Mrs FM gets her hands on another SUV
Last autumn, when we sallied forth into darkest New England, your humble correspondent made an unintentional but as yet, unforgiven error … I hired a saloon car & all very nice though it was, but it just did not cut the mustard, north on Interstate 95. Whilst I had received partial absolution by hiring, the benevolent dictator that is my spouse, a Durango, while we were in Virginia in August, her forgiveness (as ever) remained heavily caveated.
So, this year, Mrs FM made it completely ‘crystal’ that a repeat of such an automotive error would not so much, not be tolerated, as would simply result in hellfire & damnation being invoked upon me. Thus in my increasingly desperate attempts to placate the War Office, we hired one of these last week …
Admittedly, it wasn’t quite what she that shall be obeyed, had in mind as in her great & boundless wisdom, the latest object of her increasingly wanton desires is a Ford F-350 truck…. however, rather like her husband, it sufficed.
Unfortunately, the baby SUV sadly failed on two counts. Firstly, as the little light of my life proved with consummate ease, once we got on to snowy roads, it is seriously easy to get it sideways. Now, as those of you that know Mrs FM & now spend the rest of your lives in abject fear, can testify – most well balanced & considerate drivers tend not keep demonstrating loss of traction in adverse driving conditions – not so with my CO. Oh no, at regular intervals my good lady wife demonstrated the lack of traction … which was nice.
The little Ford’s second failing was that it was simply too economical. Given that Mrs FM has stock in both BP & Exxon, she does have a certain penchant for vehicles that errrr tend to enhance shareholder returns. The Explorer simply didn’t consume enough unleaded – with the sort of mpg that we got, how on earth are Coalition forces ever going to need subjugate further Middle Eastern oil producing nations? Its not like the eco-weeeeeenies can really object to it – it might mildly irritate them, but hardly a rip snorting gas guzzler.
Still at least my vehicular choice met with a degree of spousal approval, manifest in the fact that I could not prise the keys away from Mrs FM who insisted on driving the overwhelming majority of the 1,072 miles we covered. So, for that I am at least thankful. But as to actually owning one of these Fords … nah ….we’ll stick to our Landrovers thank you; I for one missed the leaks, rattles & catastrophic mechanical failure that is the hallmark of a proper 4x4
Comments
I'm glad you mentioned about the catastrophic mechanical failures of Land Rovers. It saved me the trouble of commenting. What? Oh, so I did.
Posted by: Andrew Duffin | November 25, 2004 3:34 PM
I hope that you left the engine running while taking the above posed photo to ensure fuel consumption
Posted by: hugh | November 25, 2004 4:55 PM
"I for one missed the leaks, rattles & catastrophic mechanical failure that is the hallmark of a proper 4x4"
I tried owning a Landrover once and experienced the benefits you descibe. Problem is, out here where we live, a mechanical failure could easily result in dying of thirst, being eaten by crocodiles (in season) or at the very least spending a couple of days waiting for another vehicle to come along.
Bugger that--the old series3 got sold and we now own something that doesn't need to prove its macho credentials by inventing new and interesting ways to break down.
Posted by: Keith | November 25, 2004 11:24 PM
You and Mrs. FM need tog et yourselves down to Dallas ASAP, if it's gratuitous fuel consumption you're wanting.
Our Chev Suburban and Ford F-150 make the sheks rub their hands with glee each time we grab the carkeys.
Oh, and as for the F350, you can forget about it, if you're going to get one in Blighty. While it consumes a decent amount of petrol (think: tossing 5-gal cans out the window every minute or so), I've BEEN to your house, and the F350 wouldn't make it through the gate -- and as for turning it around up in your parking lot, you can forget about that one: the F350 has a turning circle marginally larger than that of the HMS Warspite.
Nope, you need to shake the mud of English tight spaces off your wellies, and move to the dusty prairie, or something like that.
Posted by: Kim du Toit | November 27, 2004 12:14 AM
What you really need to do is move it down to Alabama, buy a couple thousand acres and slay turkeys and whitetails...oh, and with an F-350 you would definately fit in.
Posted by: Dan | November 29, 2004 4:43 AM