This morning dear readers it is with sadness that I have to report the death of David Evans, the former Conservative MP for Welwyn Garden City & Hatfield. Now regulars will know that I have little time for nearly any politican you care to mention whatever their hue. However Evans was one of those deliciously rare exceptions & even the disgustingly lefy Gruiard had to conclude

Scarcely any Guardian or Independent article involving David Evans, former Tory MP … failed to mention his car-salesman's accent, a sound to chill the blood of any liberal

Now just how badly do you want an epitaph like that? As his obit in the Torygraph goes on to explain

To say that Evans was a man of strong views would be to understate the case. There was probably no one more contemptuous of the wiles of the spin doctor or of the whispered back-stabbing in the corridors of Westminster: a classic grass-roots Conservative, Evans said what he thought, in plain terms, without fear and damn the consequences.

"Do-gooding" liberals, teenage thugs, proselytising homosexuals, and those among the unemployed who showed no diligence in looking for work were among those who felt the lash of his tongue.

Lets just pause for a moment to let the wild cheering subside before going further. Decorum restored? OK lets continue…

He once remarked: "I am a Right-wing disciplinarian. I do not trust Russians. The more nuclear weapons the better." He supported the return of capital punishment, and declared that the way to deal with rapists was to castrate them.

On one occasion he derided the (female) Labour candidate in his constituency because she lived with a boyfriend and "three bastard children", and had never done a proper job. His thoughts on the environment were unequivocal: "I'm more concerned about litter in Parliament Square than the ozone layer."

I know I know. This man’s face should be on every banknote & there should be a national holiday established in his honour, but there is yet more…

he told the European Commission to "get stuffed", advocated the hanging of murderers, opposed abortion, and said of football hooligans, "Give'em scars for the rest of the lives". As the commentator Simon Heffer once observed, he was "famed for his view that the cat o' nine tails is the progressive answer to football hooligans."

Excuse me, I think I need to go & compose myself in a darkened room. But before Nursie gives me my medication, I will leave you with this parting thought; in the place of this staunch Thatcherite, who do we have these days? The answer is sadly, Dave & George. We as a nation are so completely & utterly doomed.