Even if Geldork is St Toni’s new best friend, I frankly have no inclination to try & save Africa, the planet or the blue tongued skink, come to that. Bobby-boy, your first album was great – I should know, I am old enough to have bought it – everything you have done since has been a big smelly pile of poo! Since you gave up being a minstrel, you have cantered around the moral high ground, shouting from your hobby horse ‘give aid to Africa’. & to exactly what end? So that various dictators can boost BMW’s sales figures? Pah!

Sir B, would are directly contributing to a massive over spend on police budgets in Scotland – I feel sure that the Council Tax payers of Scotland will be wanting a little word with you, when they see their tax bills next year. You advocate children playing truant from school & I would just love to see how exactly little Johnny missing his maths class is going to save the starving?

Yet the liberal left & their chums in the meejar just love all of this – well bah humbug to the lot of you. The money that I wont give to your ludicrous appeal is exactly the same money that I didn’t give to surfers that lost their boards in the tsunami disaster – it will go, as ever into the Royal British Legion collecting tin for this reason as well as a lot of others….

It is my experience that if you are going to ask someone for money (& the same applies for bank mangers as the general public), you put a suit on, have a decent shave & comb your hair. It shows respect to your donators/lenders, if nothing else. Sitting there looking like a bag of b*llocks shouting to camera “just give us you f’ing money” impresses me not. Besides, BMW salesmen already make enough bonuses – the only thing that scruff bag will achieve with the money that is donated … is to fund his own immense ego.