Just picking up from a couple of themes over the last few days (soccer & scoff), every time that I see a headline that crows about England's (so called) soccer heroes, the red mists descend. Heroism is something that that rabble of inarticulate foul mouthed preening pooftah pondlife know nothing about. As if by contrast, most days in the On This Day section there are tales of real men performing deeds of real heroism. In fact, aside from summoning the courage to confess my latest transgressions to Mrs FM & making a few heroic assumptions that various of my financial models contain ...& that's about it really.

Consequently, in a vainglorious effort to enliven our otherwise damp & dreary existences, we set ourselves artificial challenges. My most recent one, on my doctors instructions was to try & stay sober for three consecutive days - a feat that I don't suppose that I have managed for the best part of twenty years. Others jump out of planes or indulge in extreme ironing. For some it's the challenge of the kitchen - & I don't just mean cleaning it.

Eschewing healthy eating TV cookies, these gentlemen contrived to come up with a very respectable 8,500 calorie sandwich. Just the very thought of it should make your aorta start to harden.

However, the season of glutony is upon us & a skinny 8,500 cals ... someone was going to go one better, as is the very nature of these things it was only going to push the boundaries of what is possible. Therefore behold the 30,000 cal sandwich

We are not worthy!