Matter resolved. Mrs (not accepting any of this feminist nonense, she has a child so must be married) Kelly and her son have now been fed to the ducks.

OK, I can't let this one pass since a cherished memory is my mom taking me to feed the ducks at the park as a nipper.

Why, in the name of &diety, is it illegal to feed waterfowl in a public park? It attracts too many of them and they and their droppings become a nuisance and a health problem? OK, I can see the logic behind that, if that is the reason(the idea that a few crusts of stale bread, some seeds or corn kernals thrown on the lawn or in pond - and quickly gobbled up if British birds are anything like American -
is "littering" is ludicrous).

but, But, BUT - we are never told if that is indeed teh reason. It seems to have ocurred neither the reporter nor anyone else to question the basic sanity of the law itself and find out just why such a regulation exists. If I was the editor, I'd want my readers to know wny such a law was on the books - if nothing else so the taxpayers get to see what their elected representatives are doing while in office.

That no one has done so shows how far we are sunk when such a regulation is accepted without question "just beacuse" the self-appointed philosopher-kings(to use Plato's apt phrase)who have decided they are best suited to rule over us and that set themselves up to rule on the smallest details of public and private life have decided that it is best course for the common herd?

Of course, if too many waterfowl is the problem, I am sure the FMFT community knows a way to cut down the numbers. Perhaps we should offer our services. Goose for the Holidays, anyone?

Col Beausaber (whose feathers have clearly been fuffled)

Sandwell Council, my first dungeon custemers.... playtime!
Uniform requisition, sir...... one full length leather apron please..... and equipment; one high pressure water hose with a variety of nozzles please....
Christmas has come early this year!

This bit of news has inspired me! The Sandwell Council has provided me with a "Saul on the Road to Damascus" moment. I know what job I desire come The Glorious Day!

Sir, with greatest respect, I would like to be "Chief Recruitment Officer for the Department of Involuntary Organ Donation."

There is a horrible imbalance in modern society. On the one hand we fine and upstanding members of society who's brains are filled with vital knowledge and the skills required to make our society work, but who, simply because they have enjoyed some of the finer things in life, find themselves with hearts clogged with beef fat, lungs distressed by cigar smoke,livers worn out by find single malt, and in some cases venerial disorders of the most delicate sort.

On the other hand we have perfectly healthy bodies, with perfectly healthy lungs, livers, and cardio-vascular systems, walking around supporting brains that are clearly non-functional, as for example, those of the Sandwell Council and the officer concerned in this case.

I propose to rectify this imbalance through an agressive system of tranplantation, leveraging our national cardio-pulmonary resources so that they are used to support the best brains our nation has to offer. Why are wasting young healthy livers, lungs and hearts on bureaucrats, and Chavs with ASBO's when those very same biological resources could be mined, redistributed, and exploited to the fullest; giving our nation the competitive advantage it needs to excell in todays modern world?

As a child in the late 40s, early 50s, I remember walking through Lincoln Park with my Grandfather, on the way to the zoo. Gramps would buy a bag of peanuts from a pushcart vendor (I remember they were warm), and we were surrounded by squirrels. They would eat the nuts out of my hand.

Vis-a-vis the lady fined for feeding ducks, I think I may have a solution ...

Liberals, statists, socialists, communists - stone quarries and belt fed machine guns.

When uppity warden bothers nice lady and child for feeding the ducks, he needs to, as some of our countrymen of Italian ancestry put it, "feed the fishes."

I was hoping that this story was merely a canard. Now that it has been verified, it is no longer possible to duck this issue. Come der tag, the responsibility for this outrage aginst freedom will be placed on that warden's bill.

I'm on the other side of the pond, or I'd likely want to be the Minister for Appropriate Bureaucratic Terminations.

"I won't be going back to that park again."

Presumably, since patrons are stalked by an agent of the state, the place in question is a publicly-owned property. I assume Ms. Kelly will therefore be receiving a tax rebate for the unused portion of her park.

Speaking as an intelligent and rational human being I have to ask: How can it be considered littering when the ducks were eating the bread?

Sandwell Council, which at first defended the action, said it was now taking a "commonsense" approach. Once again as an intelligent and rational human being one might assume that this meant the council will be issuing a grovelling apology before sacking the twat of a warden. Sadly Sandwell's definition of "commonsense" is to say it will be erecting signs forbidding people from feeding the ducks outside designated feeding areas.

If this is commonsense then I'm dropping the intelligent and rational guise. It's seriously time to go Nogbad on these numpties.

But before I do, as Minister for Procuring and Pandering-in-waiting I'd just like to say that Mrs Kelly meets the initial criteria for selection as a handmaiden for politburo members.

Blimey - he's keen! But I wonder would he have been quite as keen if it was three or four yobs out of their tiny minds on Braindead White or whatever & chucking stuff about? Or would it coincide with a rather long break in the Doggers Arms & two or three pints of foaming?

May I humbly request a posting to the Ministry Of Podiatric-Suppository Administrations. I am sopecifically interested as a posting as an agent, my place is on the beat, leave administration to others. As the bearer of a size 13-wide (Murkin)I feel that I am rather qualified for such a posting. I am confident in my ability to sink afformentioned 13 ankle deep into the warden's hindquarter with the aid if a steel-toe boot. I shall then follow protocol and turn the warden over to the Department of Involuntary Organ Donation. If your budget is tight from all of the recent uniform requests, I will be more than happy to supply my own footwear, but will still require a jacket with the appropriate eppaulettes.

Ah, sod it. Just off their heads and dispose of their organs as Brendan has suggested, so some good might come of this whole sorry affair.

I have no more patience for this fucking nonsense, anymore.

How can you be fined for littering with a biodegradable substance?

If the ducks ate the bread, there's no litter. Demand in court that the prosecutor produce the evidence!

They should jail the ducks for obstruction of justice. They should fine the ducks for littering when they eject the bread from the other end.

Sentence: capital punishment - on my plate next to mashed potatoes and green beans with a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Who cares? She's crumpet.

Mr du Toit,

You once had patience for this sort of nonsense? I bow before your superior forebearance.