'Quitter' Radcliffe
One of the things that most amused Mrs FM & your intemperate host during our sojourn in the United States was the network coverage of the Olympics. For those that didn’t have that particular pleasure, the networks only cover events that Americans are going to win a medal in – if it looks like they are not going to come away with a piece of metal, coverage immediately switches to another event; its absolutely hysterical.
Still, even that is better than the collective beating of breasts that has been going on in the British media over Paula “Quitter” Radcliffe’s consummate failure in the Ladies Marathon. Only one person, perhaps this countries most respected sports pundit has gone on the record to point out what a sorry loser Radcliffe is & how utterly appalling the coverage was. Cue Mr Beelzebub…..
“It's Sunday evening at Beelzebub Mansions. The aroma of roast beef, Armagnac gravy, snuff, rice pudding and Cuban cigars hangs in the air. From the bakelite wireless, the Mike Samms' Singers croon Sing Something Simple. The clack-clack sound of Mrs B. knitting a new crotchless basque drifts down the stairs, and in the Lower Meadow my man Whittaker and his trusty shovel dispatch another unruly mole with a dull, but satisfying, thud. All is well with the world.
And then I turn on the BBC to watch the Olympics. Within seconds, I am apoplectic. It appears that we have a lady runner called Paula Radcliffe entered in the marathon. (I would say "competing", but that would be a complete misnomer.) Such is the corporate adoration of this woman that I at first suspect that she must be the floozy who's sleeping with David Blunkett. Apparently not.
Ms Radcliffe is merely just another runner. But one, if you listen to the BBC, who is pre-ordained to win the marathon by a mile. Suddenly it all goes wrong. Ms Radcliffe, far from steaming home a league ahead, jacks it in just three miles from home after being dropped down to fourth place. Then the Beeb's commentators lose all sense of perspective.
"Poor Paula", they wail. "Fancy having to run over that hilly track in such terrible heat." Well excuse me. I didn't notice it bothering the Japanese woman who won the race in style. Even worse, while the worthy winner is entering the stadium the Beeb, instead of honouring her triumph, are conducting a hasty post mortem into the Golden Girl's demise, who at this point is sitting in the gutter with snot and vomit running down her chin. It's very shabby. Even my Grandad, who had little time for the Japs unless they were on the end of his bayonet, would have shown more grace.
On and on they prattle. "Of course, Paula could beat the third-placed runner by six minutes and the winner by three." Excuse me, I think not. The bony-arsed, wobbly-headed slacker (never mind running a Marathon, love; try eating one) chucked the towel in when she realised that she wasn't going to win a medal. What is there to celebrate in that? What ever happened to the British sense of fair play?
Perhaps the sun that shone on poor Paula was hotter than the sun that shone on the first three runners home. Perhaps her hills were steeper than those facing the other athletes. It's just pathetic.
And what about the two other British women in the event? They still managed to finish, even though one of them was a complete amateur until a year ago. And the most offensive sight of the evening must have been the victory party on the finish line composed of middle-aged, middle-class white people launching into the Conga, complete with Union Jacks, before the race had even started.
And then we had to suffer the self-pitying tears of the loser herself in subsequent press conferences. Given the ratio of blubbing to explanation, she must surely be a Scouser. "She's from Northwich," shouts Whittaker, as he stuns another mole. Well that's near enough for me.
In fact, you'd have to question whether or not it was a proper marathon in the first place. I mean, where was Sir Jimmy Saville OBE with his jangling jewellery? Where was Bernie Clifton with his comedy ostrich? Where were the sweating club athletes dressed up as Mr Blobby collecting money in buckets? Where was the jazz band at Tower Bridge?
Of course, this is what happens when you employ former athletes as so-called commentators. They are reluctant in the extreme to criticise their descendants. Or worse, a bunch of holiday programme or makeover show rejects who haven't got a clue what they're on about and make that blindingly clear with every overworked cliché.
And then you have to factor in the Beeb's political correctness. Have you noticed that nobody comes last any more? They finish "in a brave eighth place". Some lardy shoe shop assistant from Dewsbury mops up thousands in Lottery money, has the five rings tattooed on her shoulder, cops for a free holiday in Greece, shags her way around the Olympic Village and then steams in 32 seconds behind a starving Ethiopian in the 1,500 metres? Where's the honour in that?
And then there's the obsequious post-race interview. "So, Shelley, You came 28th out of 29. Your parents back home must be really proud of you." "Well, it's disappointing, but it's just great to be here." I bet it is. Why isn't the interviewer getting stuck in?
"Well hang about, Shelley. You've been funded by the Lottery for the past four years, you've had the chance to spend every waking hour pursuing your event, so why are you still shite?"
In fact, let's go further. Any so-called athlete who doesn't win a medal or sets a personal best should have to cough up for their own plane fare home. And repay some of the public money they've been swanning about on since God knows when. Well why not? Why on earth should we subsidise a bunch of free-loading perennial losers just because they fancy their chances in the 1,300 metres synchronized hockey hurdles? They know they're never going to win, but they've got the opening ceremony video, the sun tan and the tracksuit. That makes them glamorous in Dewsbury.
The answer, of course, is that our Olympic failures are part of Mr Blah's brave new Cool Britannia, a land where everyone's a winner. Particularly when it comes to A-level results. I won't bore you once again with my theories regarding the pathetic decline in standards since real people, like you and me, took the exams. But I would pose this question.
If 96 per cent of 275,000 candidates got a pass (do the maths, kids) that means that 11,000 schoolchildren failed to pass a single exam. So what's going to happen to these "Paulas", as we shall call them in future? There can only be so many jobs at McDonalds, and most of those will be occupied by teenagers with an A in Sociology.
I suspect that like our miserably untalented Olympic athletes, they've merely gone through the motions, following an un-testing course charted by an unchallenging Government, the illusion of achievement being considered more important than actual success. And if that admittedly convoluted sentence is too difficult for you to follow, congratulations on your A-grade English qualification.
I have railed in recent weeks about the slack-jawed, gum-chewing, knuckle-dragging scrotes who populate our shopping centres. One identifying feature of these Mall Rats is their preponderance for wearing clothing made by Burberry, the previously upmarket English outfitter. Indeed, such is the social significance of the checky stuff that many night clubs and pubs now decline to admit those who are wearing it. Classy, eh?
So imagine my surprise to see a picture of the free-loading Mr Blah and his wide-mouthed missus on holiday with Signor Berlusconi, the famously dodgy Italian last week. It wasn't that Berlusconi looked like a recovering cancer patient, it wasn't that Cherie looked like someone who had just been assaulted in the hind-quarters by a swordfish, it was that Mr Tony Blair, leader of our nation, was wearing a Burberry shirt.
We truly are a nation of scum. The PM is wearing Burberry, the Home Secretary is starring in his own episode of Trisha and, left behind, Jolly John Prescott is running the show in between rescuing drowning canoeists. Welcome to Scroteville, Europe.”
Comments
Clap, clap, clap, clap.
Posted by: JohnJo | September 2, 2004 11:39 AM
It's a peculiarly British thing; Tim Henman gets the same adoration even though he keeps on losing. Oddly though, presumably because Formula 1 motor racing is only for rich people, the second most successful driver in the sport (David Coulthard) is slagged off as a loser.
Posted by: Ian Bennett | September 2, 2004 12:44 PM
I think you and Mr. Beelzebub should actually try walking a marathon, much less, run one, before you comment.
Posted by: Dan | September 2, 2004 3:01 PM
Dan
I hear what you are saying & freely admit that the furthest I have run is a half marathon in running kit & 10 miles - but that was in boots, helmets, webbing & carrying weapons - then again I don't set myself up to be an Olympic athlete.
As for walking, I must have 'tabbed' thousands of miles - although the longest walk I have done was approx 150miles around the coast of Pembrokeshire (OK but that was over a few days) As for walking a marathon - yep done that, between Bath & Wells....a little charity stroll!
Many times I have been utterly 'chinstrapped', covered in my own vomit & wishing for a stick wrapped in damp cotton wool to push my lungs back in with - as anyone who has ever done the stretcher race/log race along Long Valley in Aldershot has been. However, I never quit.
These people have been in training for this for 4 years & to throw the towel in because you are not going to win some metal, is pathetic; as was the BBCs coverage of the race.
She shat out, forget her & do the people the complete the course the courtesy of covering their victory.
Well thats my view for what its worth
Posted by: Mr Free Market | September 2, 2004 3:24 PM
Don't hold back now. Tell us what you really think!
Posted by: Mark | September 3, 2004 10:14 AM
Sir,
I've just found your site and have enjoyed what I've read so far.
I live in China and the TV coverage of the Olympics was simliar to that which you experienced in the US. Lots of focus on events in which a Chinese was competing, or reruns of the latest Chinese victory. They even had the coaches on to explain what went wrong if they lost!
A strange country full of strange people. But really good fun all the same!
Posted by: euroweeny | September 4, 2004 5:11 AM
And to think - she epitomises all that is best about British athletics...
It did make me wonder where all that high faluting rhetoric about the 'honour of taking part', went to, let alone the Corinthian spirit of giving it you best shot.
Re the televising of sports that your country is doing well in...just what is wrong with that? to see your country doing well in competition is stimulating and inspires a feeling of national pride. Of course, if you feel that is wrong, well then, by all means watch the synchronised quilting, or whatever is your fancy. After all, national pride is considered a bit infra dig these days. Makes you wonder why there was so much fuss about a broken down old nag not making it to the post...
Posted by: ernest young | September 6, 2004 2:33 AM
Paula Radcliffe set world records almost every time she ran a marathon. She is a genuine heroine. So, she did not win gold in 95°F heat on an extreme course. So what? She gave it her all and hit the proverbial marathoners's wall and needed IV's to get her rehydrated.
Those who think the worse of her should get off their arses and do what it it takes to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Anybody with any guts can try for that. I'm not there yet, but I'm trying. 14 mins to go.
You can knock Paula's effort when you have noinkling of how hard it is to run a marathon at Olympic pace.
Posted by: Pat | September 6, 2004 5:34 AM
Pat,
When you see how many people enter, and have entered for the various marathons over the past twenty or so years, just why do you make the presumption that none of the commenters, here and elsewhere, have ever competed, or run a marathon?
Just because you feel a bit self-righteous, having made a decision that many thousands have made before you, does not give you any right to be so pompous and disparaging re our remarks.
I have personally run marathons, and in the company of folk who were dressed in all many of fancy dress, all for charity, not for personal gain, other than personal satisfaction.
The difference in elapsed times certainly does not justify what the 'so-called' professional has cost the taxpayer, by way of grants etc.
That she supposedly suffered from dehydration, would indicate that perhaps she was no quite so professional as she imagined. Dehydration being an elementary mistake.
Are we so desperate for heroes that mere competence is enough to elevate the mundane to the level of celebrity? Whatever she may have achieved in the past, I see little to warrant calling her a 'heroine'.
The pre-race 'celebration' by her fans, did little to endear her to me, and even less to engender any sympathy for her later failure. It was just another demonstration of that special 'chav' brand of yobbishness, that is so typical of the Brit 'personality' fashion.
If losing a gold is the worst that should happen to her, then she will be one lucky camper...
Posted by: ernest young | September 6, 2004 3:53 PM
I'm stuck out here in the Aussie bush at a remote medical clinic, furnished with crocodiles, snakes and millions of mosquitos in ferociously hot weather.
Any bloody "elite athlete" who drops out of an event due to dehydration would have to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic.Dumb. Thick as. Even visitors to this place know enough to drink water, fer gawdsake.
That was the funniest rant I've read. Thanks.
Posted by: Keith | September 26, 2004 7:48 AM
How little you critics know about athletics. How very little.
Firstly, I think some of you should read the extracts from Paula's book that explain fully what happened before and during Athens:
http://www.paularadcliffe.com/book/30.php
(read the sections 'Race for fitness', 'That Day', and 'Taking a gamble'). Maybe it will give you an insight into the life of an elite athlete.
In summary, what happened to Paula was she picked up an injury before Athens - a recurring injury which had affected her career several times before. Being just a few weeks away from the Olympics, it was always going to be a race for fitness and after days of intensive therapy and treatment, the injury still wasn't shifting. Eventually the pain stopped, but to keep it at bay Paula was put on a strong course of anti-inflammatories. Unfortunately, because of the high dosage, these had an adverse effect on her stomach and food was being passed through her without being absorbed (to put it pleasantly - on the morning of the Marathon, she went to the toilet and what came out was exactly the same porridge she had eaten at breakfast - still white and everything, completely unabsorbed by her body). That was a big warning sign and she'd known for days that she wasn't 100%. Her body had been through a hell of a lot in the three weeks previously - if it had been any other race, then she wouldn't have lined up for it, simple as. But this was the Olympics - something she has worked solidly for throughout her 12+ year career (I don't think most people can comprehend just how hard she works and how many sacrifices she had made) - and she wasn't going to give in without a fight. (Those who accuse her of lacking Olympic spirit don't have a clue. Not a clue in the slightest). If you knew about everything she had been through in those final weeks, it was amazing she actually lasted 36km!
So the race started, 10km came and went and she felt OK, but felt as though she was putting more effort into what the split times were showing. She carried on anyway, and then she started to get stomach pains. Bad stomach cramps. Because the anti-inflammatories prevented her body from absorbing food, her body had started to break itself down during the race in order to use up whatever energy she had left.
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't a matter of dehydration - tests afterwards showed that her body was fully hydrated. It was simply a case of complete energy expenditure. She isn't affected by the heat and has performed well in hot conditions on several occasions - she set the 10km world record Puerto Rico, with conditions comparable to Athens. She won the WCh silver medal in Seville, and in 2000 she broke the 10,000m commonwealth record in Sydney (despite finishing fourth... hang on - finishing outside the medals? and she actually finished the race?? surely that's not like Paula?? ).
At 36km, there was nothing left. People say she should have carried on to the finish no matter what, but it shows they simply can't comprehend the feeling of utter exhaustion (and I mean UTTER!) that Paula was feeling. I'd like to see if they can last another 4 miles (even at walking pace) under such conditions, let alone a full 26-miles! Yes, some people here have competed in marathons before now. But how many have done it with an injury, stomach cramps, diarrhea, weakened liver, leg spasms, and clinical exhaustion? No, didn't think so.
People say that she gave up because she was being passed by athletes - what complete shite. How many times has Paula finished 4th, 5th, 6th in a race? PLENTY. Just because she isn't in the leading three, it doesn't mean she'll give up. Do you really want me to tell you how many races she has completed finishing outside of the medals? And if she is such a quitter, then what other races (apart from Athens) has she "quitted" in? Oh yeh.... NONE. If 'being passed by other athletes' was her motivation for dropping out, then she would have dropped out at 20km, when they started to go past her.
Some criticise her for entering the 10km, but they obviously can't see into the mentality of an elite athlete. After the marathon, her next chance to run in the Olympics would either be in five days time or in another four years. Which option would you choose? Which option would show more 'Olympic spirit'? Ask an obvious question, get an obvious answer.
I could go on, but I'll see how you get on with that (the above) first. If any of you have anything more to say on the matter, then email me and I'll gladly discuss it further with you.
Posted by: Clued up | December 7, 2004 12:28 AM