Scousers & grain trailers
As I alluded to yesterday, your humble correspondent has been upsetting quite a few people recently & that excludes the current Mrs FM who at the best of times finds me irritating & most of the time, much much worse.
However a swift review of my inbox seems to indicate that over the last six weeks I have been reported to our local Social Services Department, some Islamic Court in Saudi Arabia that apparently now has jurisdiction over once Great Britain, the Racial Equality Commission, that perma-tanned paddy that presents The One Show with Adrian ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ Chiles & our local Environmental Health Officer who is kicking up a stink about the stink emanating from that freshly dug trench in the top paddock. I have been at considerably pains to point out that my new errrrrrrr land drain & the sudden disappearance of the irritating crusty that sells copies of the Big Issue outside the Co-op are completely coincidental & unrelated ... as is the lack of recent badger sightings in about a five mile radius. Whilst the Vale has seen a sudden drop in the number of incidents of bovine tuberculosis, this is regarded by most of our local vets as catastrophic to their Tuscan villa purchase plans.
Then there is the small matter of the scousers that I alluded to yesterday. Aside from the penchant to manmade fibres & getting utterly traumatised by Stupid 1 & Stupid 2 (see posts passim) going to say hello – yet another threat of litigation is currently awaited from where there’s blame, there’s a claim, sue’em & see, no win no fee pondlife solicitors. This would of course be as bigger error than that nice Mr Hitler asking if anyone fancied a trip to Moscow, but not as big an error as the nylon clad ones actually made of Sunday.
When you are a long way from home & in the middle of nowhere, prudence normally dictates that you don’t start gobbing off at the locals because it generally doesn’t end terribly well. In all fairness quite how they managed to get their car quite so far up a byway is testament to both their obvious skill behind the wheel & 12 pack of Donner und Blitzen Monster Get P*ssed Fast Lager.
Now when I say car, normally I mean a car. In this instance I mean no tax, no MOT, lowered suspension & those chavvie exhaust pipes that scrape along the road...probably because the rear axle is overloaded by the sheer number & weight of speakers that now fill the space that was once occupied by the parcel shelf & a profusion of cuddly toys – sorry officer, I didn’t see your lights because my rear view is completely obscured by a three foot teddy bear, resplendent in this seasons Liverpool Football Club strip.
Anyway, getting that probably nicked car up the byway was one thing, getting it out again when someone has dropped a grain trailer, one of the larger ones, across the entrance was quite another
Comments
Shame the trailer didn't drop right on them.
Posted by: Mant on a rant | August 26, 2009 7:22 AM
Can we assume that said low little car will accidentally be raked by gunfire during a manly attempt to reduce the number of scavengers?
Posted by: Curtis | August 27, 2009 12:42 AM