, dandy & giving it rockall, where as his oppo who made the typical rooky militiaman’s error of eschewing the Kapok & instead going into combat in designer denim. He got shot…

So there you have it ... Kevlar ... Kapok... its all pretty much the same: But for goodness sake, nobody tell those nangers at the Defence Procurement Agency because you just know what will happen next, dont you!

Meanwhile, down on Sunset Strip...

I have to confess that this is the best summary of the recent unpleasentness that I have read, penned by Colonel Lior Lotan who served in the Israel Defence Forces in Gaza during the 1980s and 1990s

After a week of aerial assaults on Gaza, Israel has started the ground stage of the operation against Hamas. This is a reaction to the ground missiles being launched from Gaza towards cities in Israel, an aggression which has been continuing for eight years and which reached its peak after the Israeli withdrawal from the Gaza Strip in the summer of 2005.

The current stage of the Israeli operation gives a combat advantage to the Israeli forces over Hamas. This advantage is based largely on the fact that the Israel Defence Forces has implemented combat lessons from the second Lebanon War in 2006, but also because of several other reasons. The IDF operated inside Gaza until 2005, and is familiar with the terrain. It has also invested a great deal of time in recent years developing urban warfare tactics and specific weapons technology.

Frankly, I take a much more simplistic view: The Izzies are happy because they are dropping bombs on terrorists & the terrorists are happy because they are being ‘martyred’ in large numbers. As far as any prospect for a Middle East peace go, that’s about as good as its ever going to get.

& our first contestant for African Infantryman of the Year 2009 is…

Whilst the 2008 contest was hotly contested, this year the competition is likely to be even more fierce & we start with this fine fellow

Now lets set aside the somewhat interesting choice battledress & focus on the personal weapon. The MG 42 & its many many variants in a fine weapon, but is it just me or is this particular example missing a rather critical part?

الله أَكْبَر

This is a repost because of the most recent comment entered yesterday....

Allahu Akbar !!

From Reader Gwyn

Iraqi shoe bomber update

This from McHugh

10 MOA better than Strictly Coming Dancing

Continuing the early morning military theme, we have this weeks contestants in our African Infantryman of the Year competition. First off in our ‘God is Airborne’ category we have this young chappy replete with his ’95 pattern wings, Tinkabell for the use of & a rather racy brace of AKs...

Then in our alternative lifestyles section, it is heartwarming to see that in the 3rd World, military attitudes to the love that dare not speak its name are slightly more enlightened than don’t ask don’t tell...

Finally, in the Combined Cadet Force category we have this lad

I just bet that headmaster will be chuffed to bits when his he shows up in the classroom with his colleagues

A wave of the fat capitalist cigar to reader MK for finding these

Iranian Armed Forces Day

Today is Iranian Armed Forces Day. Protocol dictates that visiting warships “dress overall” & “appropriate gun salutes are fired”. Far be it for your humble correspondent to seek to raise tensions in the Gulf any further, but could I just suggest that lots of “gun salutes” are fired at Iran to mark this auspicious event

Forget the X-Factor…

today’s contestant in our now long running African Infantryman of the Year competition - found on ARRSE by Ex-Stab - is…

As is pointed out on the original comment on the photo, that really is an epic hat

The Victoria Cross & the George Cross

Today of all days it is probably appropriate that I got round to answering a question that arose the other week: namely, what is the difference between the Victoria Cross & the George Cross. Aside from the obvious, the VC can only be awarded to military personnel or to civilians acting under military command.

The actual criteria as set out in the Royal Warrant are that it is to be awarded for

most conspicuous bravery, or some daring or pre-eminent act of valour or self-sacrifice, or extreme devotion to duty in the presence of the enemy

The George Cross was originally intended as a civilian award for

acts of the greatest heroism or of the most conspicuous courage in circumstances of extreme danger

The GC however may be awarded to military personnel for gallant conduct which is not in the face of the enemy. As its Royal Warrant states

The Cross is intended primarily for civilians and award in Our military services is to be confined to actions for which purely military Honours are not normally granted

There, I hope that clears that one up

Remembrance Sunday

& the latest contender is…

This mornings entry in my now long running African Infantryman of the Year competition is Jamal…

I mean, how much do you want Jamal to actually pull the trigger on that RPG? No only would the BBC / CNN go one light in the journo dept (because to my mind, beardo looks just like a journo who has bitten off more than he can chew) but even if the grenade didn’t detonate, it would punch a boat sinking sized hole in the keel

Your Tuesday morning battle rifle conundrum

It would appear that on the left hand side of the pond there is an election of some note due very shortly. This seems to be preoccupying pundits & pollsters alike. Therefore out of respect for our cousins over the water I thought that we would conduct a little polling of our own but on an altogether much more interesting topic & here is the scenario…

Sanity has returned to our foreign policy in the finest traditions of Crecy, Agincourt & Waterloo, we are off to fight the French. When to get to armoury, there are only 2 rifles left in the rack; a Lee Enfield No.4

& a Mauser K98

Which one would you take.

On the face of it, there is little to choose between the two as both a proven designs, capable of surviving both the rigours of the campaign & still cut a dash on your shoulder as you march under the Eiffel Tower as part of the victory celebrations.

To all intents & purposes, there is no particular advantage in using either 7.92mm or .303. Either will leave suitably sized exit wounds in Jean-Claude’s chest.

In combat conditions & in the firefight, again there is nothing to separate either weapon in terms of accuracy.

The Lee Enfield’s 10 round capacity beats the Mauser’s 5. However, remember we are fighting the French here & there is a school of thought that says, with some justification I will add, that a couple of rounds is all your are going to need before the drapeau blanc is flying …

Assuming that plentiful ammunition will be available for both, which one would you sign out?

UPDATE - Sorry, but I have had to take the poll down as it had become corrupted. When I last checked it, after 150 votes, the No.4 was in the lead by a ratio of about 4:1

Next contender please

This morning dear readers we have a new nomination for African Infantryman of the Year...

As Alan, who sent this to me pointed out, if Gartee, having taped all of those mags together, didn’t have an AK in each hand, then he would have a hand free to do his flies up.

Previous nominations for this prestigious award can be found

Here & Here & Here & Here & Here

& the truth finally comes out...

At last, The Englishman 'fesses up

"Add me to the ranks of the pathetic"

but so am I

Dropshorts screwing up isn't funny at all. No really it isn't

Download file

From Gweilicus

A picture is worth a thousand words

Cant say fairer than this...

Via Gweilicus

This mornings nomination for African Infantryman of the Year is…

Now come on…’fess up…all of us have taped mags together at some point in time. However it takes a true God of War professional to stick quite that number together!

African Infantryman of the Year

A little while ago now, I posted a review of Liberian Infantry Tactics which after nearly 3,000 posts, is still the most commented upon little piece in this dark dank little corner of the internet. OK, so half of the comments are accusations of racism but I will stop pointing out what a bunch of utter utter nangers these gangstas are, the day they learn some basic infantry skills. Fo'sure

However in a belated attempt not to be outdone by their Liberian brothers (or is that broz), we now have entries (via ARRSE) from some of the Nigerian militias for the converted title of African Infantryman of the Year

Starting off with our first entrant, Eloghosa - he likes to estimate bullet drift due to wind conditions using the more contemporary combination of the smoke from his fatty (surely that should be phatti – Ed), pulling his hat down over his eyes & using the force.

Asked to comment about the his AK47, Eloghosa also feels quite strongly that actually cleaning it iz fo all yo beotches because deez be da gatz dat da g’s be stappin’ an packin sidways an shih.

Second up we have Chinedu Onytkachuwu with his bloods from da hood look: a fusion of the classic Ramdoesque link wrapped around the torso meets Miss Selfridge, all topped off with a tousled hair wig.

As he says, gangsta it iz wot we iz doing at tha moment ... doggystyle

Finally, form the National Police Force we have Arikawe who has updated Grampa Walton’s dungarees in a more urban vernacular which he feels is far mo’schmoooove

Full respec’ to NBC for finding this

Not much changes

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
The Young British Soldier, Rudyard Kipling

& now updated...

When you’re lying alone in your Afghan bivvy,
And your life it depends on some MOD civvie
When the body armour’s shared (one set between three),
And the firefight’s not like it is on TV,
Then you’ll look to your oppo, your gun and your God,
As you follow that path all Tommies have trod.

Just like your forebears in mud, dust and ditch
You’ll march and you’ll fight, and you’ll drink and you’ll bitch
Whether Froggy or Zulu, or Jerry, or Boer
The Brits will fight on ‘til the battle is over.
You may treat him like dirt, but nowt will unnerve him
But I wonder sometimes, if the country deserves him.
Peej 2008.

Via The Chosen Man & Theo Spark

Friday morning aircraft porn

Monday Morning Statistics – Part 1

Jamie Cooper,19 was testing radio equipment outside Basra's Shat al Arab Hotel in 2006 when two mortar bombs exploded. The first blasted his hands and right arm and the second ripped opened his buttocks, severing the nerves to his leg as shrapnel went through his pelvis and into his stomach.

Mr. Cooper, who was serving with the 2 Rifles at the time, has been told that that he is not disabled enough to receive council tax disability benefits, even though he now has to walk with a stick.

Mr Cooper has been awarded £57,000 compensation by the Ministry of Defence. This sum compares with £485,000 paid to an RAF typist who suffered “repetitive strain injury”.

This is why soldiers want their children, if the join the forces, to join the air farce.

Performance art, gunship style

& now a message from one of our European partners

Imperial Medley

I’ve had this little collection of pics kicking around in My Pictures folder for a number of months now. Happier days eh?

00-Buckshot

I cant remember where I right clicked this from,

but it reminds me of Chris Byrne’s line from Team Infidel: "Nothing says God is great like 00-buck "

The General - Siegfried Sassoon

"Good-morning; good-morning!" the General said
When we met him last week on our way to the line.
Now the soldiers he smiled at are most of ’em dead,
And we’re cursing his staff for incompetent swine.

"He’s a cheery old card," grunted Harry to Jack
As they slogged up to Arras with rifle and pack.
But he did for them both by his plan of attack.

Art or fire support?

From Jeremiah Ridgeway

Homenaje a Las Brigadade Internacionales

Whilst some get all misty eyed at the mention of the International Brigades…

but your humble correspondent tends to think Marxists, Leninists, Trotskyites … just about every shade of Communist you care to mention. Clearly the so-called British Battalion still has its supporters here in San Francisco

Egg Banjos

Picking up from this weeks star culinary item, Client #10 wants an egg fryer shaped like a banjo. This is an inspired idea because you could then have a banjo in your egg banjo.

Now for those of you that have never come across the egg banjo, it is a distinctly military institution which the ARRSEPedia defines as

A sandwich made from (usually) half stale white bread, spread on both insides with margarine and slotted in with at least one greasy fried egg, preferably soft yolk to distribute better, covered with sauce of own choice, brown or tomato (ketchup to the Spams).
It becomes a banjo when....

What comes up to the turret is a highly dangerous mix of salmonella and sprog's fingernail dirt, livened up by razor sharp pieces of egg shell. Lovely. Fortunately your Handy Mug with Lid(Vehicle Commander, Drinking) is filled with tea to wash it down.

Reason No. 4,234 to dislike golfers

Over the years, I have read in several places, the Battle of Britain story about a wounded RAF aircrew that incurred the ire of golf club members having been carried bleeding into their bar. I suppose that I put it down to hearsay & whilst registering it, never really gave it a second thought. However spending some time over the weekend to catch up on the obits, it would seem that not only is the story true, but it can be attributed to one Squadron Leader 'Hawkeye' Lee

… who was wounded in the leg and forced to bale out of his burning aircraft. He was "captured" by an armed elderly civilian who refused to believe that Lee was British; some soldiers retrieved the situation, taking him to the local golf course for a brandy while they waited for an ambulance.

Heavily bloodstained, Lee stood at the bar, where he overheard a man complaining: "The machine-gunning made me miss my putt. And who's that chap at the bar? Bad show, all that blood - I don't believe he's even a member."

It’s a good job that the late Squadron Leader Lee was made of sterner stuff than your humble correspondent because if the same had happened to me, as soon as I had recovered, there would have been a bit more machine-gunnery … & missing a put would have been the very least of the club’s members complaints.

Mind you, when you consider how the current government treats our wounded service personnel, it just goes to show that times don’t change.

"When Harry met Tali" *

Well good on Prince Harry for not giving up & badgering the MoD until they let him go & do the job that he has been trained to do. However it is worth pointing out that in 1982 Prince Andrew joined 820 Naval Air Squadron, serving aboard the aircraft carrier, HMS Invincible & was sent ‘down south’.

Throughout the Falklands War he flew on various missions, including Anti-Submarine Warfare and Anti-Surface Warfare search, exocet missile decoy, as well as other missions. He also helped in casualty evacuation, transport and was involved in some highly dangerous Search and Air Rescue missions.

Is it just me or was there a lot less fuss in the press about that particular deployment? Clearly the media or at lest the weight that the media attaches to stories has changed a lot since 1982.

Its interesting to ponder however, that our Royal Family keep a discreet silence & send their sons to war, when so ordered. The same certainly can’t be said for our politicians or their families.

*stolen from the Daily Star's headline

& this mornings piece of homo-erotic Nazi propaganda is

Is the sort of thing that Christopher Isherwood (pictured left) would have no doubt have approved of

As W H Auden (pictured right) wrote of him

He loved the trees, he loved the squares, he loved the little fountains & the cafes; but most of all, he love those beautiful Berlin boys

One from the vault

Xiong huai chouhen, dan wu xu fa

Tebie yao zhuajin xue sheji, zhandou zhongjian zui daliang zui pubian de ying benshi jiu shi sheji. Yiding yao ba sheji xunlian gao hao.

With vengeance in your heart, no bullet will be fired in vain.

You must especially make the best use of your time to learn how to fire a gun, because in combat this is the most widely used practical skill.

Ensure that training for shooting a gun is thoroughly carried out.

Saul has slain his thousands; But David his tens of thousands

In view of yesterdays report (that the Army has run out of machine guns), perhaps the time is now right to scour our many military museums for suitable replacement weapons & lets be honest, with the possible exception of the greatest light machine gun ever produced, nothing screams stout bulldog like the venerable Vickers medium machine gun. Deploy a few of those to the North West Frontier & the Pathans heads would be kept well & truly down in the gutter

Yes, it harks from a different much happier age & indeed it was in 1881 when Hiram Maxim, was attending a Paris exhibition that he was told that if he was to achieve pay parity with Croesus he was going to need

to invent something that will enable these Europeans to cut each others' throats with greater facility.

Sensing the commercial opportunity, he wisely set up shop in London’s Hatton Garden, an area long noted for its very very commercial outlook &

between 1883 & 1885 patented almost every process by which automatic fire could be produced. In 1884 a press report stated "Hiram Maxim, the well known American electrician has made an automatic machine gun with a single barrel, using the standard .45 rifle cartridge, that will load and fire itself by energy derived from recoil at a rate of over 600 rounds a minute."

The bulldogs adopted the Vickers.303 (basically a go-faster version of Maxim’s original machine gun with a slightly reduced rate of fire) in 1912 & its crew of six could produce the equivalent weight of fire of 40 well drilled riflemen.

The following tale related by Ian Hogg gives you an idea of just how good a weapon this was

The Vickers gun accompanied the BEF to France in 1914, and in the years that followed proved itself to be the most reliable weapon on the battlefield, some of its feats of endurance entering military mythology. Perhaps the most incredible was the action by the 100th Company of the Machine Gun Corps at High Wood on August 24, 1916.

One team fired 120,000 from one gun to win a five-franc prize offered to the highest-scoring gun. And at the end of that 12 hours every gun was working perfectly and not one gun had broken down during the whole period. It was this absolute foolproof reliability which endeared the Vickers to every British soldier who ever fired one. It never broke down; it just kept on firing and came back for more. And that was why the Mark 1 Vickers gun was to remain the standard medium machine-gun from 1912 to 1968.

Sadly, I have never had the opportunity for fire this most quintessentially British of weapons. However in light of the current shortages of both men & material, I don’t discount being recalled to the Colours at any time (heaven help us all) & indeed, if I were to find myself east of Suez equipped with one of these fine old pieces ...

... I wouldn’t be too disappointed

Sometimes the genius of the MoD leaves to you breathless

One way to ensure that the widely reported ammunition shortages don’t impact upon on-going operations is to run out of the machine guns that the ammunition goes into ...

British troops “desperately” need 400 of the jumbo 0.5in calibre heavy machine guns – the weapon most acutely missed.The Army has also run out of the 7.62mm GPMG and Minimis.

Once more the Whitehall warriors solve the problem.

Via The Firearm Blog & ARRSE as well as Mike H & EX_STAB

Of Courts Martial

Retired Army Green Beret James T. (Smokey) Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling pretty good about it. Taylor, at age 79, is one of the oldest members of Chapter XXXIII (The Larry Thorne Chapter) of the Special Forces Association. He was placed on trial by fellow Chapter XXXIII members under the charge of "failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber" in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in November.

The court martial, of course, was very much tongue in cheek. The event itself was deadly serious.

Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of November 5, 2007,when an intruder broke into his home. He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.

"It was just after Halloween, on Monday morning at 4:30," Taylor said. I heard this commotion at the door and grabbed my fishing gun, a little 22 revolver, to see what was going on. I got to the front door and this fellow had ripped my security door out of its frame. He said, 'you're
going to have to kill me. I'm coming in.'"

When a warning to leave went unheeded, Taylor brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes.

"I was about four feet away from him when I shot," Taylor said. "Looking back now, I'm glad he didn't die, but that boy had the hardest head I've ever seen. The bullet bounced right off."

The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the house then got up and ran down the street. Taylor dialed 911 and
Knoxville police apprehended the wounded man about 200 yards away, hiding in a hedgerow.

Complicating the case, as well as the court martial, the offender was released on bail but failed to appear for his court date. Knoxville police said the man was homeless. They did not know his whereabouts or why he had been given bail.

The charges brought against Taylor by his fellow Green Berets were considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and
Vietnam.

"Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial," said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long of Asheville, NC.

The trial was held at the Hampton Inn in Brevard, part of the group's regularly scheduled quarterly meeting. Long appointed a judge, Bert Bates, a defense counsel, Jim Hash, and a prosecutor, Charlie Ponds. All are retired Special Forces non-commissioned officers with extensive
combat and weapons experience.

Ponds outlined the case against Taylor, emphasizing that the citizens of Knox County were going to be burdened with significant costs to again apprehend, and then prosecute and defend the would-be burglar.

"Proper choice of a larger caliber gun would have spared the citizens this financial burden," Ponds said, "while removing one bad guy from the streets for good. He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't
big enough to get the job done. Hash disagreed. He said Taylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a 22.

"If he'd used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor's wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed. I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man."

Hash then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp's forehead.

"He was victimized by old ammunition," he said, "just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II."

Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. The jury, consisting of all the members of the Chapter, discussed the merits of choosing a larger caliber weapon as
well as the obvious benefits to society of permanently deleting the intruder so he would never again threaten any private citizen.

The other side of the coin, that of accidentally causing injury to a completely innocent citizen if a more powerful gun had been used, also gained considerable support.

Following testimony from both sides, Judge Bates determined the charges should be dismissed. The decision was met with a round of applause. In
fact, there was strong sentiment expressed that Taylor should receive an award for not only choosing wisely in picking up the 22, but for the accuracy of his aim under difficult and dangerous conditions.

After the trial Taylor said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out the door.

"I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead," Taylor said. "It was good for both of us that it didn't."

Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don't go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

A wave of TDB for this one

We all have our doubts about the crabs...

but now the proof that we have been waiting for

Thanks to TDB for confirming our suspicions

Multiculturalism, another view

At home, we should make greater effort to ensure that a clear national identity & a multicultural approach can sit more comfortably together. But we must not delude ourselves; clarity of thought is essential. I am a great believer in live & let live, but not at the expense of my British way of life. The fundamental political question here is what degree of tolerance the body politic should afford to those whose intolerance looks to destroy that body politic, and the rule of law that underpins it.

General Sir Mike Jackson – Soldier: The Autobiography, Pg 375

IED SOPs

In the past, we have dealt with such weighty martial topics as

Staff Guidance on Defence Restructuring

How different units within the British Armed Forces deal with snakes

Military phrases that you would rather not hear

Staff officers speak (updated)

& not forgetting

Immediate Actions on Encountering a Plan

This afternoon’s little offering (via ARRSE) has the snappy title of (waaaaaait for it),
AMENDMENT#93489321 (4TH EDITION) TO UK FORCES (IRAQ) SOPs:
ACTIONS ON: IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE (IED)

1.Household Cavalry.
Regard IED with haughty disdain and rustle Daily Telegraph angrily. Maintain presence of IED in Knightsbridge is “absolutely preposterous”. Return to regimental main effort of defending Central London from the roundheads.

7.Royal Marines.
Declare that IED is “hoofing”. Get junior men naked with IED as an initiation. Turn IED into an improvised free-weight for bench pressing. Indent for extra, extra supplementary rations from “the galley”. Hoofing.

8.SAS.
Deploy bearded men 200km behind IED using HALO-Landrover-Submarine insertion. Tab into area of IED and capture IED alive. Smuggle IED out in burka and extract to UK. Write a book per team member, all with hugely differing accounts of the OP.

MAJ GEN. Sir Quentin Farquin-Arson Winker (RET.)
DEC ‘07

Once more, thanks & a packet of Biscuits AB to EX_STAB for this one.

A further addendum

Regular readers will recall that a few days ago we had a little addendum to the Liberian Infantry Tactics Review – well this morning we have a further addition to make, snapped on graduation day at the University of Monrovia …

& the Sepos think they have a problem with firearms in schools?

A festive wave of the yuletide cigar to reader Andrew for the pic

Tuesdays competition

Do you remember the Liberian Infantry Tactics Review post that seemed to elicit so many comments. Well here is something in similar vein …

To be honest, its late & I can't think of a decent caption. Maybe someone can come up with something suitable

The Sten Gun

You wicked piece of vicious tin!
Call you a gun? Don't make me grin.
You're just a bloated piece of pipe.
You couldn't hit a hunk of tripe.
But when you're with me in the night,
I'll tell you pal, you're just alright!

You conceited pile of salvage junk.
I think this prowess talk is bunk.
Yet if I want a wall of lead
Thrown at some Jerry's head
It is to you I raise my hat;
You're a damn good pal...
You silly gat!

Ode to a Sten Gun by Gunner. S.N. Teed

Of all of the weapons that Her Majesty used to loan me on a periodic basis, I suppose that I liked the Sterling Sub Machine Gun the least. Its not that I had a real disliked of it; with the benefit of hindsight I suppose that I was just ambivalent to it. If you asked me to sum up my feelings I would have to say well at least it was light which when on exercise is the most important feature of any weapon, coupled with the fact that you had as much chance of being issued with any 9mm blank as you have of holding a politician to an election pledge – so at ENDEX, all that was required was a quick wipe over as it wouldn’t have been fired. However, in comparison to say the SLR or the LMG, the Sterling just wasn’t in the same league

Despite its shortcomings, the Sterling represents the (cough cough) pinnacle of development of its predecessor, the Sten gun … or to give it its great & glorious full official designation, the Carbine, Machine, Sten.

Notwithstanding any lingering misgivings that I might harbour for its final variant, there is something terribly British about the Sten: a design cobbled together in somewhat of a panic because we had sent an Army to war with very little of the kit that it actually needed – see, times don’t change do they dear readers. But forget the engineering excellence of the German MP38s & MP40s or indeed the solidity of the American’s Thompson … we produce over 4 million sub machine guns that … errrrr didn’t really work very well.

So what can we say about the Sten? Well first of all & importantly for a country that was fighting for its life, it was cheap & easy to produce - you could produce approximately 15 Stens for the cost of one Lee Enfield No.4.

The Sten emerged while Britain was engaged in the Battle of Britain, facing invasion by the Nazis. The army was forced to replace weapons lost during the evacuation from Dunkirk while expanding at the same time. Prior to 1941 (and even later) the British were purchasing all the Thompson submachine guns they could from the United States of America, but this did not begin to meet demand. The American entry into the war at the end of 1941 placed an even bigger demand on the facilities making Thompsons. In order to rapidly equip a sufficient fighting force to counter the Axis threat, the Royal Small Arms Factory, Enfield, was commissioned to produce a significantly cheaper alternative.

The credited designers were Major R. V. Shepherd, OBE, Inspector of Armaments in the Ministry of Supply Design Department at The Royal Arsenal, Woolwich, (later Assistant Chief Superintendent at the Armaments Design Department) and Mr. Harold John Turpin, Senior Draughtsman of the Design Department of the Royal Small Arms Factory (RSAF) Enfield. Shepherd had been recalled to service after having retired and spending some time at BSA.

However, that basic design & ease of manufacturing was also its Achilles heel

It was not very reliable. It was not very accurate and could carry on firing when you let go of the trigger and even go off when the trigger was not pulled (if dropped or it received some other form of shock or impact). It was often regarded as being just as dangerous to your own men as to the enemy.

Another source of problems was magazine spring, so magazines were routinely loaded with 28-30 rounds instead of "full capacity" 32 rounds to reduce strain on the magazine spring.

These are features that tend not to be considered as very good in your infantry’s weapons

Over the period of manufacture the Sten design was further simplified: the most basic model, the Mark III, could be produced from just five man-hours work.

Some of the cheapest versions were made from only 47 different parts. It was distinctive for its bare appearance (just a pipe with a metal loop for a stock), and its horizontal magazine.

From 1943, the Mark 2S were produced which incorporated an integral supressor. This would heat up rapidly when fired & a canvas cover was laced around for some protection. The suppressed models were produced at the request of the Special Operations Executive for use by their teams in occupied Europe.

These guns had shortened barrels enclosed into integral silencer. The silencer was rather effective so most audible sound when firing Mark 2S was the clattering of the bolt moving back and forth in the receiver. Contemporary manuals advised that the weapon was to be fired in semi-automatic mode; the full automatic fire was reserved for emergency situations, as it decreased the service life of silencer significantly.

So there you have it, a shorter history of one of our most numerous & iconic weapons which will never be held up as an example of either design excellence. It worked some of the time & sometimes when you didn't want it to. Call it what you will; the "Plumber's Nightmare", "Plumber's Abortion", "Stench Gun" or "Woolworth's Gun", it is now, for better or worse, embedded into our military history

Mr FM's History of the IRA (Expedited Version)

Just picking up from my earlier post on continuing terrorist violence in Northern Ireland, I thought that this morning, we should take a little look at the history of the IRA which in so many ways, echoes 'that' scene from Monty Pythons Life of Brian. So without further ado & armed only with a bottle of Bushmills, let us plunge into the murky world of Irish revolutionary politics.

The Original IRA (OIRA) aka the Old IRA (confusingly also known as OIRA) fought in the War of Independence. After the Battle of Yorktown & a simply catastrophic map reading error, they moved to the south side of Boston where they continue to fight amongst one & other to this day.

Part of the OIRA accepted the compromise of the 1921 treaty which established the Irish Free State & Free State government. Ironically, the Irish Free State is nothing to do the Orange Free State which was so named in honour of the House of Orange. Whilst certain parts of southern Africa continue hark back to their Dutch Protestant roots, inexplicably in Dublin, King William is not remembered so fondly.

Although this was a diplomatic incident waiting to happen, their followed a reasonably stable period of Irish history until a catastrophic seating plan failure at the opening banquet of the Helsinki Conference of 1929 when the delegations for the Irish Free State & the Orange Free State were seated at the same table as the sales director for the Amstrad Solid State wireless.

Supporters of the OIRA formed the Fine-Gael Party, currently the second-largest party in Ireland. With additional recruits, it became the National Army, later known as the Irish Defence Force or IDF. As a result of the Great Storm of 1951 in the Western Approaches, a ship carrying members of the IDF was blown off course landing in Cairo, not Cork as originally intended. The resulting confusion goes someway to explaining the current ‘troubles’ in the West Bank, Gaza Strip & why you can still get a pint of Guinness in certain bars on the Golan Heights.

That part of the OIRA which rejected the compromise of the 1921 treaty on the grounds of editorial control & franchising rights went on under Liam ‘Hangman’ Lynch to fight the Irish Civil War against the Free State 'National Army' also formed of members from the OIRA (but led by Michael Collins), with the support of the anti-treaty faction of Sinn Féin, led by Éamon de Valera. Some years after losing the Civil War, a faction led by de Valera resigned from Sinn Féin, established the Fianna Fáil party, which is currently the largest party in Ireland & proof that in Irish politics if at first you don’t secede …

In the 1930's the remainder of the IRA, including that part of the OIRA organised within Northern Ireland, attempted a bombing campaign in Britain & the symbiotic relationship between Sinn Féin and the IRA was re-established – something that is denied by Nationalist ‘politicians’ to this day

By the 1960s, after the failed border campaign, Sinn Féin moved towards a Marxist Class Struggle Outlook V6.1. With the outbreak of ‘the Troubles’, Sinn Féin, or as it came to be called after the formation of the Provisional IRA (PIRA) & Provisional Sinn Féin, OIRA & Official Sinn Féin, found itself sidelined because of a lack of original acronyms. Over time the OIRA faded away, while Official Sinn Féin moved to a purely Marxist position, renaming itself first Sinn Féin the Workers Party, and then in 1982, The Workers Party where upon it slid into comparative obscurity.

After the OIRA's 1972 ceasefire it & Official Sinn Féin suffered a split in 1974 leading to the formation of the extreme left wing & equally extremely humourless Irish National Liberation Army (INLA). The more bearded members of the INLA, notable for their propensity for internal ideological feuding, in a fit of student pique went on to take themselves even more seriously & formed the Irish Republican Socialist Party (IRSP). The IRSP was initially led by Elvis Costello’s younger brother Seamus . Whilst Elvis wrote & recorded the song ‘Oliver’s Army’, after releasing a critically acclaimed second album, he ceased taking part in any further paramilitary activity. By this stage, Seamus, still head of the IRSP, had been assassinated by the OIRA during a feud over record royalties.

Indeed, this musical theme continues as in 1992 the Workers' Party suffered a split again, resulting in the formation of the Democratic Left, the most leftist of the parties in the Republic with seats in the Dáil Éireann.. Ultimately the Democratic Left merged into the Labour Party to form Fat Larry’s Band where they enjoyed brief chart success with their hit single Zoom (& apologies to A. Sayle Esq. for recycling that joke).

In 1969, the more traditional i.e. corduroy wearing republican members split off into the Provisional IRA (PIRA) & Provisional Sinn Féin. A further split occurred in 1986, when the former leader of Sinn Féin Ruairí Ó Brádaigh - who was replaced by Gerry Adams in 1983 - walked out of the Sinn Féin Ard fheis, citing breeches of pronunciation.

The followers of Ruairí Ó Brádaigh, who adhere to republican legitimatism, & opposing Sinn Féin's decision to abandon both abstentionism & post modernist abstract mimes & enter the Dáil Éireann, set up a rival party and military wing, called Republican Sinn Féin & the Continuity IRA (CIRA).

In 1997, members of the PIRA who did not accept the peace process split off to form the Real IRA (RIRA) & its snappily named political wing, the 32 County Sovereignty Movement which is sometimes known as the Peoples Front of Judea… or was that the Judean Peoples Front??

Rememberance Sunday

Poppy appeal

Yet another shining example of the regard that Nu-Labour has for the Armed Forces

Defence Minister Lord Drayson has taken a "leave of absence" from the government in a bid to take part in the 24-hour Le Mans race.The 47-year-old is resigning from his unpaid post to take part in a series of qualifying events in the United States. A government spokesman said it was "a key step towards his eventual dream of success" in Le Mans.

He said next year was the first time bio-ethanol cars would be allowed to compete, adding: "So this is a wonderful opportunity to showcase British motorsport technology for environmentally friendly racing."

So, me’laud … taking driving cars that panders to the increasingly rabid demands of the eco-fascists is more important than ensuring that in your job as Minister of State you ensuring that MoD procurement is running properly (of course it never will) & the armed forces have the kit that they need (which they dont).Let’s just say that this man has in interesting set of personal priorities which sadly, really comes as no surprise.

How to win on the North West Frontier

Ex Stab points out the proper way to deal with the Pathans

Liberian Infantry Tactics Review - Reposted

Upon quiet whiskey induced contemplation in the small hours of Saturday morning your humble correspondent had cause to reflect upon the days posting & the On This Day entry in particular which showed the British Army in action in both Afghanistan & Mesopotamia in the nineteenth & twentieth centuries on January 13th many years ago. Now, in 2006, the kit might have changed but the locations havent. So, with the help of a few more fingers of the dark stuff & reader Michael H who sent me this, today we can look at the infantry tactics utilised by some of our current prospective opposition.

The images below were taken during the battle for the Liberian capital, Monrovia, where local custom dictates that the use of a weapons sights is strictly prohibited. Also prohibited are aiming, assuming a supported firing position - in fact anything that might resemble anything that might constitute marksmanship. Hip hop / rappa / gangsta poses are mandatory, as we will see.

Lethality is achieved by subjecting the target to a hosing down with automatic fire, undirected artillery & mortars or attempting to lower the intended targets moral with gesturing & aggressive hip-hop style dancing while firing. Points & respec are awarded for artistic effort, original interpretation, fearsome facial expressions & the gratuitous use of blue duct tape (but more on that in the extended entry).

When undertaken FIBUA operations, most militia units will use the Soul Train infantry formation during the advance to contact

DISCLAIMER: Any similarities to rap stars, hippty hop hop practitioners & gangstas of all races, ethnic origins & religions, living or dead, is purely intentional.

P.S: the comments section is worth a read - living proof that moonbats can sort of type

"RAF jet dropped bomb by accident"

The RAF has launched an investigation after a jet accidentally dropped a 14kg bomb

A spokesman for RAF Lossiemouth said

Incidents like this are extremely rare as certainly on operations, our aircrews rarely leave their air-conditioned hotel rooms

The Ultimate Negligent Discharge?

We have all been around when someone somewhere has ND'ed ... but to accidently pull the trigger on a Sidewinder while still on deck ???

BTW - I checked this on Snopes but could find anything

What a clusterf**k

The UK government has been accused of trying to reclassify two kinds of cluster bombs so they can still be used after a proposed global ban begins. Landmine Action said the government wanted to make use of its current stocks of the controversial bombs which open up to scatter smaller bombs.

Wooooooooooooo… whoopee sh1t, aren’t they very nice?? Can’t have our armed forces using anything nasty or that might actually hurt anyone, can we?? After all, we had to give up using landmines because the bulimic whinger didn’t like them. Maybe if the MoD had had pictures of Simon Le Bon on them she wouldn’t have bleated on about getting rid of them them so much. So, no landmines … no cluster munitions … what ever next? Can’t use those bullets, they look a lit pointy?? Artillery bombs might hurt the little bunnies?? Despite being painted green, have you calculated the carbon footprint of one of those Challenger MBTs ?? (Note to Lurch – see, I got that right this time!)

Ffffffffffffferchristssake, this is supposed to be war, not a Sunday school outing to the woods complete with cucumber sandwiches & checked picnic rug. What the hell ever happened to actually prosecuting war against our enemies?? Raining death & destruction upon the heads of an evil foe isn’t supposed to be an HSE exercise in writing safety management procedures.

Bollocks to the lot of ‘em … I’m off to the range tomorrow morning & in the absence of any representatives of Landmine Action to shoot pointy bullets at, I will just have to make do with cardboard cut-outs … for the time being

I am speechless with contempt for these people

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country," when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
But Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool - you bet that Tommy sees!

& bare faced selfishness in Brown’s Britain reaches new heights …

It is often the first port of call for servicemen and women returning home after being wounded in Iraq or Afghanistan. Soldiers who may have lost limbs or suffered severe trauma spend months rebuilding their lives at Headley Court military rehabilitation centre. But when an Armed Forces charity decided to buy a £ 1.7million six-bedroom house nearby so visiting relatives would have somewhere to stay, the well-heeled neighbours in Ashtead, Surrey, launched their own offensive.

They claimed 'additional noise' and 'huge amount of additional traffic' would ruin the peace of the private lane and warned that the value of their multi-million-pound properties would plummet. The families 'would not be welcome', they said, and their arrival could 'destroy the character' of the area. One resident suggested wheelchairs would present a fire hazard.

Now that the final pieces of glassware & crockery in FM Towers have been broken, maybe it is time to think a little more objectively: to promote community relations, the MoD could host a social event to allay local residents fears. Possibly one of 2 Para Mortar Platoons legendary Rohypnol parties. However on further sober reflection & in the light of comments this …

Residents' association chairman Malcolm Webb, a 58-year-old oil executive, denied residents were 'nimbys'. "This is just the wrong place and the wrong property," he said. "Some are concerned - in these awful days when these ghastly terrorists go after the softest targets - about the security situation."

my suggestion is that Ashtead is immediately turned into a FIBUA training area. These people are actually below contempt & its a good moment to recall Peter Pindar's updating of Kipling's 'Tommy'

We aren't made for cool Britannia; we leave boot marks on the floor.
We don't walk like Peter Mandelson or talk like Jack Straw.
Call us forces of conservatism, if it suits your turn
But we're off like some world fire brigade when the flash-points start to burn.

O it's Tommy change your values - now diversity's the game;
But when Christmas leave is cancelled, then whose tyrants are to blame?
There's tyrants in the mountains, boys, and tyrants in the sands,
So farewell to wives & risk your lives for them in foreign lands.

For further information, & if you fancy helping, have a look in the extended entry. As for the Surrey, if it were down to me, I would move every towel 'ead illegal immigrant chav pondlife ex convict scum there as soon as possible.

For further information

Reports in the local papers are here & here

The eBay shame campaign is here

There is a petition being run on the 10 Downing St website

& more information at ARRSE

Good Morning Colonel

We will start today with a little caption compe-tit-ion ....

A wave of the fat capitalist cigar to Walt for this one

… meanwhile, in Rome …

As I alluded to a few hangovers ago, recent weeks have seen your humble correspondent carousing around the streets of Rome - a truly worthy & righteous pastime, & in particular, louching about at the (Italiam) Ministry of Defence. So it is dear readers that this morning it gives me particular pleasure to be able to report what a magnificent institution the Italians have created – our own MoD looks as shabby as Barnsley is dull, in comparison.

As anyone who has ever had cause to go to Whitehall & visit the MoD Main Building can testify to, as faceless government offices go, it truly is the lavatory pan. Turn up for a meeting with some boarder line alcoholic passed over Major & you will be greeted by at the security area by a sullen glare from one of the army of Crapita employees on the desk – you know the sort … their lips move when they attempt to read The Sun’s so-called editorial.

Not so in Rome. There, judging from his uniform, the entire security area is staffed by a single immaculately attired 2-star general replete with aircraft carrier sized epulattes who will also be watching soccer on the television that is in the security booth. Is he really interested in your ID? Not judging by the look of complete an utter distain he will shoot you through the bullet proof glass. Maybe he is unhappy because the 4 armed guards outside who, from their uniforms, are at least half colonels (all of whom are packing Beretta SMGs dangled nonchalantly from Versace slings) are allowed to wear painfully fashionable sunglasses & he clearly isn’t.

Now this brings me neatly, abet in a slightly contrived fashion, to the second difference – our MoD simply isn’t very martial. The entire sprawling complex comprises floor after floor of sober suited personnel whose only concern seems to be setting KPIs & worrying about how a similar problem would be approached by ‘industry’. Oh yes & of course I nearly forgot the blast curtains in every room, all of which are in that particular tone of thousand wash grey underwear. At least their Italian compatriots offices feel like a real defence ministry … there really are firearms everywhere & I mustn’t forget the medals. In the last month or so I seem to have acquired enough gallantry awards to turn even an only mildly murderous African dictator, green with envy.

As for military punctuality, forget it – but who really cares when you are served coffee that good (seriously nobody does it better) & as you enjoy your espresso, you also have time to ponder the all embracing magnificence of the wall art. Now I have been wracking my brains on this particular point & try as I might, the last Italian military victory that I can recall is when Centurion Russellus Crowe defeated the Orange County Germanic hoards. Clearly the jokes about Italian readiness states including such levels as ineffectual posturing, running away & finally, hiding, don’t accurate relate the true grandeur of their armies achievements against such fearsome opponents as errrr … are those really Eskimos in the corner of that painting?

Power To The People: The Battle of Trafalgar Square

At last, something worth watching on the Bolshevik Boardcasting Corporation ...

Power to the People is a three-part series of mischievous documentaries presented by Tim Samuels, who helps some of the most disenfranchised people in society make their voice heard.

Tim's platoon includes soldiers with shocking tales of neglect who fought in the Falklands right up to those just back from Iraq.

The Battle of Trafalgar Square will be broadcast on Monday 21 May 2007 @ 2100 BST on BBC2 & for anyone interested, there is a thread on this topic running on ARRSE.

4 fingers of something dark n'peaty to TimC for pointing this one out

The missile shield … why we must love it!

Far be it for your humble correspondent set out, in something approaching a coherent argument, the advantages of ballistic missile shields, I thought this morning dear readers we would just review, very briefly some of the advantages of the aforementioned weapons systems if for no other reason, than they are back in the news again.

Firstly, lets be clear – THEY DON’T WORK – however since when has a system actually been required to be working before billions of dollars/pounds are poured into it? Anyone for Bowman?

A textbook study of poor procurement the Bowman radio system takes some beating. The system was supposed to be in service back in the early 1990s. Its cost was going to be £1.9bn, which then escalated to £2.4bn. Five years after the contract had been re-tendered to a new consortium in 2000, the Director of Infantry was still reportedly said to have told his staff he had been forced to accept it with all its faults "for political reasons". On some settings, the user was getting radiation burns. The set weighs 15lbs, three times the weight of its 1960s predecessor, the Clansman. It can’t work in anything armoured. It breaks Land Rover axles. And a store of them overheated and burned down a barracks.

Lets be honest here, half of the stuff that supposedly won the Cold War never worked … nor will it. That’s not the point. The opposition bankrupted themselves building their own non-working weapons systems to try & keep up with our non working weapons systems. This is how bloated capitalists wage war – same spending programmes but with greater shareholder returns. Don’t believe me ? Worried about the direction of The War of Terror? Then you should be buying Halliburton or BAe stock.

Now before we all get marooned in the doldrums waiting for President Ahmejackets 'Flames of Islam' rockets to consume us all, lets take a little look at what the Son of Star Wars ABM systems can do …

1. Liberals hate it. That in itself should be enough reason to take all the money that is wasted on the AIDS riddled starving of Africa - who are going to die anyway, no matter how many photo opportunities aging Irish pop stars host - & spend it on the latest Dr Stangelove slingshot.
2. The Russians hate them as well ... despite testing a modernised anti-ballistic missile of its own. Nothing like a bit of Kremlin double standards to bring back memories of the old days, eh dear readers?
3. Greenpeace are against it ... yet another reason to pour the money into the programme
4. As are the French ...

In speech after speech, Continental politicians—led by French President Jacques Chirac—have accused the United States of seeking to shear off pro-American allies like Britain and Poland and once again split "Old" and "New" Europe, as during the Iraq War. Why, they complain, wasn't the European Union fully consulted? The new ABM system, they say, is evidence that America has not yet mended its unilateralist ways.

So it has cost hundreds of billons of dollars & will cost yet more, but the liberal left, the Rooooooskis, Greenpeace & the Crazy Frog are all against it. Sounds reasonable value for money to me!

Staff Guidance on Defence Restructuring

The following has been shamelessly right clicked from ...

1. This guidance is being issued to remedy a perceived difficulty experienced by Staff at all levels in understanding the rationale behind recent Defence re-structuring. In particular many Staff Officers seem not to understand how reducing the numbers of aircraft, ships, tanks, artillery and soldiers results in a more flexible, robust and effective fighting force.

Streamlined- Just unbelievably small

I M Promoted
SO2 Spin
Ministry of Truth
Orwell Bldg
MOD 1984

Anyone seen a stealth fighter recently?

Thanks to Hugh for this one

Sorry, but could I just point out …

In the extended entry for today’s ‘On This Day’ post the following:

1879: Captain Creagh of the Indian Army began a ten day defence of the village of Kam Dakka near Kabul, holding it with 150 men against ten times that number of raiders …
&
1916: In Mesopotamia, Naik (Corporal) Shahamad Khan commanded a machine-gun team that provided the sole defence of a gap in the British lines …

Nothing much changes, does it dear readers?

Know your enemy

These days, given the wave of PC that has consumed the MoD, I don't suppose that they can produce updated versions of this ...

Troops Out?

Via reader Gareth

Jack in the 21st Cent.

Our wretched Government, and its possible successors, should take note of the words of the preamble to the Articles of War 1652, which are emblazoned on the front of the Royal Naval College & are applicable today: "It is upon the Navy, under the Providence of God that the safety, honour and welfare of this realm do chiefly attend."

Lt Cdr Peter Wyatt (Rtd)

Falklands War - 25 years on

My father in law, the Old Salthorse, went to Dartmouth in 1939. 42 years later, he was ensconced on a sunlounger in Barbados on his (well earned) retirement leave when the High Commissioner rushed over to see him & pass on the news that a spot of unpleasantness has kicked up in the South Atlantic & he had been summoned to the Admiralty by their Lordships. Jumping the next flight back to London, the aircraft was diverted on to a more southerly route on its way back to the UK. As the pilot explained to the passengers, their fight back across the pond would be a bit longer than usual, because they had a senior naval officer on board who needed to see his ships as they sailed south … & so the Old Salthorse went home to fight his final war.

That was now some 25 year ago now & despite the fact that British forces are now involved in rather more ‘expeditionary operations’ than they were in the early 1980’s, Bomber Blair (4 wars: still not out) is overseeing the emasculation of all three Services. It is proposed that the Maroon Machine will no longer be parachute trained ( There is a petition running on the 10 Downing Street website, pointed out by Mark T that I urge you all to go & sign) & as for Her Majesty’s ships … what ships?

Theo Spark points out the Falklands War Anniversary website which is also well worth a visit

... its time to sink the Belgrano all over again

The L1A1 Self Loading Rifle

(Reposted with new pics & a Monday morning poll)

Like the venerable No.4s & LMG (see posts passim), I remember my old SLR with the deepest affection & even today as I type this, I feel strange stirrings at the very mention of it, something I cant say for the GPMG (FN MAG), which I always regarded as an utter pig of a weapon. The SLR was simple, robust & worked, first time every time. Accurate & reliable. Chambered in 7.62 NATO, even a tertiary hit would make your target loose all interest in his nefarious plans - what more could you ask for?

Produced by Fabrique Nationale (FN) & offically named the 'Fusil Automatique Legere' or Light Automatic Rifle. It wasn't particularly light weighing over 9 lbs (& became even heavier once SUIT or IWS sights were added) nor did it have automatic fire capability in its British Army guise. The fact that the SLR possessed no automatic fire capability is no great problem; trying to fire a full power .30 cartridge through a sub-10lb weapon on full auto is a pretty fruitless exercise in the first place.

In semi auto mode, a good specimen in the proper hands, using decent ammunition will shoot to the Holy Grail of one minute accuracy. I have read reports of heavy barrelled versions fitted with a bipod, shooting to half a minute although I will confess that I have never seen that sort of accuracy achieved ... least not in a military issue weapon.

It is however one of the truly great weapons of the 20th Century, a real classic. During its long & illustrious career, it has been issued to the armies of over 85 countries. Used throughout the British Commonwealth (including South Africa & Rhodesia), South America & Israel, it truly has earned its title as the 'Rifle of the Free World'.

The FAL story beings prior to the outbreak of WW2 when the design for a new self-loading rifle was undertaken in Belgium. Fleeing from the German occupation on mainland Europe, the design team set up shop in the UK. Whilst US forces seemed to manage the switch from the blot action Springfield to the M1 Garrand in 1943, the Imperial Chiefs of Staff were far too conservative to consider changing the forces main rifle from the SMLE No.4. It was to be another two decades before the British Army was to get its hands on this weapon.

Following the failure of the British Army in the early 1950s, to adopt the 'bullpup' layout EM2 assault rifle, cambered for .280 cartridge, NATO decided to standardise small arms ammunition & adopted the 7.62x51mm cartridge in 1953, under US influence.

Thus in 1953, the UK issued the FN-FAL & designated it the SLR (Self Loading Rifle) - as one commentator put it,

we adopted a cartridge it did not want in a rifle it did not want.

HMG used to loan me one & I had another at home - the latter was confiscated by the Government after the Tory Government banned civilian ownership of centrefire rifles. I miss both of this weapons to this day. For a piece of equipment that it did not want, the SLR did really rather well, having no real vices. Maybe how good the orginal FN design was only fully realised once the time came for it to be replaced ... as nothing had prepared us for the horror of what was to follow: the SA80

Now, you can find a lot of good discussion about the SLR & SA80 here but enough of me what do you chaps (& indeed chapesses) think?

We will let this poll run until close of trading on Friday & see where we are up to

Brothers in arms: Tommy in the 21st Century

John Keegan, the famous military analyst & historian on an encounter he had with a tall, lean, crew-cut young man he met in Washington. The conversation went as follows:

Marine? I asked.
Yes, he answered.
Have you just been in Iraq?
Afghanistan. Just got back.
The exchange was straight out of Kipling.

This is my Christmas 'forces' post to remind you (not that frankly any of you need reminding) to say or prayer or spare a thought for those who are in harm's way this Christmas, on our behalf.

Carrying on the Kipling theme, it is worth recalling Peter Pindar's updating of 'Tommy'

We aren't made for cool Britannia; we leave boot marks on the floor.
We don't walk like Peter Mandelson or talk like Jack Straw.
Call us forces of conservatism, if it suits your turn
But we're off like some world fire brigade when the flash-points start to burn.

O it's Tommy change your values - now diversity's the game;
But when Christmas leave is cancelled, then whose tyrants are to blame?
There's tyrants in the mountains, boys, and tyrants in the sands,
So farewell to wives & risk your lives for them in foreign lands.

If any of you arn't familiar with Kipling's original, it is in the extended entry. Read, learn & inwardly digest - not much has changed in 100 years.

TOMMY

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!

McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company of course does not have a sense of humour and made the IT department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too) ...

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs & desires.

1. Title
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name: ..............................................
Initial: ..........
Last Name:..............................................
Password: ................................ (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......../......./......

4. Serial Number: ..........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue / showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Previously attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: [_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / manoeuvrability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc.third world countries [_] Iraq [_] Libya [ ] France [ ] Classified

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer satellite [_] CD player [_] Surface to air missile system [_] Space shuttle [_] Home computer [_] Nuclear weapon [ ] Chemical / biological agent [_] Other weapon of mass destruction

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that
apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcase of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Travellers check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Extortion [ ] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT:
This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the pit bull next door is living on borrowed time. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Sure, you can trust the Government - ask any indian.

Afghanistan

Many of you will have already seen this picture that one one of a series that were published in the Torygraph last week. However, looking at it this morning, all is not as it seems ... can ya see what it is yet? Well canya?

Hint: check out the footwear

On a related Browning 50 cal topic, The Englishman has more digusting news of how Nu Labour treats our magnificent Armed Forces

Women pilots

The Air Force cargo aircraft pushed back from the gate, the loadmistress gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your Aircraft Commander, Major Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Sgt. Looper, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the Major a woman?" When the cargo crew came by, he said "Did I understand you right? Is the Major a woman?"

"Yes," said the crew member, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Sgt. Looper, "I'd better have a tranqulizer. I don't know what to think of all those women up
there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing Sarge," she said, "We no longer call it the cock pit."

"It's the Box Office."

Thanks to Chuckie for this one

Proof that the SA80 is no use

Its not even capable of taking a direct it from an RPG round...

How the British Armed Forces deal with snakes

Some months ago now, we looked at how the various branches of the British Armed Forces would react upon that most dangerous objects, a plan. Given that the Forces continue to enjoy a Kipling-esque existence under ‘Bomber’ Blair’s premiership, they are now deployed in far flung climes where they face not only fearsome foe but also similarly unpleasant fauna, this morning dear readers I thought we might examine how the various branches, regiments & corps will react on confronting a snake …

Infantry
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them & quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.

Parachute Regiment
Lands on & kills snake.

Armour
Runs over snake, laughs & looks for more snakes.

Cavalry
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on primary objective which is to hold London against Roundheads at all costs

RM Commando
Gets naked, plays with snake. Gets drunk with snake. Eats snake

Combat Engineer
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets & defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry & drowns.

Royal Artillery
Fires 3 hour concentrated barrage. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on snake & kills it. Mission declared successful & all participants awarded gallantry medals.

Special Forces
Makes contact with snake & ignoring Foreign Office directives, builds rapport with snake & starts winning its heart & mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best-seller “Python Two Zero”.

Royal Army Medical Service
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.

Territorial Army
Kills snake by accident on weekend exercise. Keeps quiet about it.

University Officer Training Corps
Is not experienced enough to deal with snake. Waits until end of weekend exercise, takes snake to Students’ Union bar, gets drunk, sleeps with snake’s fat friend. Snake dies of embarrassment

Intelligence Corps
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snake bite.

REME
Finds snake, teaches it health & safety, COSHH regs, then crushes it in PAC change. Snake dies

Royal Signals
Mutters a lot about snake's role in the J6 plan. Configures snake to pass high bandwidth satellite comms. Snake ends up cooked on front of satellite dish aimed in the vague direction of "over there". No-one notices snake death until Comd's VTC connection drops 2 minutes before start time. Urgent search for replacement snake ongoing.

Adjutant General
Determines that the snake is not black, female, homosexual or disabled. Loses interest.

Defence Logistics Organisation
Orders 2 year study by Anderson Consultants at cost of £10.5M. generating massive workload at grade I staff level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output costing savings by inclusion of snake meat in tri-service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed, with 2-star tri-service steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all messes & ration packs by 2010. Snake experts from Special Forces & Ghurkhas ignored. High profile £2M PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott & retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their index-linked pensions. Snake meat launched in service messes to resounding the resounding clamour of apathy. Desperate to recoup lost money, Army demolishes 300 married quarters & sells snake meat holdings to Indian & Canadian Armed Forces.

Defence Procurement Agency
Decide they want to buy a Snake. Offer ambiguous contract out for tender. Contract states that an eel will be supplied as Government Furnished Equipment & must be modified to meet the performance characteristics of a snake as laid out in the aforementioned ambiguous contract. 6 years late & £3Bn pounds over budget, the project is scrapped & a COTS snake is bought from the USA for ££1Bn.

Whitehall Warrior
Initially denies knowledge of snake, but subsequently admits that snake was acquired on advice of intelligence services & secret legal advice. Announces inquiry which will lead to prosecution of service personnel who handled snake, whilst exonerating government ministers.

Royal Navy
Fires the entire UKs stock of Tomahawk missiles from its 4 remain ships.Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to Parliamentary Select Committee on how naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.

Royal Air Force
Obtains geo-co-ordinates for snake. Spends £20Bn of Eurofrighter to counter snake threat. Loads air to air missiles by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet, can’t find snake so dumps missiles in sea on way home. Returns to base for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial & manicure.

& a couple of others

British tabloid press
Invents lurid story about soldiers from 'elite' RLC laundry unit taking part in strange rituals involving snakes

Phil Shiner
Travels to snake's location & offers to represent snake in legal action against the Army, but is run over by armour as indistinguishable from other snakes.

(Cobbled together from various scources)

If you go down the woods today ... (survival training joke)

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the directing staff tell them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls.....

First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

"Excellent!" remarks one of the instructors.

Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; good effort", says the instructor.

Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the course director, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate instructor.

The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:

"Alright, alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"

Via ARRSE

Iraq: Troops Out?

By now, General Sir Richard Dannatt's comments will have been seized upon by ever lefty appeaser you care to mention

However rather that listen to what overpaid meejar pundits think, here are a selection of comments on the ARmy Rumour SEvice site from people that really count:

303 SMLE I don't think they'll be able to force him out of it without causing a hell of a scandal. He might wind up in the woods having committed suicide, but somehow, I doubt it. Generals are rather harder to intimidate than scientists and civil servants

Brandt I knew the CGS when he was a Bde commander and was always really straightforward and what he said was always intelligent. I just think he has had enough of politicians raping HIS army, and has decided to do something about it. If he gets the sack, watch out for fireworks- If he has had the balls to stand up for us, we should do the same.

Lanky The Downing St pr machine must be running at about 6000rpm at the minute.Perfect! The solution to the energy crises... just plug the Downing Street spin machine into the national grid and we can replace fossil fuels!

Or from the CGS himself

When I see the Islamist threat in this country I hope it doesn't make undue progress because there is a moral and spiritual vacuum in this country. Our society has always been embedded in Christian values; once you have pulled the anchor up there is a danger that our society moves with the prevailing wind.There is an element of the moral compass spinning. I think it is up to society to realise that is the situation we are in. We can't wish the Islamist challenge to our society away and I believe that the army both in Iraq and Afghanistan and probably wherever we go next, is fighting the foreign dimension of the challenge to our accepted way of life. We need to face up to the Islamist threat, to those who act in the name of Islam and in a perverted way try to impose Islam by force on societies that do not wish it. It is said that we live in a post Christian society. I think that is a great shame. The broader Judaic-Christian tradition has underpinned British society. It underpins the British army.

Looks like Johny is living up to his reputation

As I work through tonight (the Week from Hell ends Friday lunchtime), it is worth taking a moment & stepping away from the swaption pricing model* that I have been working on all day, to remember that elsewhere in the world, good work is being done on our behalf ...
Via Chosen Man

With the Taliban closer than 50 yards, Rifleman Nabin Rai, 20, manning a heavy machinegun on the roof, had several rounds ricochet off his weapon before a bullet went through the gunsight and hit him in the face. "His commander called for him to be medi-vacced out, but he refused to come down from the roof," said Major Rex. "Later he was again hit, this time in the helmet. He sat down and had a cigarette, then went back to his position."

&

The Gurkhas faced constant danger from several snipers and Taliban mortar teams. "The snipers had positions in buildings two rooms back with holes cut through the walls to give them a field of fire," said Major Rex. British troops could not show themselves during the day and a signaller was shot in the back, but survived his injuries. In response the Gurkhas flew in a specialist sniper. "It was cat and mouse for a couple of days," said Major Rex. "Then our sniper, Corporal Imbahadar Gurung, got four confirmed kills."
The full story here

For those of you into derivatives & hedging instruments, some utter nonsense that sums up just about everything this week.....

Pricing methodology depends on setting up a model of the probability distribution of the forward zero-coupon curve at the time of pricing and imposing that model on the forward-start IRSs' cashflow structure, with the aim of obtaining a probability distribution of the net present value of the cashflows. The zero-coupon curve is assumed to undergo a Markov process (which is a distinct class of stochastic process). A stochastic process literally means 'guessable' and can be described as a process which involves a random variable in which the successive values are inter-dependent in some way. The probability distribution of the forward curve depends amongst other factors on the swaption maturity, the appropriate interest rate for that period, the current forward curve and the implied volatility (the assumed rate of change of the curve). The present value of the forward swap will also obviously depend on the individual cashflows pertaining to the underlying structure of the swap, either accreting or amortising or both, on which the swaption is based. The probability distribution of the forward curve can be modelled by using a binomial numerical model, which uses binomial trees. Alternatively, it can be structured by modelling the stochastic process through one of a number of mathematical models, such as the Black and Scholes model.

The market standard tool for pricing swaptions is to simulate the route taken by the modified Black model. This is because of its ease of use and market acceptance. However, the modified Black formula has been subject to extensive criticism from various sources over the years. The more prominent shortcomings illuminated by these authors entail that the particular model looks at the underlying IRS simply as a forward rate; it does not encapsulate the structure of the swap, such as maturity, coupon frequency, etc. Indeed, the more complicated cashflow structures such as rollercoaster or accreting swaps will almost certainly yield incorrect results. In addition, it is shown to be theoretically imperfect, because of the fact that the modified Black model only allows for one stochastic. It also uses a fixed-yield curve, whereas swap traders know that the curve undergoes a stochastic process. Newer models, such as the Ho-Lee, Heath-Jarrow-Merton and Hull-White models, are called arbitrage-free models and are designed to avoid arbitrage possibilities due to changes in the yield curve. Some of the newer models also make the volatility itself a stochastic term.

Military phrases that you would rather not hear

Of course the Claymore is pointing away from us...er..which way are WE pointing ?

The RAF will be providing the close air support

Move to Grid 12345678 where the helicopters will pick you up at 0300

Good effort lads, outstanding entry drills, but it's the wrong house

Soldier, I'm the Platoon Commander, I should have the map

You are cordially invited to the 3 Para Mortar Platoon Rohypnol Party

Pick up the log

It's character building

It's your turn to blow the blind grenade

OK, integrity question, did you do it?

Follow me, it's a short cut

Your new Troop Sgt has just done P company

You feature rather a lot in the Christmas duty list

We're all out of them, fill out all these forms and we will indent for them

The RSM wants your feet in his in tray NOW

Tony needs something to whip up voter support and he's decided on another war

Right, lads, this one's a silent breach

Right-ho chaps, I know where we are, follow me!

Can you just have a quick look at my 432?

Don't worry lads. I was in the RAF you know

You'll like Osnabruck its a great posting

Tony has decided to send troops to the Lebanon on peace keeping duties...
...using UN rules of engagement...with only 2 rounds each!

Right clicked from the ARRSE

I beg your pardon

I know that this morning I am tired, hungover & not entirely sure as to how exactly I ended up waking in the Paddington Hilton but casting a blood shot eye over the Torygraph, I see that the apologise-for-everything rabble are up to their nefarious little games again … & that makes me jolly cross.

Now look, I am very sorry that your father/grandfather/great grandfather was put up against a wall & shot, but he was convicted of desertion on the evidence available at the time, taking into account the state of medical science during the first quarter of the 20th century… & that’s the way it goes I’m afraid.

World wars are unpleasant things (contrary the thinking that has frequently prevailed in certain parts continental Europe) & people get dead. Funnily enough, once you are dead, the most recent study published in The Lancet points towards the empirical evidence that you tend to stay dead. That is of course unless your name is Lazarus Snodgrass & some fellow that looks like a cast off from Woodstock happens to be passing. No amounts of apologies are going to bring anyone back. Period.

Of course, times move on & our knowledge of combat stress, although still not perfect, has greatly increased & therefore is safe to assume that in all probability, some of those that were executed for desertion were suffering from shell-shock. To attempt to speculate as to how many of the executed soldiers were genuinely suffering from a combat induced disorder is nothing more that conjecture & speculation. What is a matter of fact is that some of the deserters did so with the benefit of the full use of their faculties. However the apologistas conveniently gloss over that little nugget.

And so we are faced with the prospect of a morally bankrupt government being hijacked by a very small pressure group & coerced into making some form of half baked apology from events that took place over 80 years ago that no one alive today had anything to do with. Numpties, the whole bl**dy lot of ‘em.

While I disappear off now to go & fantasise about to whom exactly I would like to extend the offer of the ‘prisoners last cigarette’, here are John Keegan’s thoughts on this matter & his is a very sensible fellow

It is difficult to see who will benefit from the Government's decision to pardon Private Harry Farr, shot for cowardice on the Western Front in 1916 and from its promise to pardon the other 305.

Des Browne, who is promising to make quite a decent Minister of Defence, has a duty to deny it to them.

Posted to the Sandbox ... bored ... got a Hummer to play with ...

Well, this is exactly the sort of thing I would do

Thank you to Hugh for this one

Sgt Steve Roberts

This is a repost from May 2006, but my comments still stand. In the interim, it looks like the MoD has admitted that Sgt Roberts was killed by 'friendly fire'.

As this story is back in the news, it is worth revisiting as very slowly the truth appears to be emerging about the �body armour controversy�. The best & most rational explanation for Sgt Roberts death that your humble correspondent had read to date is set out by Lewis Page in his excellent book Lions Donkeys & Dinosaurs which anyone with an interest in current MoD / governmental incompetence should read. Thus, I make no apologies for plagiarising both Page�s train of thought & reasoning.

Sgt Roberts was killed five days into the invasion of Iraq by a single chest wound while dismounted from his Challenger 2 Main Battle Tank. The MoD admitted to his widow that if he had been wearing the latest Enhanced Combat Body Armour (ECBA), he would have survived. However this particular item of kit had been taken away from his unit. Cue howls of indignation from the anti-war press � you know, the usual mantra of nonsense that they love to trot out.

However there is a little more to the story than the usual �our brave lads betrayed by toffee nosed officers � blah blah blah�

Until 2002 the Army�s standard issue body armour was a lightweight ballistic vest, capable of stopping shrapnel but not a high velocity round. This is perfectly reasonable as in high intensity conflicts, most wounds are caused by artillery. The extra weight & discomfort of rigid plate body armour required to stop a bullet was simply not worth it. However long anticipated massed tank battle on the German Plain is now a dim & distant memory & with it, long marches on foot. In current operations, infantry are not carrying their bergens with them, therefore they can better cope with the extra weight of ECBA. This is coupled with the fact that these days, the bad guys are much more likely to be shooting at you with small arms, as in Iraq.

This course goes against the original military plan for operations in Iraq where a high intensity battle was envisaged against a large standing army. Consequently planners thought that infantry would have to carry a full range of heavy ordinance & face a threat from hostile artillery � therefore light weight body armour was more appropriate. However at least somebody along Whitehall was thinking which makes a nice change & realised that the invasion of Iraq would entail, at some stage, Fighting in Built Up Areas (FIBUA) against regular & irregular militias. The Army was chronically short of ECBA at this point but managed to rustle up nearly enough sets to equip the infantry who would be in all likelihood spend large amounts of time dismounted from their Warrior Infantry Fighting Vehicles, possibly engaged in urban areas.

It was thus that Sgt Roberts, a tank commander, had his body armour taken away. As a tanker he was protected by the improved Chobham armour of his tank, which after all really is the best protection that the taxpayer can buy anyone. It was the correct decision to take away ECBA & issue it instead to infantry units.

Sadly, Sgt Roberts was killed while dismounted from his tank, caught in cross fire between Iraqi & Coalition forces. His post mortem showed that he had been killed by a single 7.62mm tracer round although the pathologist crucially didn�t specify which sort of 7.62mm bullet had killed him (NATO & Russian 7.62mm whilst firing the same calibre bullet are very different types of ammunition).

Tracer ammunition is widely used in tank crews auxiliary mounted machine guns but much less so in infantry assault weapons. In fact I strongly suspect that Iraqi soldiers/militia/insurgents/terrorists have very very little tracer ammunition. So the balance of probability is that tragically, Sgt Roberts was killed in a �blue-on-blue� incident although the truth of this will probably never be known.

It is interesting that the MoD carried out a post mortem which is highly unusual in the case of battlefield casualties. This must lead us to conclude that right from day one, their must have been suspicions that Sgt Roberts had been killed by his own comrades � the full truth will almost certainly never be known as the lethal bullet probably travelled clean through him & was never recovered.

Sgt Roberts had the right kit for his job, a fact that a lot of people conveniently seem to be ignoring. He was killed in all probability by members of his own unit, another fact that people seem to be ignoring. Also, don�t sully the memory of our fallen soldiers simply because it suits certain people�s anti-war agenda.

Towel 'eads 0, Paras 21

"I challenged them, they turned their weapons systems on us & we neutralised the threat immediately - meaning we shot & killed them"

Good to see that the Maroon Machine is taking its 'peacekeeping' duties seriously & acting in the finest traditions of the regt.

Defence spending

Owing to cuts in defence spending & the fact that the Crabs are spunked away the next 25 years pocket money on the not needed Eurofighter, all three services are feeling the pinch. The long suffering PBI are now no longer able of afford traditional regimental mascots,such as goats & are being forced to downsize.

At least Private James Thompson of the Prince of Wales Own Regiment knows how to share an intimate moment with the mascot-lite, Quebec the Ferret. Traditions maintained methinks

Voice mail massages

Ring ring ... ring ring ... ring ring ....

Thank you for calling the British Army, I'm sorry but all of our units are out at the moment or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Afghanistan, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal Opportunities training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.

Have a pleasant day and thank you again for trying to contact the British Army

Thanks to The Spark for this one

James Miller & Death in Gaza (Reposted)

This story is back in the news again today ...

Relatives and friends of an award-winning British documentary maker who was shot dead in Gaza condemned the Israeli authorities yesterday for failing to investigate his death properly.

So I thought that this post needed to be dusted down & aired once again. As for commenter Dan who thinks I am a "vile little hack" & Carol Herbert who thinks I am "an embraessment to Downside", my original comments still stand.

I never knew James Miller. We were at the same school at the same time, but our paths never crossed as he was a few years younger than me. That is my tenuous connection with him. For those of you that haven�t heard of him, he was shot dead in the Rafah refugee camp by the IDF, while filming a documentary about how violence in the �occupied territories� affects Palestinian children. The programme entitled �Death in Gaza� was shown on Channel 4 on Tuesday night. Frankly, I thought it was excellent � dramatically shot & well edited, it was a powerful study of the lives of three Palestinian children who are filled with hatred for the Israelis & are cruelly manipulated & groomed for 'martyrdom' by the terrorists who claimed to be their protectors.

Sira Shah who was standing next to James when he was shot, describes him thus,

�James told me once that if he'd lived in World War II, he'd have been one of those officers who led his men over the top, because it would have been unthinkable to admit he was afraid. He described seeing in the corridors of his public school, Downside, rows & rows of pictures of old boys who had lost their lives during the war. 'They looked so young & so utterly decent. I just wanted to be like that.'

He came from a military family, but said he'd never joined the Army as he 'had a problem with discipline'. This wasn't true - he was one of the most disciplined people I've ever met - but he did have a delightfully anarchic side. After three days sitting in the office of a particularly repellent Taliban official, James picked up the man's desk diary, flipped it forward six months, and wrote, 'US air strikes'. He was later proud he had the date right almost to the day.�

James was killed, walking up to an Isreli APC, at night. This plan shows the relative positions.

The incident is described as follows,

�A local television freelance had been filming James (shown as J on the plan), Saira (shown as S) & their translator, Aboud (marked A), as they walked, unarmed & without camera, towards an Israeli armoured vehicle less than 100 yards away to request permission to leave the area.

Saira is shouting "British journalists!" and James is shining a torch onto a white flag carried by Aboud. All are wearing flak jackets and helmets emblazoned with the letters "TV". It is dark but they would have been easily visible to the Israeli forces with night vision, who had been watching as they filmed earlier in the evening.

When a single shot rings out, the three stop still. "We presumed it was a warning shot from the Israelis," says Saira. "So we didn't try to run or hide. We stood there so they could check us out. That was our big mistake."

Twelve seconds later, you hear Saira Shah again shout "British journalists!" A moment later another lone shot rings out and the torch falls to the ground. James died on the spot, killed by a bullet that struck him in the throat in the small vulnerable spot just above the flak jacket's neck protection.

I am sorry to say that no one but James is responsible for his own death. As an experienced war reporter (Yugoslavia, Chechnya & Afghanistan), he should have known that at night any AFV is almost blind. Any crew is that situation is going to be incredibly nervous about RPG teams. The claims that they should have heard the shouts are incorrect. Whilst the APC in question wasn�t running its engine, it hatches would have been shut down. The air conditioning would have been running & anyone who has sat in such a vehicle will know that you cannot hear anything of what is going on outside. Clearly the team were under observation through probably both infra-red & image intensifying night vision devices. Again, anyone who has ever used this sort of equipment will know how imperfect it is � even the latest military issue kit does not work as well as the Hollywood issue kit. What the team did was utter folly.

His alleged killer, named yesterday as Lieutenant Haib, is still in the army and has not been prosecuted or disciplined since the shooting. The Israeli Judge Advocate General recommended that he be disciplined but his commanding officer, Brigadier General Guy Tzur, overturned the decision.

However, time & time again, when journalists put themselves in the dangerous situations & get killed, they blame everyone but themselves. No one can wander around places as dangerous as the Gaza Strip with impunity, especially at night. As deeply regrettable as this death is, journalists need to be more careful.

Sadly, James leaves a wife & young family.

You can read more about this here

& this weeks NATO Stock Numbers is �

wait for it ����������. 6625-99-617-9491 (cue unbridled cheering & applause)

Now for those of you that have never had the pleasure of MoD forms, NATO Stock Numbers or NSN are defined by the ARRSE wiki as

A string of digits that identifies an item uniquely in the stores system. The book that lists such things is guarded carefully by Blanket Stackers, because knowledge is power. Allegedly there's an NSN for "Challenger 2", but I suspect the Bde Log team would have a word or probably two (very short ones, second word "off") to say about any attempt to order one up because you fancied a cabbie. Your chances of ordering up the magic numbers for "unbreakable thermos flask" (for your brew) and "Mount No.11 GPMG" (to make your Land Rover look warry) thus vary from slim to none.

Basically every single one of items that NATO use, from your boots (combat high) to cluster bomb casing (large) has a stock number & I have seen estimates that there are between five to ten million individual NSNs (I feel sure that I will get corrected on those numbers). Thus this morning it is your humble correspondent�s privilege to be able to feature 6625-99-617-9491 which is this classic piece of �issue� �

the much revered API1620 / API1718 Angle Position Indicators.

Aside from ironing your shirts & wanting to help old people, the API1620 & API1718 are

angle position indicators for displaying in visual digital form the shaft angle represented by synchro, resolver, and magslip signals. In addition to displaying the angle in visual form the APIs also convert the input angular signals into natural binary or BCD angular data at TTL levels for use externally

which is abso-bl**dy-lutely fantastic. For completeness�s sake & because I know that many of you will be unable to rest easy until I clarify this,

the two models differ in so far as the API1620 displays the angle in degrees and fractions and offers a display check function, while the API1718 displays in degrees and minutes and offers a display latch function.

Better still

a facility is provided for the connection of two sets of input signals which may be alternately switched into the converter. The two sets of inputs to the APIs can be different e.g. a 60Hz synchro on one input together with a 400Hz resolver on the other. The facility of switching from one set of inputs to the other enables the angular position of separate devices to be directly compared.

Rumour control has it that there are upgraded models coming out shortly that will hotsync with your iPod, while putting the kettle on, which is nice. Now, if any of you have a favourite NSN that you would like to see featured here, please send it in together with a pic of the item. You never know, there might even be a TV series in this!

Staff officers speak (updated)

This fine round up is from Irish Pennants. Favs include ...

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings

"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference

Please pass a brew (NATO standard) & a packet of biscuits AB to Bird Dog for finding this little gem

Update: The original can be found on Stratagy Pages. A large pink gin to Capt J for the link

Farewell The Black Watch

� & hello Blah�s 3rd (Equal Opportunity Non Sexist Peacekeepers) Battalion � Nelson Mandela�s Own

�SAY something, laddie, even if it�s only �Goodbye�!� screamed the purple sergeant-major in a Black Watch kilt. The officer cadet was dithering to time his command of �Abooowt TURN� as the left feet of the squad hit the tarmac. His squad was marching rapidly towards noyade in the Tweed. On Tuesday we say goodbye to 281 years of history, as the Black Watch is subsumed with the other Highland and Lowland regiments into the new Royal Regiment of Scotland, which will comprise just five Scottish infantry battalions. Major- General Euan Loudon, GOC 2 Division, whose area of command will then stretch down into the middle of England, will present his new battalions with their cap badges and glengarries. And the Black Watch, Royal Highland Regiment (�the Ladies from Hell�) will hold its final clan gathering in Perth before it loses its red hackle and becomes plain 3 Scots.

It is impossible to exaggerate the pain and rage that this is causing to the old and bold of the Watch. A regiment is an extended family. Its warrior spirit and discipline have sustained the family in victory and defeat, in peace and war, in barracks or in camp, in billets or in bivouac, from Ticonderoga to Basra, since it was formed to police the Highlands after the Jacobite rebellion of 1715. Black for the tartan, Am Freiceadan Dubh, to distinguish them from the redcoats.

More here

No more will proper punch ups be announced by �who broke the square?� B*stards � the whole lot of �em: Government b*stards, MoD b*stards. We have forgotten everything. The reason that people do things like this �.

Colour Sergeant Matthew Tomlinson receives the Conspicuous Gallantry Cross. Colour Sergeant Tomlinson was commanding a US Marine Corps assault force on the Euphrates River near Fallujah in November 2004 when they came under fire from a numerically superior and well-defended enemy position.

"On the river there's really nowhere to hide, so I took the decision to move towards the enemy."

� is because of our wonderful & anachronistic regimental system with all of the traditions that it embodies. All of the current tinkering can only be damaging at a time when our services at fighting longer, harder & in more far off places then they have for many many years

A full magazine beats a heart full of prayer & a head full of bad ideas

So Normski got himself sprung & even someone as bitter, twisted & deeply cynical as your humble correspondent is glad about that. No one with even the faintest whiff of compassion wants to see someone of pensionable age get their swede lopped off � unless the pensioner in question is a former socialist politician, in which case there is an overwhelming & justifiable moral argument for making like a lumberjack on acid. However, before we break of the bunting, Watney�s Red Barrel & join in a few rousing choruses of Rule Britannia to celebrate the release of Norman Kember & his two Canadians colleagues, it is worth recalling a little bit of the background to this particular hostage drama.

Kember is vehemently opposed to the liberation of Iraq & attended numerous anti-war rallies

Swept up on a wave of self-righteousness he turns up in Iraq with Christian Peacemaker Teams as a

gesture of solidarity (eh?) hoping to meet ordinary Iraqis of various backgrounds, Shi�ites, Sunnis, Christians & just hear their stories, then come back & talk about it.

Now, if this all sounds more worthy that the combined membership of our local bowels club, what that means in plain English & by the CPT�s own admission is that it

initiated a long-term presence in Iraq in October 2002, six months before the beginning of the U.S. led invasion in March of 2003. The primary focus of the team for eighteen months following the invasion was documenting & focusing attention on the issue of detainee abuses and basic legal and human rights being denied them [by Coalition Forces & the Iraqi Government]. Issues related to detainees remain but the current focus of the team has expanded to include efforts to end occupation & militarization of the country & to foster nonviolent & just alternatives for a free & independent Iraq.

So, the yoghurt slurping bleeding hearts from CPT is to monitor human rights abuses by Coalition Forces. Rather ironic then that they end up getting kidnapped by a bunch of Kalashnikov touting Jihadistas in the shape of the somewhat unimaginatively named Swords of Righteousness Brigade

A wise man knows that if you have to visit these fly blown terrorist infested places, it is best done in the company of reassuringly large & violent Royal Marines who have ready access to lots of useful stuff such machine guns, white phosphorus grenades, dirty great rocket launchers & on call close air support. Not so with the Kember & his colleagues. Cloaked with the customary arrogance of the peacenik liberal left, they thought that their misplaced idealism would protect them from the bands of cut throat gun men that the Religion of Peace seems to produce so effortlessly. Funnily enough recent research shows that kidnap gangs don�t see the moral high ground as much of a deterrent, which clearly comes as a surprise to some people.

So forget if you will the hand wringing from the likes of Jack �man of� Straw � Team Kember were there completely of their own volition: to stir up trouble with the locals. Ironic, that it takes the combined efforts of the SAS & Delta Force to dig these people out of a big pile of smelly poo completely of their own making. Suddenly, it is down to the same human rights violating Coalition Forces to sort the situation out � a point that was almost certainly not lost on the servicemen that took part in the rescue operation.

From Kember, James Loney & Harmeet Singh Sooden, their friends & families, not a single word of thanks to the men whose professionalism, skill & bravery saved the day. However, CPT was a little more forthcoming on this particular point. According to its Co-chairman Doug Pritchard at a news conference in Toronto

We believe the illegal occupation of Iraq by multinational forces is the root cause of the insecurity which led to this kidnapping and so much pain and suffering in Iraq today. The occupation must end

It would be completely understandable if John from Hereford* having mouseholed his way into the kidnap cell had checked that Kember & the other were OK that they were happy to be there & then just shoved off, leaving the hostages to the bondage paradise that these captives seemed to relishing. I suppose if you are into that sort of thing, being incarcerated & handcuffed by a bunch of throat cutting terrorists for over a hundred days is a lot cheaper than asking Mistress Stiletto to provide a similar service at her S&M dungeon.

Comments that I made not so long ago about that other peacenik nanger, Kate Burton (who got herself & her parents kidnapped in Gaza) are just as applicable here.

I have cause to ponder as to how exactly getting kidnapped & held hostage by a bunch of terrorists constitutes showing them the positive side of anything other than your own inability to comprehend reality & the true ballistic effect of a bullet in the back of the head. However upon quiet & sober reflection it maybe better that these sort of people are best left to the gunmen to remove from the gene pool � we already have a surfeit of stupid misguided people in this country, so going a few light in that department, is no bad thing.

It not as if they will show the slightest gratitude if a bunch of Toms end up having to save them from the big shave. Self righteousness is one thing, causing people to put their lives on the line because of misplaced idealism is quite another. As for not having the good grace to thank your rescuers, that is unforgivable. Next time & mark my words, there will be a next time, let the likes of Kember & the CPTshould be left to sort themselves out � none of them are worth putting the life of a single serviceman at risk for.

There, in two pages of bad prose & I have managed to completely contradict myself. Not bad going for a Friday, but through my jaundiced eyes, the world seems a pretty absurd place, made more so by the likes of Christian Peacemaker Teams. Now, if you will excuse me I am off to wax my owl for the rest of the morning.

*From the analysis of personnel files obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, in every SAS eight man team, six will be known as John, one as Lofty & one as �Frenchie� � following an unfortunate incident with the Regimental Mascot of the Royal Welsh in the Sarah Siddons pub, while on Junior Beacon.

Sunday lunch & a lot lot more

I have to confess that I am rather looking forward to this weeks Sunday lunch with the outlaws. Firstly, the Wicked Witch of the West is an excellent cook & never once has she under catered. Secondly, your humble correspondent will take the opportunity to slip in a few lunchtime gins with the Old Salthorse & canvas his views on this

Gay sailors will be allowed to march in uniform at a gay and lesbian festival in the summer, a leading Royal Navy officer said yesterday. Vice-Admiral Adrian Johns, the Second Sea Lord and Commander-in-Chief Naval Home Command, said that he was heartened that a significant number of gay and lesbian navy personnel wanted to march in uniform in the main parade at the EuroPride festival in London.

He said that he had directed his diversity team to work out how an �overt Service presence� could participate in the parade. The decision was given full support yesterday by Admiral Sir Jonathon Band, the newly appointed First Sea Lord and Chief of Naval Staff, who told journalists on board a Type 23 frigate, HMS Somerset, anchored in the Thames: �I don�t mind what people�s sexual orientation is, provided it doesn�t affect a ship�s operational efficiency.�

Clearly, now we know why Bobby Shafto went to sea

The bearskin debate rages on

& continuing todays unintentional military theme - from todays edition of The Times

It is Winnie the Pooh�s fault. The cult of sentimentality inspired by the bear of little brain is a threat to an important military tradition: the bearskin, as worn by the Brigade of Guards. A Labour MP, Chris Mullin, is leading a campaign to force the Guards to use artificial fabric.

He claims that the bearskin has no military value. That is nonsense. Anyone who talks to senior officers will rapidly become aware of a recurring preoccupation: how to ensure that men stand and fight. History is full of examples of small units fighting well above their weight, whose heroism turned battles. Our generals want to ensure that British troops always fight like that, not like the French in 1940. That is why our Army gives so much thought to training, discipline, morale and esprit de corps.

Colonel D. G. C. Sutherland, CBE, MC and Bar

As we toil under the cult of celebrity & there is little that your humble correspondent finds more irksome that having soccer players (a bunch of foul mouthed primping prima donnas with hair dos & handbags) described as heroes. This is what a hero looks like � from today�s obits & a time when blighty still had a rich seam of stout bulldogs -

Lieutenant David Sutherland and Royal Marine John Duggan were the only two to return from Operation �Anglo�, a raid on the Italian-occupied island of Rhodes by the Special Boat Service in September 1942. The SBS team was pursued relentlessly; it had attacked two airfields and destroyed aircraft positioned to support Rommel�s threatened advance on Cairo and to bomb supply convoys to beleaguered Malta.

The team of eight, plus two Greek guides and two interpreters, sailed from Beirut in the Greek submarine Papanikolis on August 31 to a beach near Cape Feralco, on the east coast of Rhodes, from where the two target airfields of Calatos and Maritsa lay eight and fifteen miles (24km) distant. The party landed without difficulty using a folding boat and three inflatable floats, which they concealed in caves after obliterating their foot prints in the sand. Beyond an assessment that the Italian garrison was about 30,000 strong, there was no intelligence on the local situation. The mission had to be accomplished by the night of September 17/18, when a submarine would call to pick up the team � or the survivors. They had no radio link to their base or to the Navy.

In 1946 he married Jean Henderson, his partner at the Sandhurst passing-out ball in 1939. She died of cancer in 1963 and he married the author and historian, Christine Hotchkiss, in 1964. He is survived by his second wife and a son and two daughters of his first marriage.

Military Plans

Every branch of the armed services reacts differently a set of given circumstances. At last, extensive research now shows what these rections are.....

IMMEDIATE ACTIONS ON ENCOUNTERING A PLAN

Infantry
Can't read plan, but takes it very seriously nevertheless. Fablons plan, and issues it on orange card to every man, with Sgts carrying spare plans just in case. Mortar platoon make their own plan, which is heavier, and issue 2 to everyone else in Battalion.

Para Regt
Plans are for Hats. Deploys first on any operation that appears while everyone else is still writing plans. Jumps, lands in wrong place, taking 50% casualties in ankle injuries. Realise they have left ammo behind, in Colchester.

Cavalry
Looks at plan but sees arrows, and realises that plan involves degree of navigation that could be considered constraining to manoeuvre. Opts to drive off at speed until tracks shed, and then have impromptu Pimms party. Ad hoc plan ruined by lack of Pimms fitters. Applies to join AAC as Apache pilot.

RM Commandos
Pretend to be very laid back about plan, and talks about drinking, being naked and drinking while naked instead. Secretly gets very competitive about plan, using senior Navy men to say plan can only work with Commandos because it requires poise, reach and copious wets.

Combat Engineers
Likes plans. Takes plan, and adds whole new bits, with diagrams which nobody else understands or cares about. Still adding new bits when plan changes at which point previous work becomes irrelevant. Has a huff and blames Chieftain chassis for not allowing Engrs to keep up with pace of everyone else's thinking.

Artillery
Also likes plans. Makes very detailed plans with numbers, timings and smoke. Talks a lot about HE, smoke and Last Safe Moments. Everyone recognises last safe moment was passed as soon as Gunners allowed anywhere near plan. Despite plan, all guns keep firing until ammo runs out. Commanders lucky enough not to have Artillery support feel safe
enough to get on with battle and win. Remainder hide under map table until firing ceases, then call for ambulances. After firing, Gunner officers check all guns are still pointing roughly in direction of enemy. Random shots rearwards are put down as encouragement to Logs chain to bring up more ammo.

Special Forces
Writes plan in pencil on back of Max Factor 'Make-up For Boys' compact. Checks for tan lines, and makes sure nobody else has a clue what plan is. Ensures plan is different from the one everyone else is working to and checks that it will make suitable story for follow-on novel on exit from Service. Places tape over eyes, can't see plan anymore, and gets captured by local civilians.

REME
Happy to see plan, but disturbed by lack of attention to detail to Health and Safety issues. Places yellow warning sign in front of plan (which everyone trips over) and issues COSHH instructions on actions if you get plan in your eye.

Royal Logistics Corps
On encountering plan, immediately looks for Annex on sustainability. If one is present, immediately guffaws at lack of detail and doubles all timelines. If not present, stays silent to avoid having to write one. Declares plan dependent on 'key enablers' (posties, chefs, clerks, small round blokes with clipboards) and demands doubling of logistic staff to carry out plan. Goes off for 2-hr lunch.

Royal Signals
Uses plan to bolster rather poor profile by incorporating term J6 everywhere. J6 becomes hugely important without anyone knowing why. J6 reps with J6 plan appear everywhere but stay strangely silent during any meaningful discussion. If questioned, J6 rep sucks teeth and says "Bandwidth" before sinking back into silence. Non-J6 types begin to wonder whether weedkiller can halt J6 spread but J6 mutates into J6/DBM and grows faster. Plan stays silent and prevents close scrutiny by exuding streams of 1s and 0s to deter investigation.

Army Medical Services
Doesn't like plans because they always involve cuts. Gets confused because cuts mean more business. Has crisis of contradiction and has to get TA doctors in from NHS to sort problem out.

Intelligence Corps
Looks closely at plan, and assesses it's relevance to resurgent Russia coupled with Syrian rearmament. While studying, allied forces take Baghdad. Devote time studying old War Office files from the British invasion of Iraq during WWII and tries predict when next invasion of Iraq will be required. Meanwhile, a North Korean ship crawls slowly up the Thames.....

Territorial Army
TA declare parlous state of Regular Army means they are more important to plan than ever. Army agrees, cuts them by 30%, spends money on operational welfare package telephones and cannibalises their kit to get ready for operations.

Royal Air Force
Copies plan onto leg, gets in aircraft, takes off then finds leg can't be seen because of joystick. Decides to use initiative and at 20000ft, starts looking for enemy tanks. Succeeds in finding tank looking remarkably like an Embassy and misses it. Relieved as pilot in following aircraft, who CAN see leg, gets Embassy while aiming for nearby Air Defence site. Both fly back and complain about noisy air con in hotel room.

Royal Navy
Only Captain grown-up enough to know plan. Everyone else sits at brightly coloured screen pretending to know what plan is. Captain goes to bed and First Officer, not knowing plan is "Not to sail on to rocks", sails on to rocks. New plan devised called 'How to sell ship with no bottom to Third World navy'.

Joint Helicopter Command
Draw up plan to get 360 helos into air with 400 flying hours. Each time plan close to approval, another helo crashes. Come up with plan to prevent helos crashing but plan and author tragically lost in helo crash.

Defence Logistics Organisation
Looks at potential for plan to offer 3% efficiency measures. Finds none, but cuts by 3% anyway. Concludes that most sensible plan involves not buying anything, listing this course of action as 'bearing risk' and then investing in Risk Management Courses. War declared, and funds rapidly diverted into courses on Red Face Management.

Whitehall Warrior
Only interested in plan if it is 'strategic'. Declares strategic plan is most important but can't be bothered to get off arse and write one. Everyone else starts to plan while waiting and by time strategic plan eventually gets written, everyone has decided what they are going to do already. Whitehall Warrior then stresses need for strategic plan in next DOC audit and goes for coffee in Starbucks.

Prince Harry is expected to serve in a battle zone

�There�s no way I�m going to put myself through Sandhurst and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country�

Looks like Officer Cadet Wales has his grandfathers habit of straight talking. Good on yer

So the truth starts to emerge

Do you remember �. a couple of days ago those beastly Americans were dropping bombs on innocent women & children in Pakistan � well, at least that is how the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation reported it. A few days on, it looks like one or two more details are starting to emerge...

Some of the most wanted al-Qa'eda figures may have been killed in last week's American air strike near Pakistan's border with Afghanistan, Pakistani security officials have said. An al-Qa'eda explosives and chemicals weapons expert and the son-in-law of Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden's deputy, were said to be among those killed on January 13. The Pakistani government has refused to confirm the identities of the dead, but intelligence officials said that at least four foreign militants were killed in the attack on Damadola village.

Funnily enough, at the time of posting, I could find nothing about this on the BBC's website. Just remember this sort of quality news service can only be brought to you because of the unique way the BBC is funded.

Marines have feelings?

No comment is required from me about this one ...

While interviewing an anonymous Marine scout sniper on his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked him what he felt when shooting members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

The Marine shrugged & replied, "Recoil."

Via the Smallest Minority

Fighting men?

Newly-published footage shows members of the Royal Marines engaging in horseplay after returning from a tour of duty in Iraq. Stills from a secretly-shot video, which show naked soldiers being pelted with eggs and wrestling in mud, are published in The Sun.

The newspaper said the footage shows an initiation ceremony for new recruits to 40 commando at their base in Taunton, Somerset. The video apparently shows 16 rookies being forced to run around to the point of exhaustion while drinking cups of cider and eating cereal covered in dirt.

But the MoD said the footage is not thought to come from any kind of initiation ceremony but was filmed at a party of junior ranks after they had returned from Iraq.

Well from my expirence, the first thing that booties do when they have been drinking is to get naked followed shortly afterwards by the usual punch up. It is what marines do - it is in their nature. Interestingly, to date, no specific allegations have been made against anyone present. Not to worry, the media led witch hunt will continue.

In the meantime, the Army Rumour Service has already come up with this ....

I would think that quite a few will be sold to the Commando Brigade this Christmas

& where exactly is the news in this?

The Pentagon has confirmed that US troops used white phosphorus during last year's offensive in the northern Iraqi city of Falluja. "It was used as an incendiary weapon against enemy combatants," spokesman Lt Col Barry Venable told the BBC.

Of course, comments like this wont stop the finger pointing & salacious accusations from the al-Baghdad Broadcasting Corporation. Please correct me if I am wrong here but if my memory serves me correctly, your humble correspondent recalls whistling up a spot of artillery fire � sometimes using high explosive & oh, sometimes using white phosphorus. Nicknamed in the forces, Willie Peter, it is generally felt by those that have used it to be jolly good stuff � which is why those that have used it know that �Willie Peter makes you a believer� - thus perfect for using on true believers.

& the problem with that is exactly what?

(Footnote - White Phos grenades are even more fun)

Recent events in Southern Iraq

Regular readers will know what a sanctimonious git I can be at times � sorry but I�ll just have to put my hands up to that one. Now I don�t want to have say I told you so � but back in November 2003 in the days when I was but a baby blogger, there was the small matter of a little post on the differing reactions of various regiments to encountering a plan.

The bit on Special Forces (the common or garden Hereford variety or their rarer webbed footed brethren from Poole) went something like this �

�Writes plan in pencil on back of Max Factor 'Make-up For Boys' compact. Checks for tan lines, and makes sure nobody else has a clue what plan is. Ensures plan is different from the one everyone else is working to and checks that it will make suitable story for follow-on novel on exit from Service. Places tape over eyes, can't see plan anymore, and gets captured by local civilians.�

See, I told you so!

Rat packs

HM Government in an act of munificence is sending half a million ration packs to Louisiana over the next few days � ummmmm! Not quite your traditional New Orleans fayre but no doubt it will do. However I can almost hear the phone-in radio shows now � Jean Louis calling in to complain about goddamn limey loo paper which for those of you that have never had the errrr pleasure of ration pack bog roll is of the traditional John Wayne varitety.

The ration packs, which are being provided by the Defence Logistics Organisation - the MOD's supply and logistics arm - are standard issue for British Armed Forces on operations. They contain sufficient food to last one person 24 hours. They include a "boil in the bag" breakfast & main meal as well as dessert, savoury snacks, biscuits, coffee, tea & tissues. The pack also contains a mini-stove & matches to heat up meals & drinks.

Oh my hat � & they are going to let civvies loose on �hexi� stoves? We are now only a few weeks away from a tsunami of damages claims for burns & more claims from those with a slightly less discerning plate that mistook the fuel blocks for Kendal Mint Cake (yes it happened).

Of course, since the days when the likes of your humble correspondent stood toe to toe with international communism, a lot has changed . We carried the manly SLR while sporting boots DMS, puttees & shirts KF, thinking that we were at the cutting edge of infantry fighting technology. However nothing lasts forever, even when it comes to the likes of rations GS.

Those of us that minced around in the venerable 432 liked nothing better after a hard day in the field, thwarting the nefarious plans of �Orange forces� (again) , than tucking into a tin of steak & kidney pudding. Properly cooked, the suet crust had an almost skin like colour & underneath chunks of meat & thick gravy. It is not for nothing that this particular military delicacy was known by all & sundry as babies heads!
However, taking a swifty that the current menu options I see that the Ministry of Defence stooped as low has issuing vegetarian rations. In fact �

Both standard and vegetarian packs are being sent to the US.

Well in the normal course of events, that would strike the fear of God into the very souls of the enemy �. knowing that they are about to be assaulted by the Nut Cutlet Fusiliers (Princess Royals Own). Needless to say the absurdity doesn�t stop there. There is also a Hallal menu which certainly came as a little bit of a surprise, Personally, I have to confess that outside the Brigade of Ghurkhas, I didn�t think that we had colonial regiments anymore. Ho hum.

You just can�t get Forward Air Controllers like you used to

Just look at this pair, will you?

Scruffy hats, bad tailoring, one of those new fangled laser target designator thingies� oh, & by the way lads, all set off by being so nicely skylined.

Compare them with this chap�

Now that is what I call a proper attire for the field � a well cut uniform & smartly oiled hair. Just one glimpse of that rakish cravat would have any Hun trembling in his jackboots. (Sighs) Standards have slipped soooooo far.

& more on the USAF

If you recall yesterdays little story about the USAF ... here is The Englishman's ever erudite view of this topic & General Jones in particular

If Her Majesty The Queen is prepared to ride through London in an open top car what the f*ck were you thinking of ordering the Yanks to be cowards?

Mulling this all over last night, frankly my dear, I couldn�t give a monkeys � but but but, I just wonder what US Marines, currently fighting in Fallooooojar, will be thinking when they read the story? There might well be some interesting inter-service conversations going on Stateside, well those boys get home! Ho hum.

... or as we say on this side of the pond;
"March Army, fly Navy, eat crab"

Where angels fear to tread? Updated

Hunting around on my favourite blogs yesterday, the majority of which are from the left hand side of the pond, I was overwhelmed with messages of support & little Union flags gracing my screen wherever I looked. Sadly however, it seems that the USAF doesn�t feel quite the same sense of solidarity with the British public as according to a �battle staff directive� issued on Friday, American servicemen based in the UK have been banned from visiting London because of the continuing terrorist threat.

Cindy Dorfner, a spokeswoman at RAF Mildenhall, said: �The order was made in a battle staff directive from our wing commander. Military members are not allowed to go to London until further notice. They are not being allowed to go anywhere inside the M25.�

Captain Jason McCree, a spokesman at RAF Lakenheath, said: �We are taking prudent measures to ensure the security and safety of our airmen, civilians, their families and our resources.� Captain McCree said that military personnel were still being allowed to drive around the M25 to reach Heathrow or Gatwick.

Well, bless their little cotton socks � if London is too dangerous for the fly fly boys, shudder the thought that they might be ordered to undertake operations where people might shoot back.

What ever you do, please no one tell the powers that be that something like 3,500 people a year die on our roads � or if you like, 10 a day. I fear that if the powers that be round at the USAF get to hear of this, their personnel will be confined to base, permanently.

Update - it seems that the powers that be have had a change of heart! I cant think why ! ! ? !

of fear

I am currently about a quarter of the way through George MacDonald Fraser�s Quartered Safe Out Here in which he relates his experiences during the later stages of the 14th Army�s campaign in Burma. The following passage struck me as having a particular resonance today:

"If the knowledge that they were surrounded & outnumbered by the most cruel & valiant foe on earth worried them, it didn�t show, ever.Times have changed now, & it is common to hear front-line troops, subjected to the disgusting inquisition of war reporters, confess to being scared. Of course they are scared; everybody is scared. But it was not customary to confess it, then, or even hint at it. It was simply not done, partly out of pride, but far more from the certainty that nothing could be better calculated to sap confidence, in one�s self, in one�s comrades, & among those at home. If I�d heard Corporal Little voice the kind of anxiety that television so loves to ferret out & harp on about nowadays, I�d have wondered if he was the man for the job - & felt even more nervous myself. I was a worried man in Burma, but I hope it didn�t show. Nothing put more heart into me, young and unsure as I was � most of all, fearful of being seen to be fearful -than the fact that, being a Scot, it was half expected of me that I would be a wild man, a head case. This age-old belief among the English, that their northern neighbours are desperate fellows, hangs on, & whether its true or not its one hell of an encouragement when you are nineteen & wondering how you�ll be when the whistle blows & you take a deep breath & push your safety catch forward"

Lions led by pansies?

They may have served the Crown fearlessly, but it seems in yet other fit of Ministry of Defence inspired political namby pamby utter poncy correctness, the most potent symbol of the Brigade of Guards is under threat. The Foot Guards have sported bearskins since they doled out a proper bulldog kicking to Napoleon�s Imperial Guard at Waterloo � relieving the fallen & captured froggies of their head dress. But now, in a fit of Nu Labour save the potted shrimp animals have more rights than our fighting men � the bearskin might be replaced by a man made alternative.

Apparently, the Services textiles agency (oh my god � we have one of those as well?) is currently testing the alternatives when they might find their time better employed producing better issue underwear � as any one who has ever sported said item of kit will know, they are not known as �meat grinders� for nothing. Clearly the Chief of the Defence Staff thinks that time & resources are better spent on pseudo-bearskins than say � getting our radios to work.

According to tofu munching PondlifETA co-ordinator, Andrew Butler (doesn�t tofu have rights as well?),

�It is outrageous that bears continue to be killed in Canada for a ceremonial hat in Britain.�

Ah, the usual logic of the animal rights movement that completely ignores the fact that as a spokesman for the Household Division, pointed out,

�Twenty thousand black bears have to be culled in North America each year, from which we buy fewer than 100 pelts a year for the Guards� bearskin caps.�

But as any half sane, half sober person knows, the bunny huggers have absolutely no regard for either the truth or common sense. As for PETA�s threat to send a member dressed as a bear to stalk the Queen during her ten-day tour of Canada � maybe they might just want to consider this; Phil the Greek, notwithstanding his presidency of the World Wildlife Fund, is a keen & accomplished game shot � now that would make good viewing on prime time � the Duke of Edinburgh taking a �cull� bear !

What is even more concerning however, is that the MoD feels the need to pander to these extremists - fighting extremists on the streets of Iraq is OK, but its unconditional surrender at home! And Grandfather FM fought & killed Huns in the mud of Ypres, armed only with a tin of bully beef, for this???

Military Maths

The Englishman is pondering military maths today & no, he�s not discussing Field Punishment No.1. Whilst comparing the relative fighting merits of individual soldiers is subjective to say the least (or do I mean objective � I�m sooooo confused) I am minded to recall Biggles thoughts on this topic,

�An Englishman is worth 2 Huns, 3 Frenchies & a dozen darkies�.

No doubt these days, the Commission for Racial Equality & the Thought Police would be giving Capt. W.E. Johns the �6 a.m. knock�!

Low cost? Not blooming likely!

Many many people are confused by militaryspeak � all of those TLAs (three letter abbreviations). Conversely, the military often has no sense of humour & equally does not understand the concept of an oxymoron.

Take for example, the proposed LCLC (ok, I know that�s four letters) �

British troops could get a range of futuristic new armaments, able to loiter over a battlefield for hours before identifying and then destroying their targets, under a research programme that has been launched by the MOD.

The MoD Research Acquistion Organisation (RAO, Shrivenham) and industry are investigating the innovative concept of a 'Low Cost Loitering Carrier' (LCLC) that could give land and maritime units the ability to hit targets with pinpoint accuracy at ranges of hundreds of miles.

I would be grateful if some one out there could give me one example of a major project the Defence Procurement Agency has ever delivered at a low cost?

Prediction 1 � it will never work
Prediction 2 � it will run many times over budget

Bye bye taxpayers money!

Defence Procurement Minister Lord Bach has approved a major milestone in the programme with the selection of SD (UK) Ltd to carry out a concept demonstration of both the technology and techniques to bring a real product into existence. The aim is to assess if the LCLC is a cost effective solution to a number of military questions. Lord Bach said:

The objective of this research programme is to develop the loitering carrier concept and to de-risk and demonstrate the technologies associated with the carrier vehicle. The programme is also acting as a pilot study to evaluate innovative ways of acquiring military capability at low cost, including the integration of commercial off the shelf components.

It will never work ...

Last night descended with its usual sickening inevitability into a beer frenzy. For once, your humble correspondent wasn�t the first person present to morph into King Beer. Oh no: you see I was in the company of two chums that maybe don�t have the worst jobs in the world � possibly not even in the UK, but definitely in the Army. Coming back off patrol in Iraq with no ammo left in the turret of your Warrior because of the number of contacts pales into insignificance when compared to these chaps mission.

Yes that�s right � for their sins & they must be more numerous than my yellow cardings for intemperate behaviour to deserve their lot, they are involved in the procurement of Bowman � but not just its procurement � it gets better � its roll out as well. Cue tears of laughter from everyone in the UK that does not pay taxes because its costing us �1.9bn � & it doesn�t work. So, we raised our glasses to the Defence Procurement Agency for once more buying something that is late, over budget & this is the best bit � doesn�t work.

According to Brigadier Jamie Balfour who held a recent briefing at the School of Infantry, Warminster,

"All the rumours you've heard, it is as bad as you've heard. But we have been told that, politically, we have got to make it work. Now you guys will have to go out and find a way of making it work."

Apparently the Brig (who is clearly not �going further�) advised the assembled to,
"Hang on to your cellphones."

So its true, the Army�s latest acronym is that Bowman actually stands for �Better Off With Map & Nokia�.

Big boys games ... big boys rules

Whilst the more liberal of you might opt for an ad-hoc firing squad for this scumbag, my vote is for a Bowie knife & camcorder

Reuters - "A suspected insurgent asks residents for mercy after they caught him planting explosives under civilian vehicles, at a busy area in Baghdad, January 3, 2005. Insurgents killed 17 Iraqi police and National Guards on Monday in another bloody spree of ambushes, bombings and suicide attacks aimed at wrecking Iraq's January 30 national election."

via
Michael Totten
&
Dog Snot Diaries

Fighting in Fallujah

Quoted in Tuesday's Daily Telegraph,

�I got myself a real juicy target. Range 950 metres. I got five in a building with weapons. Dude, give me the sniper rifle. I can take them out � I�m from Alabama�

Sgt James Anyett ... nuff said

Nemo me impune lacessit

�Half a league, half a league
Half a league onward,
Into the Triangle of Death
Rode the errrr 850�

With apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson

One of the more bizarre themes currently running in our leftie bleeding heart media is there coverage of the deployment of The Black Watch Battlegroup to whichever shithole they are being sent. News report after column inch keeps trotting out the same hackneyed story about how dangerous that particular part of Mesopotamia is. No shit, Sherlock! With insight like that, I simply cannot believe that the Chief of the Defence Staff isn�t consulting you on a daily basis.

If I were a cynical sort of chap (which of course I am not) I would extrapolate from this that the stop the war save the gay whales brigade are quite happy for the soldiers from our coalition partners to do the dangerous stuff. It seems that our lads should be involved in nothing more lethal than building a beer can mountain in the NAAFI tent � in between sending their laundry forward & polishing mess tins. How racist is that? � but that sort of irony is lost on those whose objectivity has long been obscured by mock ethnic headdress.

Maybe this will come as news to Fanny Butphuque (social conscience hack for Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation) et al, but the Jocks are more than capable of looking after themselves. As anyone who has ever witnessed a Scottish infantry battalion getting up close & personal, at the point of contact, the boys have a full & proper appreciation of how to generate violence. Lets be frank here, when it comes to Scotland, we are talking about a country that regards hand-to-hand combat as a national pastime � be it on the streets of Blairgowrie, Basra or Baghdad � it makes little or no difference.

Sure as shits brown they are going to take casualties � that�s what happens to soldiers & that�s what makes out politicians recent treatment of our armed forces all the more perverse. However the regiment was raised in 1725 it has fought where & whenever required � gaining an ferocious fighting reputation & a list of battle honours longer than the list of Gorgeous George�s excuses made of behalf of Saddam Hessian.

Soldiers go to dangerous places & do dangerous things. They are not there to facilitate this or assist with that. They are there to kill people & blow things up; The Black Watch are very very good at that. It is what they are trained & paid to do. Interesting that there has been no comment in the UK media that the US Marines they are relieving are off to do an even more dangerous job � then again, the our tattooed fertility symbol toting sandal wearers have scant regard for the lives of our allies' servicemen.

As for the title of this post, for those of you that didn�t pay attention in class, its literal translation is "No one injures (attacks) me with impunity". I need say no more.

�When can their glory fade?�

If you have read today�s entry for �On This Day�, you will know that it is the anniversary of the Charge of the Light Brigade. Rather than start to recount Alfred, Lord Tennyson�s epic poem which I am saving for another post later on, I would like dear readers to remind you of one of Kipling�s lesser known works, �The Last of the Light Brigade� which starts thus �

�There were thirty million English who talked of England's might,
There were twenty broken troopers who lacked a bed for the night.
They had neither food nor money, they had neither service nor trade;
They were only shiftless soldiers, the last of the Light Brigade.�

In this poem, Kipling as usual makes a topical social comment i.e. the inexcusable treatment that the British Government gave the surviving veterans of that battle of Balaklava. Incidentally, there is no evidence that Tennyson 'wrote for them wonderful verses that swept the land like flame'.

But times have changed. Well no, they have not, notwithstanding the fact that Territorial Army soldiers� jobs (while on active service) are supposed to be protected under the Reserve Forces (Safeguard of Employment) Act 1985. 25 soldiers have returned from Iraq to find that they were unemployed � that is how our society treats its fighting men � not a lot different from Kipling�s day.

Anyway, for those of you that are interested, here is the full version of Kipling�s poem �

The Last of the Light Brigade

There were thirty million English who talked of England's might,
There were twenty broken troopers who lacked a bed for the night.
They had neither food nor money, they had neither service nor trade;
They were only shiftless soldiers, the last of the Light Brigade.

They felt that life was fleeting; they knew not that art was long,
That though they were dying of famine, they lived in deathless song.
They asked for a little money to keep the wolf from the door;
And the thirty million English sent twenty pounds and four!

They laid their heads together that were scarred and lined and grey;
Keen were the Russian sabres, but want was keener than they;
And an old Troop-Sergeant muttered, "Let us go to the man who writes
The things on Balaclava the kiddies at school recites."

They went without bands or colours, a regiment ten-file strong,
To look for the Master-singer who had crowned them all in his song;
And, waiting his servant's order, by the garden gate they stayed,
A desolate little cluster, the last of the Light Brigade.

They strove to stand to attention, to straighten the toil-bowed back;
They drilled on an empty stomach, the loose-knit files fell slack;
With stooping of weary shoulders, in garments tattered and frayed,
They shambled into his presence, the last of the Light Brigade.

The old Troop-Sergeant was spokesman, and "Beggin' your pardon," he said,
"You wrote o' the Light Brigade, sir. Here's all that isn't dead.
An' it's all come true what you wrote, sir, regardin' the mouth of hell;
For we're all of us nigh to the workhouse, an, we thought we'd call an' tell.

"No, thank you, we don't want food, sir; but couldn't you take an' write
A sort of 'to be continued' and 'see next page' o' the fight?
We think that someone has blundered, an' couldn't you tell 'em how?
You wrote we were heroes once, sir. Please, write we are starving now."

The poor little army departed, limping and lean and forlorn.
And the heart of the Master-singer grew hot with "the scorn of scorn."
And he wrote for them wonderful verses that swept the land like flame,
Till the fatted souls of the English were scourged with the thing called Shame.

O thirty million English that babble of England's might,
Behold there are twenty heroes who lack their food to-night;
Our children's children are lisping to "honour the charge they made-"
And we leave to the streets and the workhouse the charge of the Light Brigade!

Rudyard Kipling

Pricing Mechanisms in Iraq

The War on Terror, the War in Iraq; its all pretty much the same thing & we are going to win. We are going to win because our soldiers are better than their terrorists � we have better training & better equipment as well as the fact that we can produce more ammunition more quickly than they can breed new martyrs. We will win because as opposed to wanting to die for some religion based in the middle ages, we want to live for tomorrow. We will overcome them because personal freedom & free markets are a more persuasive individual driver than repressive religious hegemony.

But now, what is this I see, Coalition forces have deployed the most feared & successful weapon in the West�s arsenal � money! At last, we are using our brains. Lets face it, if Ibrahiim Insurgent has half a bar of hard currency sitting in the Fallujah branch of HSBC, the whole concept of suicide bombing starts to � err � well look a little less attractive� �Sorry Yuusuf my brother, I skipped the martyr�s glorious death & handed over the naughty stuff. Instead of having to go to paradise to get my virgins, I bought them on line from Brides-of-Siberia.com.�

The jury is still out as to whether this policy will work. However, it has one hidden benefit, the evening news in Iraq just got way way more assuming. Just imagine this; the anchorman has done the domestic & foreign items. Before doing the Tommy the Tap Dancing Tortoise from Tikrit story, he goes over to the financial desk for a round up of closing prices �

�On soft trading due to a bank holiday in Syria, AK-47s fell back 3% wiping out the last two weeks gains.�

Even better, we could open secondary market trading financial instruments allowing armed militia to hedge their exposure to price fluctuations due to counter terrorist operations seizing existing ammunition reserves

�RPG grenade futures contracts for December delivery are up 50 points after successful US air strikes in Habibiyah.�

But lets not just stop here, what about a loyalty card programme; hand in 5 landmines in any 3 month period & receive a free weeks holiday in the fly blown desert shithole of your choice. The list is endless, sod the BBC, let�s beam QVC onto their satellite receivers.

Unfortunately, you can already envisage the protests from cry baby whiny-butt lefties bleating that we are destroying traditional cultures as the Marsh Arabs fit air conditioning to their mud huts have knocked in a few dozen dodgy Katyusha rocket motors. But how much fun would it be to run an exchange programme like this �

�Khadiija giving you a bucket full of grief about getting sand in her eyes when you take her out in that rusty old BTR-50 of yours? Trade it today for this seasons new Mercedes.

Forget your RPK, when it comes to BMWs, ours are loaded & just remember, we pay top dollar on all late model T-62s�

Oh the japes we could have!

Milblogs

An excellent piece in The Times this morning on milblogs. If your man didn�t bring you freshly ironed copies on the Daily Telegraph & The Times as you tucked into your kippers this morning, you can read it here.

VJ Day

As we already all know, in Toni �a pox upon him� Blair�s Nu Britain, nothing is sacred. Whilst �Bomber� is all too ready to commit our woefully under funded & under manned armed forces to his latest escapade � neither he or Defence Minister �Buff� Hoon seem to have the slightest interest in honouring those that have fought for our way of life in the past. Maybe this has something to do with the manner & rate that our perfidious government is currently trying to erode those hard won freedoms.

Anyway, a storm in a mess tin has blown up over the government�s proposals to mark the end of World War II next year. The old & bold (gawd bless �em) are once again manning the ramparts & are banging out the accusations like a belt fed mortar.

It transpires that rather than mark both Victory in Europe Day & Victory over Japan Day (August 15th), the political class want to split the difference & hold a single event commemorating both events, on July 10. No doubt, these proposals are driven by the fat jock �Tax & Waste� Brown�s desire to fritter the money saved on the rapacious beast of a public sector he has been busy creating � why honour the memory of our fallen &when you can blow the bish-bosh on further wasteful public spending programmes?

Yesterday, a new theatre of operations opened in the pages of the Daily Torygraph with a an advance to contact mounted by Colonel John Kenyon, President of The Burma Star Association, which represents Field Marshall Slim�s 14th �Forgotten� Army.

Smelling not only Japs in the wire (�fix bayonets!�) but rats in Westminster, he calmly levels his Lee Enfield & lets fly with �

"Could it be that the correct date was put to one side because Parliament will be in summer recess on that day, thus interfering with dates booked for sunning the body under tropical skies?"

Ummm � that one has the right line & length on it methinks!

No doubt our television screens will soon be graced by the ever ghastly Patricia Hewitt explaining that the date was chosen so as not to interfere with school holidays, thus making political office more assessable to women seeking to achieve a work / family balance. However lets remind ourselves that Hewitt is even worse than Stalin; she has never done a real days work in her life � even Stalin had a paper round.

Either that or Jack �Man of� Straw will explain that these days we don�t want to go around upsetting the Germans or Japanese because they are major trading partners & two ceremonies might be construed as triumphalist

Anyway, the Old Colonel does not stop there - oh no. Reaching for another belt for his trusty Vickers machine gun, he points out that,

�On July 10, my division was, like many others, engaged in bitter battles with the Japanese Imperial Army in southern Burma where we were suffering casualties, fighting at the height of the monsoon, struggling with water up to waist height.

The guns did not go silent in the Far East until August 15, by which time two further Royal Navy ships had been lost to enemy action in the Burma theatre, & the British Pacific Fleet remained heavily engaged off the enemy coasts."

Attacking the governments decision as "highly insensitive" to the memory of those who died in the month before Japan surrendered, veterans are threatening have now threatened to boycott the VJ Day event if the date is not changed back.

Good on yer Colonel, says I - give the swine in Westminster the full nine yards. I am utterly flabbergasted that we seem to be unable to commemorate both events. If it stops our duplicitous politicians hob nobbing with their corrupt Italian counter parts in Tuscan villas - so much the better.

Rest assured on both dates, at the appointed hour, Family FM will be suited & booted - unlike Toni we haven�t forgotten the sacrifices made on our behalf. In the meantime, where did I put the keys to my Churchill tank �

(For those that are interested, the full text of letter is here)

Download file

Brave Men

"Danger -- if you meet it promptly and without flinching -- you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!"
Sir Winston Churchill

Below are a selection of medal citations announced this morning. These actions speak louder than anything I could ever type. I therefore make no comment, but read on ...

"The Military Cross is awarded to Sergeant Paul Kelly, The Princess of Wales's Royal Regiment, and Sergeant Kajiman Limbu, the Royal Gurkha Rifles. Sergeant Limbu was part of a six-man team that came to the aid of a United States convoy that had been ambushed by anti-coalition forces in Kabul, Afghanistan, during which he braved enemy fire to rescue a US officer who had been wounded and help him to safety.

Sergeant Kelly is decorated for his actions in two separate incidents whilst attached to the 1st Battalion the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders in Iraq. During a routine patrol on 11 February, he and his men came under attack in Maysan province. Under heavy fire, and with little regard for his own safety, Sergeant Kelly seized the initiative and led a rapid and decisive charge towards the attackers' position, subsequently capturing two armed bandits.

On 5 March 2004 Sergeant Kelly's patrol arrived in the village of Qal At Salih to assist another coalition force patrol which was being engaged by machine gun and rocket-propelled grenade fire by local tribesmen. Sergeant Kelly was shot in the hand and one of his Land Rovers destroyed by an RPG, wounding one of his men. Despite being injured and in severe pain, Sergeant Kelly rallied his men and set up a strong point from where they fought a close quarter battle for over two hours. Firing with his good arm, he hit several of the attackers whilst concurrently organising his men into shifts of firing, ammunition re-supply and looking after the casualty.

Two Territorial Army soldiers, from The Rifle Volunteers, are awarded the Queen's Commendation for Bravery for their actions following a vehicle suicide bomb attack on their two vehicle patrol in Kabul, Afghanistan, on 28 January 2004. Sergeant Darren Budden is commended for his "professionalism, composure and leadership that was an inspiration to his fellow soldiers and may well have saved the lives of several of the other casualties". Lance Corporal David Jones, despite himself sustaining terrible injuries, demonstrated "outstanding physical and moral courage" and "showed a devotion to his fellow soldiers and a dedication to duty that was exceptional".

The Traffic Report

We all like to complain about our trip to work, but this, in comparison, makes the morning jam on Chelsea Bridge seem strangely insignificant �

Download file
(500 kb)

Current I am pondering whether this attack was mounted by Iraqi terrorists, or maybe radical elements of the anti-4x4 lobby??

Via Strategy Pages

Sold Down The River

Mrs FM & I watched the evening news last night, seething at the way in which our magnificent armed forces have been sold down the river by:
1. �Bomber� Blair, Geoff �Bully� Hoon & NuLabour
2. The Conservative Party
3. The Chief of the Defence Staff & the Chief of the General Staff.

At this point, I am minded to recount for the Story of Gelert

It was somewhere about 1200, Prince Llewellyn had a castle at Aber; indeed, parts of the towers remain to this day. His consort was the Princess Joan; she was King John's daughter. Her coffin remains with us to this day. Llewellyn was a great hunter of wolves & foxes, for the hills of Carnarvonshire were infested with wolves in those days, after the young lambs.

Now the prince had several hunting-houses�one of them was at the place now called Beth-Gelert, for the wolves were very thick there at this time. Now the prince used to travel from house to house with his family & friends, when going on these hunting parties.

One season they went hunting from Aber & stopped at the house where Beth-Gelert is now�it's about fourteen miles away. The prince had all his hounds with him, but his favourite was Gelert, a hound who had never let off a wolf for six years. The prince loved the dog like a child, and at the sound of his horn Gelert was always the first to come bounding up. There was company at the house, and one day they went hunting, leaving his wife & the child, in a big wooden cradle, behind him at the house.

The hunting party killed three or four wolves & about two hours before the word passed for returning home, Llewellyn missed Gelert & he asked his huntsmen:
�Where's Gelert? I don't see him.�
�Well, indeed, master, I've missed him this half-hour.�
Llewellyn blew his horn, but no Gelert came at the sound.
Indeed, Gelert had got on to a wolves' track which led to the house.

The prince sounded the return, and they went home, the prince lamenting Gelert. �He's sure to have been slain�he's sure to have been slain! since he did not answer the horn. Oh, my Gelert!� They approached the house &the prince went into the house, & saw Gelert lying by the overturned cradle - blood all about the room.

�What! hast thou slain my child?� said the prince & ran his sword through the dog.
After that he lifted up the cradle to look for his child & found the body of a big wolf underneath that Gelert had slain. His child was safe. Gelert had capsized the cradle in the scuffle.

�Oh, Gelert! Oh, Gelert!� said the prince, �my favourite hound, my favourite hound! Thou hast been slain by thy master's hand, and in death thou hast licked thy master's hand!� He patted the dog, but it was too late, and poor Gelert died licking his master's hand.
Next day they made a coffin & had a regular funeral, the same as if it were a human being; all the servants in deep mourning. They made him a grave & the village was called after the dog, Beth-Gelert�Gelert's Grave. The prince planted a tree & put a gravestone of slate, though it was before the days of quarries. They are to be seen to this day.

More in a similar vein from Gun Culture

View To A Kill

Mr du Toit has been running a campaign to raise funds for scopes for US snipers in Iraq. Just in case there is anyone in any doubt of the importance of sniper / counter sniper work, especially in the FIBUA (Fighting in Built Up Areas) environment, the following article appeared in the colour supplement of last weekends Torygraph;
Narrative � Julius Strauss Photographs � Jason P Howe

It is midnight, one day last month. Griff crouches & peers through the telescopic sight at the dark urban landscape of Sadr City, Baghdad�s poorest & most restive slum suburb. He is searching the rooftops, alleyways & balconies for anything usual � a man�s shoulder silhouetted against the dark grey background, the pineapple-shaped tip of a grenade launcher, the red glow of a cigarette. In the city the last call of the muezzin has faded & the traffic thinned to almost nothing. But the oppressive heat means we still sweat into our Kevlar vests.

Squirting tobacco juice through his teeth into the dust, Griff points out the sites of his kills on the panorama. �You see over there by the dumpster,� he says, as I gaze through the night-vision binoculars. �I killed a man there. The bullet hit him in the neck & nearly took his head off. He was 220 metres from me.� The he indicates a crumbling white wall in the mid-distance off to our left. �I took another one there. He had just attacked a police station & was scrambling over the wall with his Kalashnikov in his hand. That�s 470 metres away.�

By now it is dark save for a few streetlights. The city is silent. A US artilleryman, part of a small squad of soldiers sent to protect the compound, sits slumped in a plastic garden chair, machine gun at the ready, & cracks sunflower seeds between his teeth. The radio crackles softly. There is an occasional burst of gunfire far away.

�I shot a guy over by that radio mast,� Griff says pointing to a tall metal structure in the distance built in the shape of an arrowhead. �It�s a thousand metres from here. That means you have to aim three feet above the target. Beyond that distance the bullet begins to wobble & loses its accuracy.�

As the night wears on we doze. From time to time I look through the sights at the green & white world � at one point a Nissin pick-up drives past at a suspicious crawl before turning into a narrow alley: another time a man appears in a window. It is shortly before 2am when shooting breaks out & mortar shells begin to explode. Grigg, who is leaning against a wall, jumps up & goes out to the roof seeking a target. Unlike others, who wear helmets & goggles, his head is only protected by a floppy hat. He moves noiselessly. In the shadows his aquiline nose & huge evil-looking gun make him the very picture of a deadly nocturnal predator. He says, �I�ve never hit a civilian & I don�t wound.�

At 25, Griff is perhaps the deadliest US sniper in Iraq. He has 20 / 20 vision, is wiry, fit & about 5�10�. He serves in the 10 man team of sharp shooters attached to 2-5 Cav, a mechanised infantry unit. Since arriving in Iraq less than 3 months ago he has notched up 15 confirmed kills. �Shooting has now become second nature. Once I�m behind a gun now it�s all automatic. When there are other people around you cannot let them influence what you are doing. I put everything else out of my mind. Then I relax & visualise what I want the bullet to do. I see it in my mind before it happens.� He is quietly spoken, with old-fashioned Southern manners with, like all of the men in his unit, a pronounced drawl.

I am joining Griff for four days, two at the US military�s Camp Eagle in Sadr City, where he is based, & two more at a frontline outpost on sniping duty. (I arrive in Iraq shortly before the transfer of sovereignty to the interim Iraqi government.)

At first Griff is polite but reticent. Of Welsh & German antecedents, he was born in a rural Texas town, population 1,400, not far from the state capital, Austin, & grew up on the farm. When he was six his grandfather gave him his first .22 rifle & they set out together to hunt rabbits & small birds. �I loved being out in the woods,� he says. �As I got older I�d go off hiking with a few friends. When it got dark, we�d simply light a fire, cook some food & sleep where we lay. Sometimes we�d fish.� Early on, his father, a marine, saw Griff was good with guns & gave him encouragement. Griff won prizes at competitions organised by the youth branches of the Texas State Rifle Association. �My grandfather made me shoot with each hand,� he says. �When I said I couldn�t do it he just told me to keep on trying. When I hit something left-handed, he�d buy me a Coke or a candy bar.�

When Griff was 10 he saved up to buy his first serious gun, a Remington .270 that cost him $400. He raised the money over several months by doing odd jobs for his grandfather. During the summer holidays he was sent off to his grandmothers farm in Okalahoma where he learnt to heard cattle, riding fiery quarter-horses from dawn to dusk. �It was really physical work but it gave you peace of mind,� he says. When he was still a child his grandfather gave him a young horse & said that he could keep it if he could break it. He broke the horse (and in the attempt, his arm). �In the end I got there. I called the horse Cyclone�.

During his school years, Griff studied hard & was a straight A student, in the top 10% of his class. He also broke the state record for the 400m sprint. A member of Future Farmers of America, he was invited to the Governor�s mansion to discuss agricultural policy with George W. Bush. �I was nervous,� he says. �But I had prepared two questions & I asked them. I was proud to have someone of that stature hear what we had to say.�

Meanwhile his siblings were growing up & leaving home. One brother became a marine, another a plumber & a third bought into a mobile home dealership. His elder sister trained to be a teacher. On Sundays his family went to the local Baptist Church of Christ. On Saturday nights he would drive with his friends into Austin, drink beer or rye whiskey & go dancing. Sometimes they went to see Country & Western bands, other times they went to dance halls or discotheques.

It was during an evenings partying that he met Carol. He had just arrived at a house party with his friends. �I was really drunk, holding a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand. I saw this girl standing there. She was 6�1� & blond & I just stared. She was just gorgeous.� Carol was 18 & never had a boyfriend. �That always struck me as funny,� Griff says. The two young Texans fell in love. They moved in together. Carol became pregnant & Griff left college, where he was studying structural engineering, to get a job & look after his new family. He began working as an engineer at a small company run by his uncle, �I didn�t like to work in an office & this gave me the chance to get out. Life was fine. We planned our wedding but Carol wanted to wait until after she�d had the baby.� Then, when Carol was eight mothers pregnant, she was killed by a drunk driver.

Being a sniper puts a man in the elite of the regular US military. As well as training as an ordinary infantryman, he must master stealth, camouflage & marksmanship. After working with a unit on base in the US, those selected are put through 5 weeks of intensive training. There are only about 400 snipers in the entire US army. �We are the elite,� says Bill, the sergeant in charge of 2-5 Cav�s sharpshooters.

The modern use of snipers dates back to the days of the British army in India, when they were chosen for their ability to hit a snipe in mid-flight. The huge, hairy camouflage suits that snipers wear in the field are still known as ghillie suits after the Scottish gamekeepers that pioneered them.

In the early days, snipers worked alone. During WWI & II, German sharpshooters dominated the trenches & battlefields. They were taught at snipers schools & their motto became �Camouflage 10 times, shoot once�. But in modern armies snipers work in pairs. One ma