An angry day
Aside from raging against the ignorant fools that inhabit government, today I am really angry. Angry, because even our Parish Council have allowed the Nanny state to slither into our village. Angry because as a result, I am having to go to the not inconsiderable trouble & expense of getting my lawnmower fitted with a V8 engine
One of the reasons that we live where we do is that it is a reasonably sensible part of the world. Down in these yerrrrrrrrr paaarrrts there is no such thing as a metrosexual, people drive 4x4s without feeling the need to seek the approbation of the you must cycle to school soccer mums mafia & people are pretty much allowed to live their lives as they see fit. Well, that is the way it was in our little village, until last week.
Returning home to Free Market Towers from a hard day grafting at the cold face of capitalism i.e. lounging around in a West End bar for the afternoon, your humble correspondent was greeted by the following little missive from the Parish Council…
It goes without saying dear readers that on Sunday afternoon, your humble correspondent was revving up that strimmer engine in an attempt to cause maximum offence to any idiot that has the temerity to try & mandate when I can or cannot mown my lawns. Now even I would tend to afree that breaking out your trusty old Suffolk Punch in the small hours, could be construed as a mite anti-social; but mowing your lawns on a Sunday afternoon?? – ferrrrrrrrchristsakes – its what the English do on a Sunday afternoon if they are not watching cricket! This isn’t a attempt to have a so-called quiet time, its an assault on our very way of life.
I will mow when I bl**dy well like & I don’t need the permission of anyone else, to do so. As soon as the mower’s new engine is fitted (Mrs FM is fabricating new mounting brackets out of the glacis plate of a Sherman tank she no longer uses), I am going to junk the manifold & fit a Yoshimura ‘devil’ pipe instead. Next Sunday, when I fire up ‘ole faithful’ at one o’clock exactly, I want it to sound just like the terrible day of judgement is starting to roll across the croquet lawn
I will finish now, before my head explodes, with a serious thought for you all. This is just another manifestation of the all pervasive desire that officialdom can seek to control every aspect of our lives ‘for the greater good’ – well b******s to you, Parish Councillors; Uncle FM (of Artic Convoy fame) didn’t lose fingers to frost bite as he depth charged U-boats for the country to come to this.
Comments
What a bunch of t*****s, both the idiot asking and the council for trying to grant. I hope they are a close neighbour and will be especially disturbed by your mower modifications.
Posted by: Anonymous | June 7, 2005 10:24 AM
I suppose you will be demanding the right to flush your lavatory at night and pee standing up next! It is not the european way! Don't you understand...
Posted by: Tim | June 7, 2005 11:00 AM
The germans have been doing this for years. No grass cutting, car washing, loud music etc all day on Sundays. They also had restrictions on HGVs for the weekend but cannot remember the details.
Sadly they forgot to turn the church bells off, so no chance of a lie-in after 6am.
Posted by: nbc | June 7, 2005 1:37 PM
If it wasn't part of the purchase agreement, nor does it carry the force and weight of law, I don't see the need to modify your engine. You can use Gandhi's tactics against the Flower Children by just mowing your lawn at the regular time...and seek out other like minded Free Marketeers to do the same.
I suggest getting a copy of the American film "Tribes." Reverse psychology usually brings the desired results.
We have covenant neighborhoods here and they are
a beast. Monthly fees and fines... you can't even build a swimming pool in your backyard without
the Neighborhood Nazis screeching for you to build a fence to hide it...or insisting that y'all park your cars in garages, checking to see if your registration tags on vehicles are expired...
Posted by: Cricket | June 7, 2005 2:40 PM
The 'request' & it is no more than a request carries no weight in law. What annoys me, is that once sensible people as starting to think like this
Posted by: Mr Free Market | June 7, 2005 3:36 PM
so will you having your clay pigoen shoot on
Sunday afternoons, as you will be unable to
mow peacefully.
pss will the parish councillors stop the local
farmers combining on sundays' as their 'mowers' will be too noisy!!
ppsss perhaps when you stop mowing you can turn
up the landrovers stereo to let the neighbours hear your latest drum n, bass pop hit?
Posted by: hugh | June 7, 2005 5:17 PM
Might I suggest Arizona?
There's plenty of room here.
Posted by: Kevin Baker | June 7, 2005 10:32 PM