Jokes: Italian jokes, Scouse jokes, Thai jokes. We have the lot
For your Friday morning delectation...
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: 'Father .... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
'Should I tell her the war is over?’
A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids... 'WOW!' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they all yours?'
'Yeah, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down, Terry.' All the children rush to find seats.
'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign on. I'll need all your children's names.'
'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'
'OK, and who's next?'
'Well, this one - he is Terry, also.'
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues, one by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker, 'I'm seeing a pattern here.'
'Are they all named Terri?'
Their mother replied, 'Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, Terry an’when it's time for dinner, I just yell, Terry an' they all come runnin', like. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell, Terry and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry ..'
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'
'I call them by their surnames!'
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A man is in bed with his Thai-girlfriend. After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his dangly bit, something she had lovingly done on many occasions. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her: 'why do you love doing that?’
She replies: 'Because I really miss mine...'
Comments
To: John Hinckley
From: Kim du Toit
My wife and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a non partisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.
My wife Connie and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.
Best Wishes,
Kim and Connie du Toit
PS: While you have been incarcerated, a guy from Chicago named Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. Just thought you should know.
Posted by: Kim du Toit | March 27, 2009 4:36 PM
A young lad was told he should pray for a sick aunt's health, and did so at bedtime, in front of his parents. That aunt died in her sleep that night.
A few months later, an uncle was sick, so the child prayed for him as well, and yet again, the subject of those prayers died in his sleep.
The child's parents ordered the child to stop praying for sick relatives ... the child reluctantly agreed. And then Daddy got sick ... they tried to make it clear to the child that they should absolutely not be prayed for ... that god will make the decision. Despite this, long after bedtime, the child prayed of the health of both Daddy and Mommy.
They both stayed up that night, and lived through it ... and sent the child to school, and went about their business that day in relief.
The next night, they went to bed, and Daddy overslept from the missed sleep. He got up, left the bedroom, and discovered dead bodies of his wife, and the mailman out in the living room.
After sorting things out with the police ( this took a while, of course ), he then told his son "I have some sick people in congress that I would like you to pray for ..."
Posted by: Kristopher | March 27, 2009 6:51 PM
The confessional one reminded me of this story....
An old old man walks into a confessional and says "Father, I have been married and faithful to the same woman for 60 years...until yesterday...I had sex with two teenaged girls at the same time".
"Oh my" the Priest says "How long has it been since your last confession?"
"Confession? Never" the old man replies, "I'm Jewish"
"Then what are you telling me for!?!" the Priest exclaims.
The old man says "Are you kidding me? I'm telling EVERY body".
Posted by: Stan (the former New American Revolutionist blogger) | March 29, 2009 4:22 PM
Stan - welcome back. Its been some time! Pip pip
Posted by: Mr Free Market | March 29, 2009 4:42 PM