Oh lorks-o-lordy, today is local election day. To say that I am currently feeling detacthed from the political process would be something of an understatement. Indeed, ever since Mrs FM subjected our local Lib-Dem candidate to a few hours of waterboarding, word seemed to have got out amoungst the canvasing community that ours was one farm to be avoided if you didn’t want of enjoy the full Fritzl expirence.

Actually, I don’t care if that b*stard Brown is going to take a shoeing

Gordon Brown faces the first electoral test of his premiership today, with Labour chiefs braced for the party’s worst showing at the polls in a generation. Ministers fear the loss of London and scores of council seats across the country as voters cast the first ballots since Mr Brown was anointed Prime Minister and ducked an early general election. Labour strategists fear that the party could record its lowest share of the vote in local elections since the 1970s, falling as low as 25 per cent and finishing third behind the Tories and Liberal Democrats - a humiliation for Mr Brown.

Or if Mr Never Done A Real Days Work In His Life Cameroon (who incidentally is to the left of Brown on a number of topics) gets more seats on the Parish Council or whatever we a supposed to be voting on

Gains of 200 seats in today's local elections and a victory for Boris Johnson in the London mayoral contest would enable him to claim the Conservative party's most important breakthrough while in opposition. Mr Cameron is looking for the Tories to record more than 40 per cent of the vote – a share which could see the party elected to Government if repeated at a general election.

In London, the choice is even more unappealing: you can vote for Red Ken (the corrupt one), Boris (big on amusement value & that’s about it) & then there’s the other one. Frankly, the London electorate get more choice down at the Golden Arches.

It doesn’t really matter where which end of the political spectrum that you look at, nowhere can you find a commitment to low taxes & individual freedoms. In fact these days candidates of every shade seem to want to claim bragging rights for how much their respective parties are going to spend. That’s why I have a large flask of coffee & some sandwiches made up …