Of beer, the boring Belgians & Australia
Lets be honest here dear readers, Belgium’s contribution to Western civilisation? Any takers? Do I have an any advance on strawberry flavoured beer? No? Didn’t think so. Well in my next incarnation I want to be Alcohol consumption analyst at Wollongong University so that I can wage a brutal & unremitting campaign against such a freak of nature concoction, but more of that, lower down the page.
But now, the boring Belgian’s (whose sole export is a fat detective invented by an English author) have taken another step towards Planet Absurd by banning their boy scouts from killing chickens to eat, while learning about wilderness survival, probably because under EU animal welfare regulations, chickens have rights as well; don't they?
The Scout group concerned is quoted as saying that,
"these kids have to be taught how to kill an animal in order to feed themselves".
which strikes your humble correspondent as reasonably plausible. However, the Health Ministry
took the view that the Scouts learnt nothing from using animals in this way,
because meat comes hermetically sealed & sanitised in supermarket packaging, doesn’t it dear readers? I somehow feel assured that the same Heath Ministry thinks that ‘the food chain’ is a fast food franchise. (Looks like Alice Cooper won’t be very welcome!)
So, for transcendental nangerdom, my I humbly suggest that in the Venn Diagram of Life we consign the entire Belgium nation to that circle that is currently occupied by Balkan genocidial maniacs, rapists …& lawyers.
Staying on our theme of beer (& the Low Countries), in figures released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics yesterday, it seems that ‘Bluey’, who once couldn’t give a XXXX for anything else, is now drinking more … wait for it … wine & alcopops. What! Surely those are Sheila’s drinks?
According to Alcohol consumption analyst Sandra Jones from Wollongong University (I want her job) beer is under threat on two fronts, with older Australians now
drinking more wine and younger Australians turning away from beer in favour of pre-mixed spirit drinks.
In fact things have got so bad that even the Fosters website informs us that the Aussies are now drinking less beer than the boxheads, paddy’s, stout bulldogs & wait for it … the Luxembourgeois!
Excuse me while I check the catheter on my colostomy bag because upon reading that, it was put under extreme stress. Australia, drinking less beer than Luxembourg – the heroes of the ANZAC division must we turning in their graves at the very thought of that. They fought & whipped the Jap at bayonet point through the jungles of South East Asia to produce a nation that is worried if that bottle of white is chilled enough. No more ‘Sydney or the bush’, no more Bush Tucker Man!
So the next time some digger starts banging on about the amber nectar, just remind him that a load of euro-centric girly men that drive on the wrong side of the road drink more beer than the ‘ockers … which is maybe why they drive on the wrong side of the road in Luxembourg.
Comments
Yes, things are crook here in Oz, my wife's even taken to swigging Coronas instead of the normal VB, West End etc. Still, most of those "pre-mixed spirit drinks" the young are into these days are cans of Bundy and coke, and boy, do they knock it back! Hopefully on a per capita total alcohol consumption scale we're still in our rightful place!
Posted by: Skippy | June 28, 2005 11:29 AM
When I took my scouts on survival training they went to do the Royal Navy Aircrew course - not much too eat except rabbits & chickens. They learnt to run from alsatians and hide out from marines who were sent hunting for them. Teach 'em young was my mantra!
Posted by: hugh | June 28, 2005 1:45 PM
If you were an alcohol consumption analyst wouldn't that skew your own data.Sort of like a barber trying to cut his own hair.
Posted by: John Davies | June 28, 2005 8:26 PM
Is it still true that Aussies consume less alcohol in the month of February than any other?
Curious in US.
Posted by: Hog Whitman | June 28, 2005 10:46 PM
Hmm... no more killign chickens? then take them along to the SPCA and have them help the staff put down the cats and dogs, then they can learn how to serve chinese food... cant be any worse than what you get in the takeaways themselves :D
Posted by: Rhys | June 29, 2005 3:11 AM
Is it still true that Aussies consume less alcohol in the month of February than any other?
I can say without any fear of contradiction that here in Perth where the Feb temperature reaches way over 40 deg C (that's 105 F) the consumption of beer in Feb is rather large.
Posted by: Oubaas | June 29, 2005 8:51 AM
.. and I believe the Belgians are responsible for inventing chips or "Freedom Fries" - at least the Asterix books intimate as much.
Posted by: Oubaas | June 29, 2005 9:05 AM
Oh, I dunno. Doesn't FN still make some *nice* pieces?
Posted by: Justthisguy | June 30, 2005 8:29 AM
To Mr Free Market:
You must be a very miserable person to call fruity beers and Belgians boring. And you don't even show any respect towards the ANZAC soldiers who fought for your freedom too.
Have you ever been to Belgium? I wonder. Have you ever drunk a fruity beer? Yes get it right, these beers are called fruity beer, not flavoured beers. Drinking fruity beers is not about getting drunk, it's about enjoying a quality beer and taking your time to do so. Don't tell a story if you don't know anything about it.
Belgium's contribution to Western civilisation has been amazing. One of Belgium's neighbouring country is Germany, just so you know Mr Free Market. Belgium fought in WWI and WWII, and helped to get peace back in the world.
After WWII Belgium was one of the first countries to set up NATO which is still located in Brussels, that's the capital of Belgium!!
Belgium also invented the railway tracks. Yes Belgium had the first railway system in Western Europe. You probably didn't know that either!! There's also the steel production in Belgium which let to an indudustrial revolution. Shall I go on...
Drinving on the wrong side of the road? Australia is a much younger country than Belgium or Luxembourg. While Belgians had roads and cars and were driving on the right side of the road, Australia wasn't even on the map!! That says enough, so who is being different here?
It has been a pleasure explaining these things to you..
Posted by: Sofie | September 6, 2006 9:07 AM