Polonium & Politicians
So, a former commie spy gives another former commie spy a doggy cup of tea & a few days later we go one light in the trench coat / snap brim fedora department. The problem with that it what exactly? After all, tea that actually glows in the dark is only a few more points up the Socrates scale than Cadbury’s have been serving up in their Fruit & Salmonella bars recently - now that hasn’t caused a diplomatic crisis, although I saw on the evening news that m’learned friends are starting to mutter their time honoured mantra of ‘class action’ in the same way that horse flies are drawn to a fresh cow pat but then again when it comes to lawyers, yes, sh1t sticks.
Anyway, just for a moment yesterday, Westminster was rocked – the members bar where our diligent MPs drink diligently, emptied for at least 5 minutes or so to hear the startling news that Comrade Gordonski Brown’s Central Committee was announcing policy in direct contravention of their own guidelines on how to spin. Yes that’s right, the Foreign & Commonwealth Office announced that it was expelling four Russian diplomats. As Tax & Waste watchers of old will know, any announcement that the Goblin King wants to make is normally articulated not by the department concerned but via his #1 bitch, Ed Balls.
Now aside from having a 100% completely comedy surname (snerk), Balls is noted for only making policy statements in Blighty’s last bastion of political integrity, the home of high brow debate where government announcements are exposed to forensically thorough analysis … the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation’s breakfast TV programme. So to actually hear policy announced in something approaching a proper fashion is completely newsworthy in itself. Little wonder that the Right Honourable gentlemen found the time to drag themselves away from their taxpayer subsidised bar, behaviour that is normally only reserved for when they need to put in the next inflated personal expenses claim.
However, the action being taken by the FCO isn’t that remarkable … not four Rooooooskis being kicked out – what the bally hell do they care? In any case, Vald’s entire embassy staff have already naffed ‘orf to St Trop for the summer & are not due back this side of the second week of September. Indeed, the cynic inside me says that this whole diplomatic incident has been perpetrated by dark forces from deep within the bowls of the British Embassy in Moscow i.e. disaffected SIS staff who are hoping to get sent home during the mandatory tit-for-tat expulsions. Seriously dear readers, as conspiracy theories go that’s a lot more plausible than the tripe that the greasy grocer of Knightsbridge has been peddling for that last ten years.
In fact, in similar vein, its not too improbable to assert that the whole thing is a giant plot probably being perpetrated by eco-fascist FCO boss, the uber-numpty Millibland. No longer being able to harangue us about carbon footprints from the back seat of his chauffer driven ministerial car, he is doing his best to reduce Albion’s CO2 emissions by getting Putin to withhold the UKs gas supplies. Just remember, last week the tofu munchers we arguing that African babies we were more co-friendly that western babies because errrrrrrrrr they die sooner or something like that. Frankly, it’s the Greens in Westminster that we should be purging. As for the Reds under the bed, there are fine & dandy, just keep them away from the kettle.
Comments
I want one of those mugs.
Posted by: Kim du Toit | July 19, 2007 8:05 AM