Fat: Replaced with "enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance"
"COR!" gasped Billy Bunter, his eyes gleaming greedily. "I must be dreaming!" He stared again at the notice in the baker's shop window.
“GRAND PIE-EATING CONTEST," it read." TEN POUNDS FIRST PRIZE FOR THE LADY OR GENTLEMAN EATING THE GREATEST NUMBER OF OUR SUPER HOME-BAKED PORK PIES. TONIGHT! ALL WELCOME! ENTRY FREE!"," I bet it's some rotten twist," thought Bunter." They'd be barmy to let anyone go in there and scoff all their' pies for nothing. I bet it's against the law to put up notices like that when they don't mean it!”
The Fat Owl of Greyfriars School pushed open the shop door and hurried inside. “Good morning, What can I get for you, sir?" asked the assistant. “Cakes? Bread? Rolls?"." I wanna free pie," said Billy. “I wanna enter that pie-eating contest. Better give me half a dozen pies. I'm a bit peckish!"
According to Ingsoc & their apparatchiks at the Ministry of Truth, it is now crimethink to use the “o-word"
Parents of primary schoolchildren will start getting letters next month telling them how fat their children are under Government plans to tackle childhood obesity. But however much they weigh, no child will ever be described as “obese”.
The Department of Health faced criticism yesterday for a “prissy” approach to tackling obesity after it said that it did not want the term “obese” included in the letters.
The department said that research had shown that the term was a turn-off, so instead it will use the term “very overweight” for those children whose body mass index exceeds 30, in an attempt to enlist parents’ support.
It also is now doubleungood to use the “e-word”
Among other forbidden words is “exercise”. Will Cavendish, director of health and wellbeing at the department, said that this, too, conveyed an unhelpful image to parents. Being “physically active” is preferred.
If you ban exercise, is it any wonder that children end up as lard arsed woddle bottomed biscuit boys. Oooooooooooophs, that’s gender specific …. also a thoughtcrime in this absurd poxy country
Comments
Sheesh. There's no such word as "doubleungood". The correct versions are:
ungood
plusungood
doubleplusungood
Things have come to a pretty pass when a colonial has to lecture a comrade from Airstrip One about language and grammar.
Posted by: Kim du Toit | August 5, 2008 4:59 PM
I guess the use of the term "lard-arse" is completely out of the question.
/fat Owl of Greyfriars School, indeed!
Posted by: Bomber Harris | August 5, 2008 5:28 PM
The Department of Health, could save itself & its customers (NOTE: in the U.K we're all customers) a super tanker of tax payers money ( Yes, I do realise, Fat people do pay taxes ) by recommending, that at least a third of the British population, gets up off its bum, eats less food and does more exercise? That will basically do the trick. But, unfortunately - we are a Nation, which knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. We've lost the ability, to fathom the difference between want & need. So being fat, ( excluding the minute percentage of folk who do genuinely have a 'Health Problem' ) is another Health & Safety excuse, for doing nothing. Eat when you’re not hungry, drink when you’re not thirsty. A Fat Nation, dressed in mandatory high-viz jackets, obsessed with what - might/could happen if only a few more calories were burned off? The generation which orders up a double King-size burger, with cheese, bacon & large fries, B.O.G.O.F “Would you like a diet Coke with that - to go?!” ................. he, he, he.......... I’m such a hypocritic!
Weird Al Yankovic's spoof song, could be our new National Anthem......
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Posted by: SeanS | August 5, 2008 7:56 PM