Boots
It isn’t without considerable horror that I read this piece ( via Maggies Farm ) about the latest craze to hit the burgeoning ranks of fashion victims out there …
It is 8 o'clock on a serene blue morning in Beverly Hills and Dr Ali Sadrieh, a podiatrist, has just performed a 45-minute operation on a client, cutting a section of bone out of her toe to shorten it. She was awake during surgery, watching a film; next week Sadrieh will do the same thing to the second toe on the other foot. There was nothing medically wrong with the toes, but his patient didn't like the way they protruded over the lip of her high-heeled Manolo Blahniks.
Having operations on your feet so that they fit into this seasons ‘must have’ absurd & potentially hazardous pair of Jimmy Choo’s is not only ludicrous but also adds weight to Mrs FM’s argument that women this stupid should be kept bare foot, pregnant & chained to the Aga. As a little benchmark mark for y’all here, the War Office has long held that any shoes you can’t drive a Landrover in, quite rightly belong in the dustbin.
Happily dear readers & as you might have guessed, we have no such issues at Free Market Towers as anyone who has tried to get through the front door can testify to. The porch is occupied by a mountain of wellies, boots, riding hats, dog leads, cricket bats, shooting sticks & other miscellaneous stout footwear … which all, in a slightly contrived manner, brings us on to our topic for this morning with is your humble correspondents impending footwear crisis.
Thinking about it, when we returned from Asia (10 years ago), I must have gone out & bought myself new pairs of wellies & Karrimor KSBs. Over the last decade both have seen sterling service but a bit like their owner, they are now pretty much shagged out. In fact the wellies now have so many leaks that on Saturday night I walked into the grain store, only to find them holding their own ‘confidential press briefing’ & as for my beloved KSBs, the soles are pretty much shot & the stitching is coming apart faster than Nu-Liebour’s immigration policy.
Now I do recognise that I am being a complete old git about this, but 10 years isn’t a long time & I actually resent have to go out & buy replacements. This sort of kit is supposed to last a lifetime & whilst inputting my lifestyle to English Standard Life Tables No.14, I mightn’t have long to go – this stuff should outlast me, not fall apart like my liver has. Yes, I know that we now live in a throw away culture but I really had expected better from Messers Hunter & Karrimor - in proper sporting terms, a decade is the mere blink of an eye.
Of course, technology has moved on & I now have the perfect excuse to go & buy the latest pair of Danner go-fasta oki-cokie 2.5 GTIs but frankly, some of this footwear looks like something out of a Goth fetishists jazz mag. I just want a pair of boots & a pair of boots that will last. No, I am not going to go extreme ironing in the Karakoram Valley & I wont we buying a pair of the Scott of the Antarctic limited edition Yeti Trog gaiters. The old ones that I forgot to give back to the QM do nicely thank you. At least they still work … well sort of.
& it’s the same with Wellingtons. I’d like a pair of Wellingtons please, not something that will entail me taking on similar levels of debt to Brazil – unless of course they are lined with the hide of an endangered species, in which case, I will have 4 brace. Why do I want wellies that are technically advanced & hand-crafted 100% in natural rubber? Forgoddnessake, the Iron Duke must be turning in his grave at the very thought of it. The next thing is that they will be saying they are snake bite proof ... which is very useful in Wiltshire.
I just want a couple of pairs of boots that are comfortable, keep my feet dry, warm, don't cost the earth & last. Thats not too much to ask, is it?
Comments
allways tickles me, I go into a builders merchant and buy a pair of wellies for work, steel toe-caps, steel mid-sole, and get change from a tenner. Go next door into the “Landed Gentry Emporium” and for something in a fetching shade of green seemingly made by Durex and I’d be lucky to get change from forty.
Posted by: Amicus | June 26, 2007 2:42 PM
To Mrs. FM:
I'm sorry, but I must humbly disagree with your statement that, "women this stupid should be kept bare foot, pregnant & chained to the Aga".
Do we really want women that stupid passing those genes through our population?
Posted by: Blackwing1 | June 26, 2007 6:03 PM
May I remind you of my comment to your previous, Glastonbury post.
Any boot capable of surviving a year of nine hour days attached to a machine boy's foot down t'pit must have some pretty good wearing qualities. Not to mention resistance to noxious chemical and biological agents.
Posted by: The Remittance Man | June 26, 2007 7:11 PM
I bought my hunters in twenty five years ago or more. they are only just beginning to perish. i'm sure they don't get the wear and tear yours do but still pretty good.
Posted by: bill | June 26, 2007 8:39 PM
Blackwing 1 - I hear what you are saying however I am certainly not brave enough to point out the flaw in her logic!
Posted by: Mr Free Market | June 26, 2007 9:16 PM
I second Blackwing1, chained to the aga maybe, but given an operation first.
As to boots, i bought a pair of wellies 4 years back, and replaced them this year. the replacements from a cheaper lower spec ine cost more that they did back then! Someone needs to pack gunpowder under parliment (any parliment) to stop ALL inflation and CPI increases. >:}
Posted by: Rhys | June 27, 2007 9:03 AM
Ah, Danner.
I bought a pair in '68 just prior to joining up. Eventually I got to places where I could wear them in lieu of issue.
They took some hard knocks and lasted me another 30 years. Finally they just literally rotted away. They are buried out with the gerbils, cats, assorted pets, etc in the back of the yard.
Haven't had a pair as good since...even Danners.
Posted by: trainer | June 27, 2007 5:54 PM
I have been a fan of Sorels (American for Wellies) for many a year. Because sorels are predominantly foul weather gear, mine only get used while hunting, so they've lasted fifteen years or more; even when they fail, it's usually the rubber letting go of the leather uppers.
http://www.sorel.com/
Posted by: og | June 28, 2007 4:03 AM
She has read the wrong sort of fairy tales. Either that or she is a descendent of one of Cinderella's ugly stepsisters...come to think of it, why else would she be in Beverly Hills? All that plastic surgery?
I agree. Time to chlorinate the gene pool.
Posted by: Cricket | June 29, 2007 5:27 AM