November 11, 2008
On This Day ... in 1918
At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the Armistice saw the cessation of hostilities with Germany. Peace was not finally secured until the Treaty of Versailles in 1919. Britain had lost some 888,000 men killed, India 72,000, Canada 65,000, Australia 62,000, New Zealand 18,000 and South Africa 9,300.
Smaller parts of the Empire and Dominions had also made huge sacrifices: of the 6,500 men who served during the war with the Royal Newfoundland Regiment, 1,250 men were killed, the 1st Battalion having suffered perhaps the worst casualties of any unit on the first day of the Somme, when 91% of its men were wounded or killed in just 40 minutes.
The Victoria Cross & the George Cross
Today of all days it is probably appropriate that I got round to answering a question that arose the other week: namely, what is the difference between the Victoria Cross & the George Cross. Aside from the obvious, the VC can only be awarded to military personnel or to civilians acting under military command.
The actual criteria as set out in the Royal Warrant are that it is to be awarded for
most conspicuous bravery, or some daring or pre-eminent act of valour or self-sacrifice, or extreme devotion to duty in the presence of the enemy
The George Cross was originally intended as a civilian award for
acts of the greatest heroism or of the most conspicuous courage in circumstances of extreme danger
The GC however may be awarded to military personnel for gallant conduct which is not in the face of the enemy. As its Royal Warrant states
The Cross is intended primarily for civilians and award in Our military services is to be confined to actions for which purely military Honours are not normally granted
There, I hope that clears that one up
November 9, 2008
November 3, 2008
& the latest contender is…
This mornings entry in my now long running African Infantryman of the Year competition is Jamal…
I mean, how much do you want Jamal to actually pull the trigger on that RPG? No only would the BBC / CNN go one light in the journo dept (because to my mind, beardo looks just like a journo who has bitten off more than he can chew) but even if the grenade didn’t detonate, it would punch a boat sinking sized hole in the keel
October 29, 2008
Your Tuesday morning battle rifle conundrum
It would appear that on the left hand side of the pond there is an election of some note due very shortly. This seems to be preoccupying pundits & pollsters alike. Therefore out of respect for our cousins over the water I thought that we would conduct a little polling of our own but on an altogether much more interesting topic & here is the scenario…
Sanity has returned to our foreign policy in the finest traditions of Crecy, Agincourt & Waterloo, we are off to fight the French. When to get to armoury, there are only 2 rifles left in the rack; a Lee Enfield No.4
& a Mauser K98
Which one would you take.
On the face of it, there is little to choose between the two as both a proven designs, capable of surviving both the rigours of the campaign & still cut a dash on your shoulder as you march under the Eiffel Tower as part of the victory celebrations.
To all intents & purposes, there is no particular advantage in using either 7.92mm or .303. Either will leave suitably sized exit wounds in Jean-Claude’s chest.
In combat conditions & in the firefight, again there is nothing to separate either weapon in terms of accuracy.
The Lee Enfield’s 10 round capacity beats the Mauser’s 5. However, remember we are fighting the French here & there is a school of thought that says, with some justification I will add, that a couple of rounds is all your are going to need before the drapeau blanc is flying …
Assuming that plentiful ammunition will be available for both, which one would you sign out?
UPDATE - Sorry, but I have had to take the poll down as it had become corrupted. When I last checked it, after 150 votes, the No.4 was in the lead by a ratio of about 4:1
October 26, 2008
Next contender please
This morning dear readers we have a new nomination for African Infantryman of the Year...
As Alan, who sent this to me pointed out, if Gartee, having taped all of those mags together, didn’t have an AK in each hand, then he would have a hand free to do his flies up.
Previous nominations for this prestigious award can be found
& the truth finally comes out...
At last, The Englishman 'fesses up
"Add me to the ranks of the pathetic"
but so am I
October 9, 2008
September 18, 2008
September 3, 2008
August 12, 2008
This mornings nomination for African Infantryman of the Year is…
Now come on…’fess up…all of us have taped mags together at some point in time. However it takes a true God of War professional to stick quite that number together!
July 29, 2008
African Infantryman of the Year
A little while ago now, I posted a review of Liberian Infantry Tactics which after nearly 3,000 posts, is still the most commented upon little piece in this dark dank little corner of the internet. OK, so half of the comments are accusations of racism but I will stop pointing out what a bunch of utter utter nangers these gangstas are, the day they learn some basic infantry skills. Fo'sure
However in a belated attempt not to be outdone by their Liberian brothers (or is that broz), we now have entries (via ARRSE) from some of the Nigerian militias for the converted title of African Infantryman of the Year
Starting off with our first entrant, Eloghosa - he likes to estimate bullet drift due to wind conditions using the more contemporary combination of the smoke from his fatty (surely that should be phatti – Ed), pulling his hat down over his eyes & using the force.
Asked to comment about the his AK47, Eloghosa also feels quite strongly that actually cleaning it iz fo all yo beotches because deez be da gatz dat da g’s be stappin’ an packin sidways an shih.
Second up we have Chinedu Onytkachuwu with his bloods from da hood look: a fusion of the classic Ramdoesque link wrapped around the torso meets Miss Selfridge, all topped off with a tousled hair wig.
As he says, gangsta it iz wot we iz doing at tha moment ... doggystyle
Finally, form the National Police Force we have Arikawe who has updated Grampa Walton’s dungarees in a more urban vernacular which he feels is far mo’schmoooove
Full respec’ to NBC for finding this
July 27, 2008
Not much changes
When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
The Young British Soldier, Rudyard Kipling
& now updated...
When you’re lying alone in your Afghan bivvy,
And your life it depends on some MOD civvie
When the body armour’s shared (one set between three),
And the firefight’s not like it is on TV,
Then you’ll look to your oppo, your gun and your God,
As you follow that path all Tommies have trod.
When the gimpy has jammed and you’re down to one round,
And the faith that you’d lost is suddenly found.
When the Taliban horde is close up to the fort,
And you pray that the arty don’t drop a round short.
Stick to your sergeant like a good squaddie should,
And fight them like satan or one of his brood
Your pay it won’t cover your needs or your wants,
So just stand there and take all the Taliban’s taunts
Nor generals nor civvies can do aught to amend it,
Except make sure you’re kept in a place you can’t spend it.
Three fifty an hour in your Afghani cage,
Not nearly as much as the minimum wage.
Your missus at home in a foul married quarter
With damp on the walls and a roof leaking water
Your kids miss their mate, their hero, their dad;
They’re missing the childhood that they should have had
One day it will be different, one day by and by,
As you all stand there and watch, to see the pigs fly
Just like your forebears in mud, dust and ditch
You’ll march and you’ll fight, and you’ll drink and you’ll bitch
Whether Froggy or Zulu, or Jerry, or Boer
The Brits will fight on ‘til the battle is over.
You may treat him like dirt, but nowt will unnerve him
But I wonder sometimes, if the country deserves him.
Peej 2008.
Via The Chosen Man & Theo Spark
July 18, 2008
July 7, 2008
Monday Morning Statistics – Part 1
Jamie Cooper,19 was testing radio equipment outside Basra's Shat al Arab Hotel in 2006 when two mortar bombs exploded. The first blasted his hands and right arm and the second ripped opened his buttocks, severing the nerves to his leg as shrapnel went through his pelvis and into his stomach.
Mr. Cooper, who was serving with the 2 Rifles at the time, has been told that that he is not disabled enough to receive council tax disability benefits, even though he now has to walk with a stick.
Mr Cooper has been awarded £57,000 compensation by the Ministry of Defence. This sum compares with £485,000 paid to an RAF typist who suffered “repetitive strain injury”.
This is why soldiers want their children, if the join the forces, to join the air farce.
May 22, 2008
May 21, 2008
May 5, 2008
Imperial Medley
I’ve had this little collection of pics kicking around in My Pictures folder for a number of months now. Happier days eh?
April 26, 2008
00-Buckshot
I cant remember where I right clicked this from,
but it reminds me of Chris Byrne’s line from Team Infidel: "Nothing says God is great like 00-buck "
April 25, 2008
The General - Siegfried Sassoon
"Good-morning; good-morning!" the General said
When we met him last week on our way to the line.
Now the soldiers he smiled at are most of ’em dead,
And we’re cursing his staff for incompetent swine.
"He’s a cheery old card," grunted Harry to Jack
As they slogged up to Arras with rifle and pack.
But he did for them both by his plan of attack.
April 23, 2008
March 31, 2008
Homenaje a Las Brigadade Internacionales
Whilst some get all misty eyed at the mention of the International Brigades…
but your humble correspondent tends to think Marxists, Leninists, Trotskyites … just about every shade of Communist you care to mention. Clearly the so-called British Battalion still has its supporters here in San Francisco
March 14, 2008
Egg Banjos
Picking up from this weeks star culinary item, Client #10 wants an egg fryer shaped like a banjo. This is an inspired idea because you could then have a banjo in your egg banjo.
Now for those of you that have never come across the egg banjo, it is a distinctly military institution which the ARRSEPedia defines as
A sandwich made from (usually) half stale white bread, spread on both insides with margarine and slotted in with at least one greasy fried egg, preferably soft yolk to distribute better, covered with sauce of own choice, brown or tomato (ketchup to the Spams).
It becomes a banjo when....
...the yolk and sauce dribble down your front. You move the hand containing the sandwich away and up to a point level with your ear as you look down your front and usually to an accompanying 'Aw bollox' you wipe/smear the said yolk & sauce into your shirt with you're free hand giving a passing imitation of playing 'air banjo' !
A slight variation on the "classic" banjo is when using Warrior. When on operations or big exercises like BATUS, [compo] rations will be supplemented by "fresh" rations which equates to sliced bread, fresh eggs and Clackie.
Now obviously the back of an armoured vehicle is a high risk environment for eggs and a dozen raw uncooked broken eggs in the back of a hot wagon is a friend to no-one. However the blokes have a solution. Pop the eggs into the BV and hey presto - hard boiled eggs that can't break (well they can but don't leak). Now if you peel the egg and pop it into the sliced white bread you have an "Almost Banjo" that you can eat.
BATUS being what it is, the commander and gunner can be in the turret for long periods of time and may need scoff to keep up their morale. What can be better than a hot "almost egg banjo"? So the Commander calls down to the bloke sitting in the first seat on the right just under the turret cage - he is the sprog as this is generally considered the worst seat in the wagon. Said sprog then tries to peel an egg, in the dark, in a moving wagon without moving his elbows as there is no space before sticking it in a slice of bread and passing it up to the turret crew.
What comes up to the turret is a highly dangerous mix of salmonella and sprog's fingernail dirt, livened up by razor sharp pieces of egg shell. Lovely. Fortunately your Handy Mug with Lid(Vehicle Commander, Drinking) is filled with tea to wash it down.
March 4, 2008
Reason No. 4,234 to dislike golfers
Over the years, I have read in several places, the Battle of Britain story about a wounded RAF aircrew that incurred the ire of golf club members having been carried bleeding into their bar. I suppose that I put it down to hearsay & whilst registering it, never really gave it a second thought. However spending some time over the weekend to catch up on the obits, it would seem that not only is the story true, but it can be attributed to one Squadron Leader 'Hawkeye' Lee
… who was wounded in the leg and forced to bale out of his burning aircraft. He was "captured" by an armed elderly civilian who refused to believe that Lee was British; some soldiers retrieved the situation, taking him to the local golf course for a brandy while they waited for an ambulance.
Heavily bloodstained, Lee stood at the bar, where he overheard a man complaining: "The machine-gunning made me miss my putt. And who's that chap at the bar? Bad show, all that blood - I don't believe he's even a member."
It’s a good job that the late Squadron Leader Lee was made of sterner stuff than your humble correspondent because if the same had happened to me, as soon as I had recovered, there would have been a bit more machine-gunnery … & missing a put would have been the very least of the club’s members complaints.
Mind you, when you consider how the current government treats our wounded service personnel, it just goes to show that times don’t change.
February 29, 2008
"When Harry met Tali" *
Well good on Prince Harry for not giving up & badgering the MoD until they let him go & do the job that he has been trained to do. However it is worth pointing out that in 1982 Prince Andrew joined 820 Naval Air Squadron, serving aboard the aircraft carrier, HMS Invincible & was sent ‘down south’.
Throughout the Falklands War he flew on various missions, including Anti-Submarine Warfare and Anti-Surface Warfare search, exocet missile decoy, as well as other missions. He also helped in casualty evacuation, transport and was involved in some highly dangerous Search and Air Rescue missions.
Is it just me or was there a lot less fuss in the press about that particular deployment? Clearly the media or at lest the weight that the media attaches to stories has changed a lot since 1982.
Its interesting to ponder however, that our Royal Family keep a discreet silence & send their sons to war, when so ordered. The same certainly can’t be said for our politicians or their families.
*stolen from the Daily Star's headline
February 27, 2008
& this mornings piece of homo-erotic Nazi propaganda is
Is the sort of thing that Christopher Isherwood (pictured left) would have no doubt have approved of
As W H Auden (pictured right) wrote of him
He loved the trees, he loved the squares, he loved the little fountains & the cafes; but most of all, he love those beautiful Berlin boys
February 26, 2008
February 25, 2008
Xiong huai chouhen, dan wu xu fa
Tebie yao zhuajin xue sheji, zhandou zhongjian zui daliang zui pubian de ying benshi jiu shi sheji. Yiding yao ba sheji xunlian gao hao.
With vengeance in your heart, no bullet will be fired in vain.
You must especially make the best use of your time to learn how to fire a gun, because in combat this is the most widely used practical skill.
Ensure that training for shooting a gun is thoroughly carried out.
February 8, 2008
Saul has slain his thousands; But David his tens of thousands
In view of yesterdays report (that the Army has run out of machine guns), perhaps the time is now right to scour our many military museums for suitable replacement weapons & lets be honest, with the possible exception of the greatest light machine gun ever produced, nothing screams stout bulldog like the venerable Vickers medium machine gun. Deploy a few of those to the North West Frontier & the Pathans heads would be kept well & truly down in the gutter
Yes, it harks from a different much happier age & indeed it was in 1881 when Hiram Maxim, was attending a Paris exhibition that he was told that if he was to achieve pay parity with Croesus he was going to need
to invent something that will enable these Europeans to cut each others' throats with greater facility.
Sensing the commercial opportunity, he wisely set up shop in London’s Hatton Garden, an area long noted for its very very commercial outlook &
between 1883 & 1885 patented almost every process by which automatic fire could be produced. In 1884 a press report stated "Hiram Maxim, the well known American electrician has made an automatic machine gun with a single barrel, using the standard .45 rifle cartridge, that will load and fire itself by energy derived from recoil at a rate of over 600 rounds a minute."
The bulldogs adopted the Vickers.303 (basically a go-faster version of Maxim’s original machine gun with a slightly reduced rate of fire) in 1912 & its crew of six could produce the equivalent weight of fire of 40 well drilled riflemen.
The following tale related by Ian Hogg gives you an idea of just how good a weapon this was
The Vickers gun accompanied the BEF to France in 1914, and in the years that followed proved itself to be the most reliable weapon on the battlefield, some of its feats of endurance entering military mythology. Perhaps the most incredible was the action by the 100th Company of the Machine Gun Corps at High Wood on August 24, 1916.
This company had ten Vickers guns, and it was ordered to give sustained covering fire for 12 hours onto a selected area 2,000 yards away in order to prevent German troops forming up there for a counter-attack while a British attack was in progress. Two whole companies of infantrymen were allocated as carriers of ammunition, rations and water for the machine-gunners. Two men worked a belt-filling machine non-stop for 12 hours keeping up a supply of 250-round belts. One hundred new barrels were used up, and every drop of water in the neighbourhood, including the men’s drinking water and contents of the latrine buckets, went up in steam to keep the guns cool. And in that 12-hour period the ten guns fired a million rounds between them.
One team fired 120,000 from one gun to win a five-franc prize offered to the highest-scoring gun. And at the end of that 12 hours every gun was working perfectly and not one gun had broken down during the whole period. It was this absolute foolproof reliability which endeared the Vickers to every British soldier who ever fired one. It never broke down; it just kept on firing and came back for more. And that was why the Mark 1 Vickers gun was to remain the standard medium machine-gun from 1912 to 1968.
Sadly, I have never had the opportunity for fire this most quintessentially British of weapons. However in light of the current shortages of both men & material, I don’t discount being recalled to the Colours at any time (heaven help us all) & indeed, if I were to find myself east of Suez equipped with one of these fine old pieces ...
... I wouldn’t be too disappointed
February 7, 2008
Sometimes the genius of the MoD leaves to you breathless
One way to ensure that the widely reported ammunition shortages don’t impact upon on-going operations is to run out of the machine guns that the ammunition goes into ...
British troops “desperately” need 400 of the jumbo 0.5in calibre heavy machine guns – the weapon most acutely missed.The Army has also run out of the 7.62mm GPMG and Minimis.
Once more the Whitehall warriors solve the problem.
Via The Firearm Blog & ARRSE as well as Mike H & EX_STAB
January 30, 2008
Of Courts Martial
Retired Army Green Beret James T. (Smokey) Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling pretty good about it. Taylor, at age 79, is one of the oldest members of Chapter XXXIII (The Larry Thorne Chapter) of the Special Forces Association. He was placed on trial by fellow Chapter XXXIII members under the charge of "failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber" in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in November.
The court martial, of course, was very much tongue in cheek. The event itself was deadly serious.
Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of November 5, 2007,when an intruder broke into his home. He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.
"It was just after Halloween, on Monday morning at 4:30," Taylor said. I heard this commotion at the door and grabbed my fishing gun, a little 22 revolver, to see what was going on. I got to the front door and this fellow had ripped my security door out of its frame. He said, 'you're
going to have to kill me. I'm coming in.'"
When a warning to leave went unheeded, Taylor brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes.
"I was about four feet away from him when I shot," Taylor said. "Looking back now, I'm glad he didn't die, but that boy had the hardest head I've ever seen. The bullet bounced right off."
The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the house then got up and ran down the street. Taylor dialed 911 and
Knoxville police apprehended the wounded man about 200 yards away, hiding in a hedgerow.
Complicating the case, as well as the court martial, the offender was released on bail but failed to appear for his court date. Knoxville police said the man was homeless. They did not know his whereabouts or why he had been given bail.
The charges brought against Taylor by his fellow Green Berets were considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and
Vietnam.
"Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial," said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long of Asheville, NC.
The trial was held at the Hampton Inn in Brevard, part of the group's regularly scheduled quarterly meeting. Long appointed a judge, Bert Bates, a defense counsel, Jim Hash, and a prosecutor, Charlie Ponds. All are retired Special Forces non-commissioned officers with extensive
combat and weapons experience.
Ponds outlined the case against Taylor, emphasizing that the citizens of Knox County were going to be burdened with significant costs to again apprehend, and then prosecute and defend the would-be burglar.
"Proper choice of a larger caliber gun would have spared the citizens this financial burden," Ponds said, "while removing one bad guy from the streets for good. He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't
big enough to get the job done. Hash disagreed. He said Taylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a 22.
"If he'd used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor's wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed. I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man."
Hash then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp's forehead.
"He was victimized by old ammunition," he said, "just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II."
Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. The jury, consisting of all the members of the Chapter, discussed the merits of choosing a larger caliber weapon as
well as the obvious benefits to society of permanently deleting the intruder so he would never again threaten any private citizen.
The other side of the coin, that of accidentally causing injury to a completely innocent citizen if a more powerful gun had been used, also gained considerable support.
Following testimony from both sides, Judge Bates determined the charges should be dismissed. The decision was met with a round of applause. In
fact, there was strong sentiment expressed that Taylor should receive an award for not only choosing wisely in picking up the 22, but for the accuracy of his aim under difficult and dangerous conditions.
After the trial Taylor said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out the door.
"I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead," Taylor said. "It was good for both of us that it didn't."
Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don't go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.
A wave of TDB for this one
January 9, 2008
We all have our doubts about the crabs...
but now the proof that we have been waiting for
Thanks to TDB for confirming our suspicions
January 5, 2008
Multiculturalism, another view
At home, we should make greater effort to ensure that a clear national identity & a multicultural approach can sit more comfortably together. But we must not delude ourselves; clarity of thought is essential. I am a great believer in live & let live, but not at the expense of my British way of life. The fundamental political question here is what degree of tolerance the body politic should afford to those whose intolerance looks to destroy that body politic, and the rule of law that underpins it.
General Sir Mike Jackson – Soldier: The Autobiography, Pg 375
December 30, 2007
IED SOPs
In the past, we have dealt with such weighty martial topics as
Staff Guidance on Defence Restructuring
How different units within the British Armed Forces deal with snakes
Military phrases that you would rather not hear
Staff officers speak (updated)
& not forgetting
Immediate Actions on Encountering a Plan
This afternoon’s little offering (via ARRSE) has the snappy title of (waaaaaait for it),
AMENDMENT#93489321 (4TH EDITION) TO UK FORCES (IRAQ) SOPs:
ACTIONS ON: IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE (IED)
1.Household Cavalry.
Regard IED with haughty disdain and rustle Daily Telegraph angrily. Maintain presence of IED in Knightsbridge is “absolutely preposterous”. Return to regimental main effort of defending Central London from the roundheads.
2. Cavalry.
Declare IED as best thing since tinned champagne, hold impromptu Pimms party to celebrate. Declare subsequent IED detonation as even more “wizard prang”, extend Pimms party and incorporate mandatory drinking of champagne from remains of IED as regimental custom for next 300 years.
3.Footguards.
Reduce words-of-command and halting in quick time to a minimum. Deploy No.1 fatigue party in close-order to polish IED to acceptable standard, followed by No.2 fatigue party to paint IED blue-red-blue and swab immediate area. IED detonated by massed bands. Deploy 2 X Battalions- worth of fatigue parties to swab resulting mess.
4.Armoured Infantry.
Fail to see IED. Crush IED. On realising error, detract attention by initiating faked contact against nearest dwelling using all available weapon systems. Hide remains of IED in sidebin.
5.Light-Role Infantry.
Find IED. Fail to find solution to IED due to environmental differences to Salisbury Plain. Attempt cordon operation and set a new world record for miles of mine tape used. Withdraw to COB under cover of mine tape.
6.Parachute Regt.
Decide IED is a “hat”. Deploy most junior paratrooper to “crack the hat’s skull”. Call the junior paratrooper a “hat” when he gets blown up by IED. Remind all others that they are “hats” because they weren’t there.
7.Royal Marines.
Declare that IED is “hoofing”. Get junior men naked with IED as an initiation. Turn IED into an improvised free-weight for bench pressing. Indent for extra, extra supplementary rations from “the galley”. Hoofing.
8.SAS.
Deploy bearded men 200km behind IED using HALO-Landrover-Submarine insertion. Tab into area of IED and capture IED alive. Smuggle IED out in burka and extract to UK. Write a book per team member, all with hugely differing accounts of the OP.
9.SBS.
Get into black rubber suits. Steal IED as above. Construct black rubber suit for IED. Move to a special swimming pool and do bad, bad things with black-rubber-coated-IED. Turn on wave machine and let things get properly nasty. Be very grateful for UKSF non-disclosure policy.
10. SRR.
Dig hole in ground to hide in. Proceed to watch IED for ten days to make association to Bravos. Divert entire Brigades assets onto tasking. Manage to maintain dignity when informed three weeks later that it’s a small rock and not an IED.
11.Royal Artillery.
Level entire area ten square kilometres around IED. IED still functional. Repeatedly remind everyone that artillery neutralizes, it doesn’t destroy. Create promotional video of IED neutralization with images of Apache and accompanying Tina Turner soundtrack.
12. Medical Corps.
Send out a fit hottie to chat-up IED. Fit hottie lightly dabs a damp cloth over the IED to keep it cool and offers reassuring words. Ends up sleeping with IED before announcing undying love and marrying it. IED later detonates when it catches her in bed with an Irish Guards Private.
13. Chaplain Corp.
Approach the IED preaching about The Lord, oblivious to having entered a come-on. Rounds from nearby insurgents pass over and around the Padre without harming him. IED attempts to detonate and fails as some mysterious force prevents it from engaging. IED is later found giving sermons to scared soldiers new into theatre.
14.Royal Engineers.
Destroy IED using charge with 10-times explosive content of IED. Build SQN bar in crater. Use second massive charge to blow second crater in which to build & celebrate opening of SQN bar/gym complex with BBQs every night for the rest of tour. IED appears on next SQN t-shirt.
15.Royal Signals.
IED self destructs to avoid WESTLANDS BOWMANISATION.
16. BFBS Radio DJ’s.
Send shout-out on BFBS Radio 1 to IED wishing it good luck and playing ‘I Will Survive’. IED detonates out of shame and embarrassment.
17. Royal Military Police.
Issue IED with penalty fine of £1000 for loitering and not having FFD/Tourniquet/Morphine. IED detonates in anger and annoyance at the monkeys wasting its time. Surviving RMP’s issue IED with penalty charge for littering.
18.Army Air Corps.
Identify ideal opportunity to prove AAC has an offensive role and is not just a taxi service. Launch TOW missile at IED. Missile fails due to armaments contract being given to cheapest bidder. Accept that was the AAC’s only missile and disband.
19.Intelligence Corps.
Deny existence of IED to unit reporting IED, as they are not sufficiently cleared. Issue BG’s with a list of int-based questions to ask IED. Study Q&A analysis and find two main results:
A-Suggest IED may detonate having studied trend analysis of previous IED’s
B-Claim it’s part of a come-on involving 400 insurgents and Iranian heavy-armour, as that’s what the guy who cleans the toilets told them.
20.Div/Bde Headquarters.
Issue IED with a notification of controlled explosion. IED ignores/deletes message, as does the rest of theatre.
21. RLC.
Get pictures taken whilst posing next to IED with another Units GPMG. IED detonates due to someone making a video call on their mobile phone.
22. RAF.
Send the RFS out to investigate IED; fail to notice they never come back. RFS patrol later found upside down in a WMKII in a ditch, in Syria. Patrol Commander admits to being a ‘bit unsure about his position’, is informed his position is now ‘Private’
23.Navy.
Proclaim IED as a figment of the Army’s imagination. Go on a Mediterranean cruise for 3 months. Come back to Middle East waters. Proclaim IED as a figment of the Army’s imagination. (repeat indefinitely). Occasionally get taken hostage to relieve the monotony.
24. American Army. Send out a patrol in a hummer with Rhino deployed, then send out a Spectre gunship to destroy the nearest local village in retribution for when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.
25. Australian Army.
Threaten to withdraw entire countries assets from theatre as they heard a rumour there was an IED identified 50 miles south of their position. Demand hand-holding by other already over-stretched British units and then complain when we make them actively look for more IEDs’.
26. Romanian Army.
Confuse IED with their gibberish native tongue. Sign the IED onto their stores and attempt to make it part of their armaments supply due to under funding by a government that’s abandoned them.
27 Danish Army.
Arrive in theatre and promptly invite IED to their camp to join in their BBQ and Drinks sessions held every night. Eventually starve to death as they’d forgot how to open their camp gates on account of having never left. IED detonates to attract attention and help.
28. Iraq Army.
Tip up five days after IED reported. Cordon area, remove IED. Corrupt elements of IA then move IED five hundred yards further along road and bury. Ensure MNFI that area is now clear.
29. Iraq Civilian.
Dig up IED, take to nearest MNFI post and attempt to sell IED. Upon refusal, attempts to sell IED to MJAM. MJAM take IED and bury it at target area. Civilian digs up IED, takes to nearest MNFI post and attempts to sell IED. And so on.
30. UK Aid Worker.
Show complete disregard for IED, fail to adhere to Foreign Office warnings on IED’s, pay no attention to MNFI briefs on IED’s and wonder what went wrong when their convoy gets destroyed by IED.
31. Security Contractor.
Use innocent civilian children to test road ahead of patrol for IED’s. When child finds IED, claim child is insurgent attempting a come-on and shoot child. And his family. And neighbours.
32. Private Contractor.
Find themselves lured to Iraq by greed. Make more money in a week than some soldiers do in a month. Laugh at poorly paid soldiers being blown up by IEDs’. Expect MNFI to help when they get blown up by IED. Wonder why we don’t respond.
MAJ GEN. Sir Quentin Farquin-Arson Winker (RET.)
DEC ‘07
Once more, thanks & a packet of Biscuits AB to EX_STAB for this one.
December 24, 2007
A further addendum
Regular readers will recall that a few days ago we had a little addendum to the Liberian Infantry Tactics Review – well this morning we have a further addition to make, snapped on graduation day at the University of Monrovia …
& the Sepos think they have a problem with firearms in schools?
A festive wave of the yuletide cigar to reader Andrew for the pic
December 11, 2007
Tuesdays competition
Do you remember the Liberian Infantry Tactics Review post that seemed to elicit so many comments. Well here is something in similar vein …
To be honest, its late & I can't think of a decent caption. Maybe someone can come up with something suitable
November 27, 2007
The Sten Gun
You wicked piece of vicious tin!
Call you a gun? Don't make me grin.
You're just a bloated piece of pipe.
You couldn't hit a hunk of tripe.
But when you're with me in the night,
I'll tell you pal, you're just alright!
Each day I wipe you free of dirt.
Your dratted corners tear my shirt.
I cuss at you and call you names,
You're much more trouble than my dames.
But boy, do I love to hear you yammer
When you 're spitting lead in a business manner.
You conceited pile of salvage junk.
I think this prowess talk is bunk.
Yet if I want a wall of lead
Thrown at some Jerry's head
It is to you I raise my hat;
You're a damn good pal...
You silly gat!
Ode to a Sten Gun by Gunner. S.N. Teed
Of all of the weapons that Her Majesty used to loan me on a periodic basis, I suppose that I liked the Sterling Sub Machine Gun the least. Its not that I had a real disliked of it; with the benefit of hindsight I suppose that I was just ambivalent to it. If you asked me to sum up my feelings I would have to say well at least it was light which when on exercise is the most important feature of any weapon, coupled with the fact that you had as much chance of being issued with any 9mm blank as you have of holding a politician to an election pledge – so at ENDEX, all that was required was a quick wipe over as it wouldn’t have been fired. However, in comparison to say the SLR or the LMG, the Sterling just wasn’t in the same league
Despite its shortcomings, the Sterling represents the (cough cough) pinnacle of development of its predecessor, the Sten gun … or to give it its great & glorious full official designation, the Carbine, Machine, Sten.
Notwithstanding any lingering misgivings that I might harbour for its final variant, there is something terribly British about the Sten: a design cobbled together in somewhat of a panic because we had sent an Army to war with very little of the kit that it actually needed – see, times don’t change do they dear readers. But forget the engineering excellence of the German MP38s & MP40s or indeed the solidity of the American’s Thompson … we produce over 4 million sub machine guns that … errrrr didn’t really work very well.
So what can we say about the Sten? Well first of all & importantly for a country that was fighting for its life, it was cheap & easy to produce - you could produce approximately 15 Stens for the cost of one Lee Enfield No.4.
The Sten emerged while Britain was engaged in the Battle of Britain, facing invasion by the Nazis. The army was forced to replace weapons lost during the evacuation from Dunkirk while expanding at the same time. Prior to 1941 (and even later) the British were purchasing all the Thompson submachine guns they could from the United States of America, but this did not begin to meet demand. The American entry into the war at the end of 1941 placed an even bigger demand on the facilities making Thompsons. In order to rapidly equip a sufficient fighting force to counter the Axis threat, the Royal Small Arms Factory, Enfield, was commissioned to produce a significantly cheaper alternative.
The credited designers were Major R. V. Shepherd, OBE, Inspector of Armaments in the Ministry of Supply Design Department at The Royal Arsenal, Woolwich, (later Assistant Chief Superintendent at the Armaments Design Department) and Mr. Harold John Turpin, Senior Draughtsman of the Design Department of the Royal Small Arms Factory (RSAF) Enfield. Shepherd had been recalled to service after having retired and spending some time at BSA.
However, that basic design & ease of manufacturing was also its Achilles heel
It was not very reliable. It was not very accurate and could carry on firing when you let go of the trigger and even go off when the trigger was not pulled (if dropped or it received some other form of shock or impact). It was often regarded as being just as dangerous to your own men as to the enemy.
Another source of problems was magazine spring, so magazines were routinely loaded with 28-30 rounds instead of "full capacity" 32 rounds to reduce strain on the magazine spring.
These are features that tend not to be considered as very good in your infantry’s weapons
Over the period of manufacture the Sten design was further simplified: the most basic model, the Mark III, could be produced from just five man-hours work.
Some of the cheapest versions were made from only 47 different parts. It was distinctive for its bare appearance (just a pipe with a metal loop for a stock), and its horizontal magazine.
From 1943, the Mark 2S were produced which incorporated an integral supressor. This would heat up rapidly when fired & a canvas cover was laced around for some protection. The suppressed models were produced at the request of the Special Operations Executive for use by their teams in occupied Europe.
These guns had shortened barrels enclosed into integral silencer. The silencer was rather effective so most audible sound when firing Mark 2S was the clattering of the bolt moving back and forth in the receiver. Contemporary manuals advised that the weapon was to be fired in semi-automatic mode; the full automatic fire was reserved for emergency situations, as it decreased the service life of silencer significantly.
So there you have it, a shorter history of one of our most numerous & iconic weapons which will never be held up as an example of either design excellence. It worked some of the time & sometimes when you didn't want it to. Call it what you will; the "Plumber's Nightmare", "Plumber's Abortion", "Stench Gun" or "Woolworth's Gun", it is now, for better or worse, embedded into our military history
November 13, 2007
Mr FM's History of the IRA (Expedited Version)
Just picking up from my earlier post on continuing terrorist violence in Northern Ireland, I thought that this morning, we should take a little look at the history of the IRA which in so many ways, echoes 'that' scene from Monty Pythons Life of Brian. So without further ado & armed only with a bottle of Bushmills, let us plunge into the murky world of Irish revolutionary politics.
The Original IRA (OIRA) aka the Old IRA (confusingly also known as OIRA) fought in the War of Independence. After the Battle of Yorktown & a simply catastrophic map reading error, they moved to the south side of Boston where they continue to fight amongst one & other to this day.
Part of the OIRA accepted the compromise of the 1921 treaty which established the Irish Free State & Free State government. Ironically, the Irish Free State is nothing to do the Orange Free State which was so named in honour of the House of Orange. Whilst certain parts of southern Africa continue hark back to their Dutch Protestant roots, inexplicably in Dublin, King William is not remembered so fondly.
Although this was a diplomatic incident waiting to happen, their followed a reasonably stable period of Irish history until a catastrophic seating plan failure at the opening banquet of the Helsinki Conference of 1929 when the delegations for the Irish Free State & the Orange Free State were seated at the same table as the sales director for the Amstrad Solid State wireless.
Supporters of the OIRA formed the Fine-Gael Party, currently the second-largest party in Ireland. With additional recruits, it became the National Army, later known as the Irish Defence Force or IDF. As a result of the Great Storm of 1951 in the Western Approaches, a ship carrying members of the IDF was blown off course landing in Cairo, not Cork as originally intended. The resulting confusion goes someway to explaining the current ‘troubles’ in the West Bank, Gaza Strip & why you can still get a pint of Guinness in certain bars on the Golan Heights.
That part of the OIRA which rejected the compromise of the 1921 treaty on the grounds of editorial control & franchising rights went on under Liam ‘Hangman’ Lynch to fight the Irish Civil War against the Free State 'National Army' also formed of members from the OIRA (but led by Michael Collins), with the support of the anti-treaty faction of Sinn Féin, led by Éamon de Valera. Some years after losing the Civil War, a faction led by de Valera resigned from Sinn Féin, established the Fianna Fáil party, which is currently the largest party in Ireland & proof that in Irish politics if at first you don’t secede …
In the 1930's the remainder of the IRA, including that part of the OIRA organised within Northern Ireland, attempted a bombing campaign in Britain & the symbiotic relationship between Sinn Féin and the IRA was re-established – something that is denied by Nationalist ‘politicians’ to this day
By the 1960s, after the failed border campaign, Sinn Féin moved towards a Marxist Class Struggle Outlook V6.1. With the outbreak of ‘the Troubles’, Sinn Féin, or as it came to be called after the formation of the Provisional IRA (PIRA) & Provisional Sinn Féin, OIRA & Official Sinn Féin, found itself sidelined because of a lack of original acronyms. Over time the OIRA faded away, while Official Sinn Féin moved to a purely Marxist position, renaming itself first Sinn Féin the Workers Party, and then in 1982, The Workers Party where upon it slid into comparative obscurity.
After the OIRA's 1972 ceasefire it & Official Sinn Féin suffered a split in 1974 leading to the formation of the extreme left wing & equally extremely humourless Irish National Liberation Army (INLA). The more bearded members of the INLA, notable for their propensity for internal ideological feuding, in a fit of student pique went on to take themselves even more seriously & formed the Irish Republican Socialist Party (IRSP). The IRSP was initially led by Elvis Costello’s younger brother Seamus . Whilst Elvis wrote & recorded the song ‘Oliver’s Army’, after releasing a critically acclaimed second album, he ceased taking part in any further paramilitary activity. By this stage, Seamus, still head of the IRSP, had been assassinated by the OIRA during a feud over record royalties.
Indeed, this musical theme continues as in 1992 the Workers' Party suffered a split again, resulting in the formation of the Democratic Left, the most leftist of the parties in the Republic with seats in the Dáil Éireann.. Ultimately the Democratic Left merged into the Labour Party to form Fat Larry’s Band where they enjoyed brief chart success with their hit single Zoom (& apologies to A. Sayle Esq. for recycling that joke).
In 1969, the more traditional i.e. corduroy wearing republican members split off into the Provisional IRA (PIRA) & Provisional Sinn Féin. A further split occurred in 1986, when the former leader of Sinn Féin Ruairí Ó Brádaigh - who was replaced by Gerry Adams in 1983 - walked out of the Sinn Féin Ard fheis, citing breeches of pronunciation.
The followers of Ruairí Ó Brádaigh, who adhere to republican legitimatism, & opposing Sinn Féin's decision to abandon both abstentionism & post modernist abstract mimes & enter the Dáil Éireann, set up a rival party and military wing, called Republican Sinn Féin & the Continuity IRA (CIRA).
In 1997, members of the PIRA who did not accept the peace process split off to form the Real IRA (RIRA) & its snappily named political wing, the 32 County Sovereignty Movement which is sometimes known as the Peoples Front of Judea… or was that the Judean Peoples Front??
November 11, 2007
November 10, 2007
November 8, 2007
Yet another shining example of the regard that Nu-Labour has for the Armed Forces
Defence Minister Lord Drayson has taken a "leave of absence" from the government in a bid to take part in the 24-hour Le Mans race.The 47-year-old is resigning from his unpaid post to take part in a series of qualifying events in the United States. A government spokesman said it was "a key step towards his eventual dream of success" in Le Mans.
In a letter to Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Lord Drayson said: "As you know I have a passion for motor racing and over the past year have competed in the British GT championship racing a unique bio-ethanol fuelled race car, achieving a 'historic first' win for a green-fuelled car and coming second overall in the championship.
"A number of special circumstances have now presented me with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take my racing to the next level. I have the opportunity to race next year in the American Le Mans series in the US, a key step towards my eventual dream of success in the Le Mans 24-hours endurance race."
He said next year was the first time bio-ethanol cars would be allowed to compete, adding: "So this is a wonderful opportunity to showcase British motorsport technology for environmentally friendly racing."
So, me’laud … taking driving cars that panders to the increasingly rabid demands of the eco-fascists is more important than ensuring that in your job as Minister of State you ensuring that MoD procurement is running properly (of course it never will) & the armed forces have the kit that they need (which they dont).Let’s just say that this man has in interesting set of personal priorities which sadly, really comes as no surprise.
October 22, 2007
October 5, 2007
Liberian Infantry Tactics Review - Reposted
Upon quiet whiskey induced contemplation in the small hours of Saturday morning your humble correspondent had cause to reflect upon the days posting & the On This Day entry in particular which showed the British Army in action in both Afghanistan & Mesopotamia in the nineteenth & twentieth centuries on January 13th many years ago. Now, in 2006, the kit might have changed but the locations havent. So, with the help of a few more fingers of the dark stuff & reader Michael H who sent me this, today we can look at the infantry tactics utilised by some of our current prospective opposition.
The images below were taken during the battle for the Liberian capital, Monrovia, where local custom dictates that the use of a weapons sights is strictly prohibited. Also prohibited are aiming, assuming a supported firing position - in fact anything that might resemble anything that might constitute marksmanship. Hip hop / rappa / gangsta poses are mandatory, as we will see.
Note this example of a perfect executed flamboyant sideways Glock Foh-Tay running stance.
Lethality is achieved by subjecting the target to a hosing down with automatic fire, undirected artillery & mortars or attempting to lower the intended targets moral with gesturing & aggressive hip-hop style dancing while firing. Points & respec are awarded for artistic effort, original interpretation, fearsome facial expressions & the gratuitous use of blue duct tape (but more on that in the extended entry).
When undertaken FIBUA operations, most militia units will use the Soul Train infantry formation during the advance to contact
Your average militiaman, upon coming under effective enemy fire, will swiftly move to a suitable position & return accurate, well directed fire while waiting for his platoon commander to assess the situation. The amazing height & style on this one really impressed the judges.
Once contact with the enemy has occurred & the platoon commander has assessed the situation & formulated a plan, he will direct fire using tracer rounds & the one handed overhead blind shot, to indicate the position of da brizzles over thar.
As fire teams start to fire & manoeuvre, suppressive fire will be provided by a support section, often form the prone position - too bad that the mag spring has blown out of the bottom of this beautifully blue-duct-taped God of War magazine rig.
Other platoon members such as this pair often use the difficult of co-ordinate phat bammer swagger shooting stance while providing suppressive fire.
Note : this is the first photograph obtained by Western intelligence showing evidence that the latest issue combat flip flops urban are now on general issue
Immediate actions if caught in the open during a firefight, will include shouting Yo yo yo , fo shizzle
or adopting the effective hangin wit mee homies firing stance
When moving to the assult phase, war cries are likely to include the much feared gonna cap yo ass nigga
& the ultilising specialists trained in the close quarters use of the feared Ken Dodd-tickling stick-Uzi combo
The nautical theme is ever popular as is seen by this militiaman wearing a stylish Kapok life jacket. It wont stop a bullet but it sure looks Boo-yaa!
Company support arms are frequently deployed at platoon level. Counter armour capability is provided by RPG teams. Adopting the Phat Batman Begins firing position is a new innovation but its bitchin hot, oh yeahhhh!
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Intervention of Fighter Ground Attack is countered by AAA specialists as is shown here, adopting the homeless street person anti-aircraft position with great precision.
This gun team demonstrates the proper way to providing support fire in the light role utilising the non-aiming duck-walk method, keeping at least five feet of link trailing from the weapon at any given time. Note the suitably awe-struck look on the faces of the onlooking posse respec.
DISCLAIMER: Any similarities to rap stars, hippty hop hop practitioners & gangstas of all races, ethnic origins & religions, living or dead, is purely intentional.
P.S: the comments section is worth a read - living proof that moonbats can sort of type
October 4, 2007
"RAF jet dropped bomb by accident"
The RAF has launched an investigation after a jet accidentally dropped a 14kg bomb
A spokesman for RAF Lossiemouth said
Incidents like this are extremely rare as certainly on operations, our aircrews rarely leave their air-conditioned hotel rooms