"She has no proof," snarled Papa, "There are no studies that indicate this form of exposure causes the exact array of symptoms she displays. This is merely a ploy to suck cash from our fine corporation & diminish shareholder value through unsubstantiated & pernicious litigation"

So Republican Red Riding Hood set off across the toxic waste tip with a primary school built on it as part of the Governments outsourcing of primary education, & passed the prison labour camp where convicted criminals were busy repaying their debt to society by making a profit for large multinationals, in the process learning the true benefits of the Protestant work ethic. While passing through a small town she happened upon a homeless old wolf.

"Spare change?" he croaked, holding forth his dirty hat, "My government hand outs don't cover my $250 a day crack habit". "PARASITE!!" screeched Republican Red Riding Hood, "Get a job!!"

"But lady, I'm a little off if you take my meaning, ever since the federally mandated positive affirmation programmes were cut," he whispered, "I can barely keep my
shit together to beg from hard working taxpayers." Republican Little Red Riding Hood called 911 on her c- phone. 40 of the nation's finest arrived and promptly beat the wolf to a pulp. "Sorry about the inconvenience Miss Riding Hood," said the police chief, "we have new laws for such people. We have built bigger better prisons & this wolf will be there for a very long time."

"Praise be," said Republican Red Riding Hood, & she went on her merry way.
She arrived at Grandma's house and noticed that the property was in a prime location for a new shopping mall. "I'll have to get power of attorney and put the old biddy in a rest home," she muttered, this place is a gold mine."

She entered Grandma's house & saw the old woman was not well, "Oh grandmother, how skinny you look." "My food stamp allowance should be increased", said grandmother.
"That will have to stop, I'm tired of my hard earned tax dollars being squandered on your entitlements," said Republican Red Riding Hood. "And grandmother, how ill you look." "My Medicare cheques should be increased to a level that matches bloated European social welfare plans", said grandmother.
"You tax and spend liberal," replied Republican Red Riding Hood, "People like you make me sick. I don't see why we the taxpayers should have to pay for your outmoded redistributionist policies. Don't you know the Lord will provide?" & with that Republican Red Riding Hood served the subpoena, snatched the title to grandmother's house, & within 24 hours a mega mall was built on the spot.
When the limo delivered Republican Red Riding Hood & her mother to the grand opening they saw thought of grandmother.
"Oh Jesus have mercy on her soul," they both prayed. Republican Red Ridding Hood cut a cheque to Billy Graham and immediately felt better.