I never bother washing mine either
Clarkson on the subject of washing cars
Last weekend, I was driving through one of those junior executive, Tory stronghold housing estates – the sort where they have wife-swapping parties every Thursday at No 22 and everyone has baggy-knicker curtains. And I was staggered because just about every single man was out on his drive washing the car.
What a meaningless way of passing the time. You don’t wash your vacuum cleaner or your television set, you have a machine to wash the dishes and you employ a man to clean your windows. So how much do you have to hate the sight of your wife and children before you think, “I’d rather go outside into the cold and spend a couple of hours burnishing my wheel nuts”?
I am aware, of course, that many men do hate the sight of their wife and children. Doctors even have a name for these people: “anglers”. But even the concept of sitting in the drizzle by a canal for six hours and then throwing everything you catch back into the water is not as daft as washing a car.
First of all, it’s very hard work. You have to do all the exercises favoured by homosexuals in gyms. Bending over, stretching, rubbing. But at least when homosexuals finish, they have glistening, toned bodies that make them look good. You? You’re just going to put your back out. And the more you clean, the more you’ll notice is dirty. If you’re not careful you’ll end up polishing the inside of the tyre valves and then not wanting to use your car if it’s raining.
This behaviour is called “being a concours enthusiast” and it’s very dangerous. Many “concours enthusiasts” go on to be murderers.
Comments
Quite right too JC, in fact when my car gets work done on it they offer to plough the inside and outside rather than to Valet it. Waste of money, I have even convinced the wife that AWD means always dirty.
I never understood the Army's fascination for cleaning camouflaged landrovers that would be dirty next week!
Posted by: TimC | March 19, 2008 9:32 AM
Whenever I take my car to a garage, the mechanics put plastic covers on the seat to avoid dirtying themselves...... so hurtful a practice to drivers who like a 'lived in' feel to our vehicles..
Posted by: haddock | March 19, 2008 11:03 AM
Why wash it we get enough rain in the UK dont we
about twice a year i take mine to a place that does a good hand wash for about £6.00 thats good enough for me.
Posted by: ajdshootist | March 19, 2008 11:33 AM
Pa Remittance uses a place run by Polish fellows. For the price of a pint a small platoon of them descend upon his motor and have it looking new pin shiny in what seems like seconds.
Out here in the colonies I simply park the car under the tree near the standpipe and leave Mzi to get on with it. Of course this usually means giving up any plans for travel that day, but if I ever need an excuse to sit upon the stoep drinking, "washing the car" is one of the better ones.
Posted by: The Remittance Man | March 19, 2008 2:01 PM
Here in the sunny state of Minnesnowta (just below Canada), our highway department has the habit of spreading salt on the roads as if they were preserving a slab of beef. If left unwashed, the sheet metal on cars soon starts to resemble a lacy curtain.
On the other hand, we also have these amazing places called a "car wash", where automated machines will suds, rinse, and dry your vehicle, all while you remain safely ensconced within. Stunning display of (1950's) technology. They often give away a car wash with a fill of that expensive "petrol" stuff around here.
Posted by: Blackwing1 | March 19, 2008 5:55 PM
I forgot to mention...we basically go for about 5 months without any rain. Anything that falls from the sky composed of water is usually in a peculiar solid form, due to freezing.
Posted by: Blackwing1 | March 19, 2008 5:58 PM
Because of all the prepubescent Eco-crapola and "Enviro-sensitive" stupidity that Green'tards have initiated, to placate the Gaia-Planet-morons the brain-dead Government has put in place further asaninity which includes interfering with the paint that is used to color vehicles. It's volatiles are far less volatile and its organics less organic - and its subsequent resistance to a good, acid-based pigeon dropping has been reduced to nil, and the thin Chinese Metal used in vehicle production is prone to quickly rusting-away.
To compensate for the lack of organics and volatiles that Nature intended and the Eco-Loons removed, I like to wash my car with hot running water and decidedly non eco-friendly soap (that runs into the Bay) and spray it down liberally with acid-rain producing chemicals in order to restore the missing chlorofluorocarbon-balance to the Environment while making as big a carbon footprint as I can - or bigger. We all have to do our part, even in small ways.
Posted by: DirtCrashr | March 19, 2008 6:06 PM
oooohh.... I do like Clarkson, but I'm not with him on this as you well know!!! Very theraputic washing cars - in fact I was hoping to do a couple today, but sadly the weather is against us. Drat.
Posted by: Tricky | March 23, 2008 10:16 AM
You mean people wash their own cars? a few dollars to the kid next door and all is shiny enough for the boss to adjust his tie in the reflection. Gotta keep up the standards with company vehicles.
Posted by: Rhys | March 25, 2008 11:08 AM